Author Topic: uninviting wedding date?  (Read 2726 times)

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katiefay

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uninviting wedding date?
« on: May 07, 2013, 04:06:11 PM »
One of my best friends from high school is getting married in about three weeks, and after asking all of my close male friends (and several exes) I asked a guy who I generally see on Saturday nights in large group settings and rarely one on one. We've interacted plenty before, but recently is where I suppose his true colors are starting to show, or else I've never noticed.

He accepted and took this to be interest in him so we've been hanging out more often, which has resulted in him saying things I genuinely don't like and I'm actually starting to dislike him as a person for saying them. He's spent a collective two hours in the past week or so asking me to drive him to assorted fast food places late at night, despite the fact that I personally think it's somewhat rude to ask someone to drive you around at 11:30 pm (and I also feel as though I'm being used simply as a mode of transportation). Even after I very firmly say no (thanks ehell!) he continues to ask why not and harp on the issue and just generally act childish. He's also told me the fact that I don't like a certain type of music insinuates i'm racist, my hair color insinuates i'm racist in a different capacity, the college i attend (and that he does as well) means my parents are well off financially, and that my religious beliefs are wrong. I know he's not serious but it makes me immensely uncomfortable to be around someone who is so malicious even while attempting to be funny. All of these are either patently untrue or none of his business, and it really upsets me that someone would be so accusatory while knowing so little about me. All of this has happened in the past week; certainly had I known he would act like this I would never have invited him.

Now my friend's wedding is less than three weeks away and I have a date whose actions do not seem promising for an enjoyable time to be had by anyone. Given the situation would it be rude to uninvite him? I don't want to be associated with this type of behavior. Also, how would you go about this sort of thing?

alice

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2013, 04:10:40 PM »
Just tell him that after getting to know him, you think it would be best to terminate the relationship and that you will not need him to attend the wedding with you.  Please let your friend know that there will be one less for her wedding.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2013, 04:15:07 PM »
Just tell him that after getting to know him, you think it would be best to terminate the relationship and that you will not need him to attend the wedding with you.  Please let your friend know that there will be one less for her wedding.

Yup.  And three weeks out, she hopefully hasn't had to put in her final numbers yet.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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Kaypeep

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2013, 04:30:42 PM »
Just tell him that after getting to know him, you think it would be best to terminate the relationship and that you will not need him to attend the wedding with you.  Please let your friend know that there will be one less for her wedding.

Yup.  And three weeks out, she hopefully hasn't had to put in her final numbers yet.

Agreed.  Go alone.  It might seem intimidating, but trust me, it's not a big deal.  Also, any unease you might feel will be nothing compared to what you'll no doubt feel if this guy comes with you and shows his true colors to everyone you meet there.  Cancel this guest ASAP!

Daydream

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2013, 04:50:30 PM »
I agree with everyone above.  Even if he wasn't a jerk, it seems like it would be uncomfortable to go with a guy you don't know well unless you really liked him. 

Has the bride put some sort of pressure on you to bring a date?  Did you put that pressure on yourself for some reason?

If it's the bride pressuring you, I'd just let her know your date turned out to be a jerk (I'd make it sound like you were dating him, not that he was some guy you don't know well). 

If you're putting pressure on yourself, think of how nice of a time you'll have interacting with the other guests instead of worrying about dealing with a boorish date.

GSNW

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #5 on: May 07, 2013, 06:23:46 PM »
Don't put yourself through this!  And don't put your friend's other guests through this either - I doubt he'd be any more well-behaved at a wedding reception.  What a nightmare, I agree with others who say just go alone and enjoy yourself.

SoCalVal

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #6 on: May 07, 2013, 07:27:58 PM »
Nope, not rude at all to uninvite your wedding date; far better to avoid the possibility of more boorish behavior at your BF's wedding (however, this comes from me having had someone who was a friend when I first got engaged but was definitely not a friend by the time I actually got married a few years later -- I had always told him he was invited until HIS boorish behavior revealed itself at work so I just didn't send him an invitation; had he confronted me on it, I would've definitely told him why he wasn't invited after all but it hasn't come up).

If you are no longer dating him before the wedding, I can't see why he would expect he'd still be your date.

In the future, you might want to refrain from inviting a casual date to an event that is that significant.



RingTailedLemur

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2013, 03:17:20 AM »
Just tell him that after getting to know him, you think it would be best to terminate the relationship and that you will not need him to attend the wedding with you.  Please let your friend know that there will be one less for her wedding.

Agreed.  Going alone is better than dealing with a boor all night!

Coralreef

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Re: uninviting wedding date?
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2013, 04:15:56 PM »
Even if the bride has put Boorman on the headcount, the whole group will be better off without him.  He will not make the event enjoyable for you or anyone else with this behaviour.  Going to the wedding alone is not a faux-pas, unless you run off with the groom  ;) .  If you feel you have to bring a guest, either because of headcount or social customs, you could ask a relative.  I've been my brother's "date" for quite a few occasions before he got married. 

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