Author Topic: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64  (Read 16059 times)

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Optimoose Prime

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive?
« Reply #45 on: May 08, 2013, 09:30:27 PM »
I get it.  I am somewhat of an introvert and I need time to be "off".  When I stay at someone's house or they stay here (especially people I don't know well) I feel that I have to "on" all the time.  Be charming and chatty, ready to do whatever, and go along with everyone.  Too much of this kind of thing makes me twitchy and I need time away that I don't have to be on my best behavior.

AylaM

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive?
« Reply #46 on: May 28, 2013, 11:49:20 PM »
OP here with an odd update

We hammered out the details and the only cabins in the area/price range are 2 bedrooms.  And sisters boyfriend was coming for one weekend, but would be on an air mattress.  Since it was one night I was ok with that.


Then mom happened.

The mostly-just-family vacation has become a family reunion.  Mom was able to transfer the cabin to another location in the same system (still 2 bedroom, same price)  that is next to 2 other cabins.  And now there are 17 people fitting into 12 beds.  (Each cabin is allowed 6 people, but only has four beds).

I told sister today and she immediately began in on "Well, boyfriend can't make it" and "mom invited them again? we never get to spend time with just us anymore".  And she had began to say "well, you know what, I don't think I can get off work".  She is thinking about inviting just mom, dad, and me to come visit her.

So now I get my own room.

Unless mom invites SpecialSnowflakeAunt and ToddlerCousin out of the fuller cabin to stay with us.
« Last Edit: May 29, 2013, 12:05:37 AM by AylaM »

TootsNYC

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #47 on: May 29, 2013, 12:05:49 AM »
maybe you can't get off from work.

Maybe you and your sister both need to say, "We never get to spend any time, just us! I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm not interested in taking off work for a big family reunion. I only have so much time, and I'm not willing to spend it on some other sort of vacation."

She doesn't suffer any negative consequences for doing this sort of thing. So maybe it's time for her to do so.


JeseC

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #48 on: May 29, 2013, 01:08:13 AM »
Yeah, at this point I'd just plain start getting annoyed with the last-minute changes in plans.  I'm firmly of the opinion that the plans should be made as clear as possible before anyone is invited.  I don't care who it is, once the invitations are out for this sort of thing you don't add people without consulting those already invited.  You're perfectly justified in backing out.

And who knows?  Maybe you can take your time off and spend a day or two getting to know your sister and her bf!

jedikaiti

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #49 on: May 29, 2013, 02:44:57 AM »
Does your Dad know about these changes yet?
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

Roe

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #50 on: May 29, 2013, 08:03:38 AM »
maybe you can't get off from work.

Maybe you and your sister both need to say, "We never get to spend any time, just us! I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm not interested in taking off work for a big family reunion. I only have so much time, and I'm not willing to spend it on some other sort of vacation."

She doesn't suffer any negative consequences for doing this sort of thing. So maybe it's time for her to do so.

I couldn't agree more!!!  My mother used to do the same thing every.single.time. 

As a result, I have no childhood memories of "just us" family vacations.  The "family" pictures always include close friends, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc.   Though I love those pictures, I wish I had some of 'just us' moments.  It's so important to have true family vacations.  Those are the moments when the family bonds.  When others are along, it's easy to be distracted and actually never spend one on one time with the parents. 

My DH and I are so protective of our family vacations.  My oldest son's girlfriend has joined us on a couple of family vacations but she's almost part of the family so that doesn't count.  :)   

OP, if I were you, I wouldn't go.  What's the point?  It's not a family vacation. 

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #51 on: May 29, 2013, 08:14:16 AM »
As an introvert, that would have me running and screaming, honestly!  I think your sister's of the right mind in just deciding she can't make it and I'd want to back out before your mom invited the neighborhood along as well. 

I also sympathize as my mother is an extrovert and I remember several times our house was so full for parties that you could barely move from one room to another.  I'd go up and hide out in my room for a bit to breathe, only to have someone come up and insist I come back down.  Though my dad's sisters were sympathetic and would often come up and hang out with me in my room and chat for a bit then suggest we rejoin the party and by then I was ready.  But then most of my dad's side of the family are also introverts.

I'm reminded of a Tom Chapin song, "Cousins" where, in the last verse it says "My mom sat down and gave a sigh and said to me, you know? I love to see your cousins come, but I love to see them go!"

My family vacations were always with the extended family and as a kid I enjoyed it but I've become more introverted. 
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Margo

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #52 on: May 29, 2013, 08:28:32 AM »
maybe you can't get off from work.

Maybe you and your sister both need to say, "We never get to spend any time, just us! I'm sorry, Mom, but I'm not interested in taking off work for a big family reunion. I only have so much time, and I'm not willing to spend it on some other sort of vacation."

She doesn't suffer any negative consequences for doing this sort of thing. So maybe it's time for her to do so.

I agree with Toots. You were originally invited to a family vacation - you, your parents, and sister. now suddenly there are 17 people and only 12 beds (and I would not bet a penny on you getting to keep that room to yourself, especially when there are 5 people (or 3, if the 17 included sister & her BF)  without beds.  that's a massive change and is not what you signed up for.

but if you don;t go, be absolutely clear with your parents why. Make sure that they know that you were looking forward to vacationing with them and with your sister, but that you expect to have a room (and bed) to yourself (unless you explicitly agree otherwise in advance) and you expect any changes to the number of people invited, or who is invited, to be discussed in advance.

That way, you are setting clear boundaries for the future.

i would also, in future, be clear when accepting any invite. Ask if it is intended to invite anyone extra, and make it clear that you are accepting on the basis that there won;t be any changes unless these are discussed and agreed in advance.




Cami

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #53 on: May 29, 2013, 12:57:07 PM »
As an introvert, that would have me running and screaming, honestly!  I think your sister's of the right mind in just deciding she can't make it and I'd want to back out before your mom invited the neighborhood along as well. 

I also sympathize as my mother is an extrovert and I remember several times our house was so full for parties that you could barely move from one room to another.  I'd go up and hide out in my room for a bit to breathe, only to have someone come up and insist I come back down.  Though my dad's sisters were sympathetic and would often come up and hang out with me in my room and chat for a bit then suggest we rejoin the party and by then I was ready.  But then most of my dad's side of the family are also introverts.

I'm reminded of a Tom Chapin song, "Cousins" where, in the last verse it says "My mom sat down and gave a sigh and said to me, you know? I love to see your cousins come, but I love to see them go!"

My family vacations were always with the extended family and as a kid I enjoyed it but I've become more introverted.
It's not about being an introvert or an extrovert.  It's about (1) overcrowded chaos and (2) changing the basics of a plan means that I am now considering the value of a new invitation.

I'm an extrovert, but the idea of 17 people in a venue that sleeps only 12 sounds like a bad movie waiting to happen.  I think I suddenly could not get off work.

I also have to say that as an extrovert, I like crowds and noise BUT I would never change my family's plans like that. It's inconsiderate to say the least, not just because of the introvert/extrovert situation. But also because I consider it a dealbreaker when the basic plans of an activity are changed and going from a family vacation of 4 to one of 17 is breaking the basic plans of the vacation. So to me, that's like the original plans were cancelled and I'm now being asked if I want to participate in a new plan. If I didn't want to participate, I'd say no and not worry about it again.

TootsNYC

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #54 on: May 29, 2013, 01:00:26 PM »
I agree--it's not extrovert/introvert.

I'm an extrovert. Perhaps extremely.

I'm also VERY protective of my family's "together" time. I'm hyper sensitive to boundaries like that.

jedikaiti

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #55 on: May 29, 2013, 01:09:21 PM »
I am totally on board with bailing, but in the event you do decide to go, is this going to be a location where you can a) bail and head home easily if your Mom tries to convince you to sleep on a couch instead of a room to yourself or b) bail on the cabin and get a hotel room?

I still think not going at all - with the PP's suggestions for a polite but explicit explanation as to why - is the best course of action at this point.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

artk2002

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #56 on: May 29, 2013, 07:45:53 PM »
My advice? "Bail! Bail, the gang's all here!"

The nature of the invitation has changed and any RSVP thereby cancelled.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bow lines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. -Mark Twain

Deetee

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #57 on: May 29, 2013, 07:57:48 PM »
Just a factual point. I believe there are 12 beds, not just 12 sleeping spots for the 17 people so that could be 12 double beds ( sleeping for 24 if sharing beds). This doesn't address the real question of changing a small family vacation into a family reunion but I don't think this like a disaster.

(But I go for Christmas with a couple days with 14 people and one bathroom and 5 or 6 rooms and it is a wonderful time)

citadelle

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #58 on: May 29, 2013, 09:48:43 PM »
I understand it is frustrating. I do feel for mom, though. It sounds like she is someone who loves to be surrounded by people and activity. Hopefully, each family member can get their needs met. Perhaps planning an immediate family only trip and also a separate, more open gathering would be possible for the future.

Addy

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #59 on: May 30, 2013, 04:36:57 PM »
I understand it is frustrating. I do feel for mom, though. It sounds like she is someone who loves to be surrounded by people and activity. Hopefully, each family member can get their needs met. Perhaps planning an immediate family only trip and also a separate, more open gathering would be possible for the future.

Regarding the bolded, may I ask why? Mom is the one getting exactly what she wants, and it sounds like she gets her way most, if not all of the time.