Author Topic: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64  (Read 16009 times)

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AylaM

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update Post 46
« Reply #60 on: June 05, 2013, 10:50:19 PM »
Does your Dad know about these changes yet?

OP here.  Dad was out of town when all of this happened.

When he got home he got very upset.  We had rented a cabin in a state park.  This park has about 25 cabins.  The whole group had rented 3 cabins, ours was right next to another and the third was a few cabins over,  but was less appealing (no deck, bad view).  Dad insisted on changing to a cabin a bit away so that we were right on the water (though I think the main reason was because it isn't next to grandma, who we/he don't much get along with). 

We told the others and the family in the less appealing cabin moved to a more appealing cabin.  Now all 3 cabins are spread out.  They are within a 5 minute walk of the "middle cabin", but we can't see each other at all.  The family that moved seems much happier now too.  It seems they had kept that cabin because they didn't want to hurt any feelings by moving further out.

Sister is coming again, and her BF is planing to come for a weekend only.  He will be on an air mattress.  Once SpecialSnowflakeAunt heard of this she tried to join us for the rest of the week.   I told Mom I wouldn't come if she was invited to stay with us.  I feel a little guilty about issuing an ultimatum, but I do not get along with SSAunt.  Mom agreed because, though she fakes it well, she apparently doesn't get along with SSAunt either.

So SSAunt has the option to stay with grandma and WildChildAunt.  I expect SSAunt to back out of the trip all together because she can't stand WildChildAunt.

Mom has agreed that we can pick at least one day and limit it to "family only activities".  And that we can have some "family only" things during the week.

In short...mom mostly got her way (as usual),  but she met enough resistance that we're all ok with the outcome.




As a side note, I learned later that she had tried to rent us a lodge that basically had a bunk hall.  One of my uncles put a stop to that.  Thank you uncle!
« Last Edit: June 05, 2013, 11:08:24 PM by AylaM »

gramma dishes

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Final update post 60
« Reply #61 on: June 05, 2013, 10:56:44 PM »
Glad it worked out if not "perfectly", at least acceptably!  Now all that's left is to go and have fun! 

Lynda_34

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Final update post 60
« Reply #62 on: June 06, 2013, 01:28:25 AM »
this sounds great and I'm hoping for updates after the vacation.

gmatoy

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Final update post 60
« Reply #63 on: June 06, 2013, 11:30:31 PM »
I loved the update ! It is nice when when a reasonable solution can be reached. (Although I have more than once made an ultimatum myself!)

AylaM

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Final update post 60
« Reply #64 on: August 20, 2013, 11:22:09 AM »
We returned from the vacation this past weekend.  It was both fun and disappointing. 

Though mom promised that we could have one day that was "just us", it never happened.  A small part was because of visitors that dropped by unexpectedly.  A big part was mom catering to them.


Some examples:
  • Our cabin was near the lake.  She invited the kids over every day to fish in the mornings.  Not "come to our yard its ok!", but actually "come get us, we'll take you fishing".  We didn't mind that at first.  But she kept extending invitations to the point where dad was so busy taking them out on the fishing boat that neither my sister nor I got to go fishing with him because he was too tired.  Sis and I went out alone once.  And I took my dog out quite a few times.  But we never did get to go fishing with dad like we had planned.
  • The first time we planned to have the evening together as a family (dinner and games).  Mom agreed to go over to another family's cabin for dinner.  It became an all night thing because mom wouldn't leave.  There was no point in going without her because we needed her to play the games.
  • When we finally had a day where it was just going to be us for dinner and a family game night, SSAunt came by to borrow a phone charger.   She brought her son and our Grandma.  Mom invited them to come over for dinner.  Mom canceled her plans with us (boat trip) to talk.  Then she took grandma out on the boat instead of us.  Then mom had to cook extra food because the original plan was to feed 4-5 people now we were feeding 10+.  So we never did go out on the boat with her.
  • Whenever someone would drop by unexpectedly mom wouldn't say "sorry, we were just heading out"  she'd drop everything and cater to them.  To the point where we didn't do half of the things we wanted to do.  Sometimes Sis and I went alone, but mom would get mad that we were so rude to our guests.

So while the activities were fun mom turned everything into "lets invite everyone"  even though she had agreed to having at least one night where it was just us.  Then when we said anything about it she'd say "well I'm just being nice!".  And she'd get mad.




And SSAunt was kind of a jerk the whole time.  But that isn't mom's fault.  We did a lot of impromptu babysitting because she would come over with her kid and then leave without him.  She never asked.  The first time we just brought the kid back to her cabin.  But once she dropped him off and then went to get her hair and nails done and go shopping.

Elisabunny

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64
« Reply #65 on: August 20, 2013, 11:25:26 AM »
"But you're not being nice to us."
You must remember this: a ghoti is still a fish...

WillyNilly

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64
« Reply #66 on: August 20, 2013, 11:29:21 AM »
I think you need to start responding to your mom's "well I'm just being nice!" with a calm but firm "nice to who? Not to us. You are being cruel and hurtful to us." Make eye contact, say it and hold eye contact but stop talking. Make her defend herself. And if she tries to say she's not being hurtful to you, calmly respond, "actually it is hurtful. It makes me me feel like you would rather spend time with anyone else in the whole world but me. Every time you have the option of me or someone else, every time you pick someone else, and that hurts."

gramma dishes

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64
« Reply #67 on: August 20, 2013, 12:00:43 PM »
"But you're not being nice to us."

I think you need to start responding to your mom's "well I'm just being nice!" with a calm but firm "nice to who? Not to us. You are being cruel and hurtful to us." Make eye contact, say it and hold eye contact but stop talking. Make her defend herself. And if she tries to say she's not being hurtful to you, calmly respond, "actually it is hurtful. It makes me me feel like you would rather spend time with anyone else in the whole world but me. Every time you have the option of me or someone else, every time you pick someone else, and that hurts."

Exactly!  That's just so sad.   :'(

ladyknight1

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Re: Is this out of line or am I oversensitive? Update about trip-post 64
« Reply #68 on: August 20, 2013, 12:20:38 PM »
When does an extended family vacation go beyond guests and hosts? That is a little strange in my experience.

I'm glad you made it through, sorry it was disappointing.