Author Topic: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess  (Read 5825 times)

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Venus193

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Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« on: May 08, 2013, 09:58:37 AM »
http://www.creators.com/advice/annies-mailbox/parenting-as-mushy-as-the-mashed-potatoes.html

The title is almost self-explanatory.

If I were the owner of this restaurant I would not have taken their business again after this.

WillyNilly

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #1 on: May 08, 2013, 10:06:14 AM »
The problem I have with that family is - why didn't anyone say anything at the time. the kids are crawling under the table poking people? "Marge! Your son is under the table poking me, please handle this now." A kid threw a shoe? "Hey Phil, you kid needs a time out, why don't you take him out to the parking lot, now." A kid put a baked potato in her grandmother's coat pocket and mushed it? Her hand should be slapped. Etc.  If the kids had been reigned in earlier it would have been less of an issue, but rather it sounds like they were just allowed to run amok and no one said anything or tried to shame the parents.

Venus193

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #2 on: May 08, 2013, 10:11:28 AM »
Since this sounds like a whole generation of children in the same family one has to wonder about the parenting of the letter writer's generation that most of their children behave this way.  That whole generation of parents sound completely spineless.

In answer to the original question I would decline to go if the celebration isn't adults only. 

Zilla

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #3 on: May 08, 2013, 10:19:13 AM »
I also wonder why people didn't speak up during the behaviour.  I would have told the grandparents to issue invites stating Adults Only.  And if asked about, just refer to the funeral and what happened.  I am surprised the restaurant owner didn't refund the deposit and told them to find another place.

Venus193

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2013, 10:27:29 AM »
That shocks me, too.  Being paid for the cleaning doesn't compensate for the annoyance while the disruption was going on or compensate for lost future business from any of the patrons who decided not to return after that.

bopper

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #5 on: May 08, 2013, 10:43:38 AM »
If they are having an anniversary party there, just don't invite kids!

Hillia

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #6 on: May 08, 2013, 10:52:21 AM »
Given the level of entitledness and all around lousy behavior exhibited by the parents of hte out of control children, telling them 'no children' will have no effect at all...they'll just ignore it and wreak the same havoc again. Sad though it is for the parents celebrating a milestone anniversary, I would probably cancel the existing plans, and tell people exactly why, then make new plans with just the couples who can be counted on to behave in a civilized fashion (and again, tell the offenders exactly why when they find out and complain).  Family row?  Absolutely.  But those selfish people need to be called on their actions, just as their kids needed to be called on their misbehavior at the time, and suffer some consequences.

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Hmmmmm

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #7 on: May 08, 2013, 11:16:35 AM »
Based on this part
My grandmother asked the owner for a full bill of the damage and presented it to those children whose offspring made the mess. It started a huge family row, and of course, nobody is taking responsibility for their kids.
it sounds like they have a good idea of which parent's are the culprits. (I believe the parents are more at fault than the kids.)

I would not invite these family members to the anniversary party. I don't think it is fare for the responsible adults to be invited but not their out of control kids.

There's already been a huge family row so I'd send a note to those parents stating that until they refunded the cost of the damage and apologized for the behavior to the widow, they would not be welcome at any family event you were hosting.

Thipu1

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #8 on: May 08, 2013, 11:19:34 AM »
I agree with Hillia.

In our experience, there is often laughter at meals following funerals. A toast will usually be offered to her/his memory and people will recount happy memories. 

'Remember when Uncle Joe had that blue motorcycle and gave us rides around the block in the side-car?'. 'Ooh, wow!  that was fun!!!'

'Remember how Aunt Katie used to play the piano after Christmas Dinner?' 'She didn't play very well but we all had a good time.  I'd Love to hear her play just once more'.

You know the sort of thing.

However, the kids running wild and damaging the restaurant is not acceptable.  The older children
are often the leaders and, if they're allowed to do it,  the younger ones will follow.  Once it starts, wild behavior will escalate until it reaches the level in the OP.  Parents have to step in at the first instance and quell the rebellion.

If the later party is still being considered, great care should be taken with the guest list. It would be a shame if the Anniversary party had to be cancelled.  Still, it might be a good idea to give a stern heads-up to the family.  People love to see their Great-Grand-Children.  They just don't want to see them wreck the place. 

We had an experience like this several years ago and NEVER want to repeat it.       


Coralreef

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #9 on: May 08, 2013, 11:20:12 AM »
If that behavior is acceptable to the parents, I would cut off the parents.  Those families would never be invited to anything for a while, a lllooooonnnnggggg while. 

I've seen service dogs in training with better manners. 

Those children are in for a world of misery when they grow up and get into jobs or living on their own.

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snowdragon

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #10 on: May 08, 2013, 12:32:19 PM »
I also wonder why people didn't speak up during the behaviour.

Because far too many people have the idea that if the parent is allowing it there is nothing to be done. Honestly, if a child is doing this type of stuff - I would tell the kids to knock off and if the parents don't like it, tough. You don't get two chances to assault someone.

MrTango

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #11 on: May 08, 2013, 12:41:36 PM »
I also wonder why people didn't speak up during the behaviour.

Because far too many people have the idea that if the parent is allowing it there is nothing to be done. Honestly, if a child is doing this type of stuff - I would tell the kids to knock off and if the parents don't like it, tough. You don't get two chances to assault someone.

Agreed.  If a child is getting in my space, bothering me, or messing with my stuff, I absolutely reserve the right to tell the child to leave me or my stuff alone and go away.  If the child's parent or guardian doesn't like the idea of me telling the child off, then they should have been more proactive in keeping the child under control.

heartmug

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #12 on: May 08, 2013, 01:01:21 PM »
If they are having an anniversary party there, just don't invite kids!

POD.  You know what the kids are going to do.  You know the parents are not going to correct them.  Make it an adults only party and save some money.
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

Venus193

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #13 on: May 08, 2013, 01:44:23 PM »
I also wonder why people didn't speak up during the behaviour.

Because far too many people have the idea that if the parent is allowing it there is nothing to be done. Honestly, if a child is doing this type of stuff - I would tell the kids to knock off and if the parents don't like it, tough. You don't get two chances to assault someone.

Agreed.  If a child is getting in my space, bothering me, or messing with my stuff, I absolutely reserve the right to tell the child to leave me or my stuff alone and go away.  If the child's parent or guardian doesn't like the idea of me telling the child off, then they should have been more proactive in keeping the child under control.

Sean had friends once who were too spineless to discipline their children.  The boy had brittle bone disease and the girl was hyperactive.  Once at their home the girl tried to grab my hat off the rack by the door and I caught her in the act.  I told her in the Scary Parent Voice "Put that back now!"

She froze.  The look on her face told me she knew she had been doing something wrong and she was certainly old enough to know better.  Sean's ex later told me that this couple lost friends left, right, and sideways because of their children's behavior.

GSNW

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Re: Annie's Mailbox 5/8/13: Restaurant Mess
« Reply #14 on: May 08, 2013, 02:08:05 PM »
It's times like this I wish the LW was actually posting here so we could get an update.  I agree with PPs above who say - these family members are persona(s?) non grata at future events.  This is ridiculous, disrespectful, and infantile.  I would be so embarrassed if this were my family.