Etiquette School is in session! > "Why would I want to do that?"

Not quite the phrase, but thank you, Ehell!

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--- Quote from: Mel the Redcap on May 13, 2013, 04:58:58 AM ---
VorFemme, unfortunately perpetua is right - my mother is the type to latch onto any wiggle room given, and she won't just come back to the subject in six months - she'll demand updates and progress reports at random moments leading up to the deadline, and the first attempted extension of that deadline would get the uncomfortably perceptive "You're Just Using This To Avoid The Subject" lecture.  :P

--- End quote ---

Sadly, you know your mother best - if she's going to beat that dead horse into glue, then there is going to have to be another way to avoid that topic.

Would turning around and leaving every time she picked up that club and driving an hour to get home work?

I've grew up in Texas - most family members lived far enough away that it took a FOUR hour drive to get there - but nobody hounded anyone else about things to that degree.   Partly because there were so few times a year that Mom & Dad could take off work long enough to make it worthwhile driving four hours there and four hours back - partly because that wasn't the family dynamic (boy, do I feel lucky now).

Mel the Redcap:

--- Quote from: VorFemme on May 13, 2013, 06:31:40 PM ---Would turning around and leaving every time she picked up that club and driving an hour to get home work?

--- End quote ---

It doesn't need quite THAT big an etiquette hammer, thank goodness. :) She has very few subjects on which she'll lecture like that now, and I've been gradually paring them down - she stopped the "You Know I Have Pain Every Day And I Just Work Through It (Therefore So Should You)" one last year, and recently even admitted that she realises I have worse arthritis than she does - and the frequency with which she brings up the remaining ones has gone down a lot. Which is why I wasn't prepared for the weight lecture on Sunday. :P I'm fairly sure it's not going to come back, too, and if it does I should be able to shut it down pretty fast now. "Mum, we agreed not to discuss this" ought to do the trick.

She was much worse ten years ago. Practically any phone call could head into lecture land all of a sudden, on topics ranging from financial responsibility to personal cleanliness - the one about how SHE never got tummy bugs or colds and it was undoubtedly because she washed her hands a lot was rather insulting, given that at the time I caught any respiratory or gastro thing going and I DID wash my hands thankyouverymuch! - and if she visited me rather than the other way around I could expect her to start cleaning, lecture me about "the mess" even if I'd tidied right before she arrived, and then it would go right to pot with impassioned declarations that "I Expected Better Of You" and "I'm So Disappointed, I Work Full Time And Still Manage, Surely You Could Make More Of An Effort, Don't You Have Any Pride". (At the time, she paid a cleaning lady to do her house once a week. Pointing that out would not have improved matters.) As a result, I avoided having her visit me for a long, long time, without actually telling her what I was doing, and I'm pretty sure she realised; she's visited a couple of times recently without saying a single negative word. ;D

I think me getting married three years ago knocked her a bit out of Mum Lecturing Daughter mode and more into Talking To Another Grown Woman mode. I just have to get a few remaining subjects switched over. Verbal percussive maintenance ought to do it.  >:D

I have an aunt five years my senior that I still have problems with (some of the time) because SHE remembers when SHE was the elder who knew everything because she was MUCH older than I was.

Say when I was eleven and she was 16 and could DRIVE!  Or I was in high school and she was in college! 

The five year difference isn't so noticeable at 55 and 60.....although she does have a LOT more gray hair than I do (Mom's side of the family grays earlier than Dad's side of the family - guess I got the paternal gray hair genes!).

Verbal percussive maintenance it is!

More power to you, Mel!

I've had a couple of similar instances (where something is compared to another family member, they did something and therefore so should I!) and I eventually stumbled on the perfect response:

"My situation is different to *X*."

No further discussion, and just rinsed and repeated until they realised I wasn't going to be giving them any further information.


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