General Etiquette > Techno-quette

Facebook SS in the NY Times

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TeamBhakta:
BG: The writer, Joyce, had a falling out with a friend. Her complaint is about seeing the ex-friend's son's wedding photos on FB. Joyce wrote an article that was basically vaguebooking about "You hurt my feelings not inviting me, but I can still see your pictures." I'm under the impression many people avoid inviting Joyce to events, but maybe that's just me

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/09/booming/in-your-face-book-heres-the-party-you-werent-invited-to.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&_r=1&

kherbert05:

--- Quote from: TeamBhakta on May 12, 2013, 12:05:20 PM ---BG: The writer, Joyce, had a falling out with a friend. Her complaint is about seeing the ex-friend's son's wedding photos on FB. Joyce wrote an article that was basically vaguebooking about "You hurt my feelings not inviting me, but I can still see your pictures." I'm under the impression many people avoid inviting Joyce to events, but maybe that's just me

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/09/booming/in-your-face-book-heres-the-party-you-werent-invited-to.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&_r=1&

--- End quote ---
I have pictures of my sister's wedding and of my family's 4th of July party hanging in my home. You weren't invited and are coming over to visit. Does etiquette require  I remove them for your visit. Of course not.

If she doesn't want to see the pictures, she should have the friend blocked. I suspect she does want to see the pictures, so she can make catty remarks. She wanted to attend the wedding not to wish the young couple well, but to have more ammo for her remarks. She needs to get over herself and her former friend needs to catch a clue and block the woman.

JenJay:
She starts out with "A friend’s son got married a while back, and because of an unfortunate rift with my friend, I was not invited. I did, however, have the pleasure of looking at the Facebook pictures and seeing how old my friend had become. " I'm going to go ahead and guess that the Groom didn't invite her because he wanted his wedding to be a pleasant event for his mom. Sheesh!

Luci45:
There is a handy little button that says something like 'block feed'. It works quite well, and after a bit of time, I can start reading the friend's feed again. Which reminds me, I must go back and reinstate a friend's feed now that her fundraiser is over.

Usually, only about 3 pictures show up on the Home page, and one has to click on them to get more, then click more for every subsequent photo. She didn't have to do that. It is also pretty easy to just scroll past stuff you don't want to see. She already admitted that she knows why she wasn't invited to the wedding.

She doesn't even have to be on Facebook to begin with, or look at it.

Whole rant is entirely her problem.

TootsNYC:
I didn't think she was such a Special Snowflake.

I think she was just pointing out one of the pitfalls of Facebook. That Facebook—and the posting of pics, updates, etc.—makes it harder to maintain the polite illusions/deceptions that etiquette demands.

Since the supposed true intent of inviting anybody anywhere is to spend time with them, Miss Manners has deemed that the only *acceptable* reason to give for declining is "previous engagement." And that "it's a small wedding" is the only non-hurtful reason to give for why someone wasn't invited. And that posting stuff on Facebook makes it harder to maintain those little white lies.

That's all.

I didn't get from it the idea that she's upset about not being invited to the wedding (and in fact, it seems that she sort of enjoyed all the opportunities to be privately or internally catty--something Miss Manners actually endorses).

It's just that this incident in her own life got her musing about the etiquette risks that one runs w/ Facebook. Risks we here at EHell have ALSO commented on and (just like her!) urged people to be cautious about.

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