Author Topic: Cut off Dad?  (Read 2694 times)

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SheryllJane

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Cut off Dad?
« on: May 12, 2013, 07:00:24 PM »
BG:  My Dad and Mom were meet in college, were happily married, then had me and my sister.  My mother and sister died in a car accident when I was in kindergarten;  my dad remarried 6 months later to a women with a personality disorder (diagnosed per my dad).  My stepmother had a son from a previous marriage.  They had a baby boy together. 

When my mother died, I received about 1/4 of their total marital assets as they did not have a will so that is how the state parsed it out;  when my mother's mother died, I also inherited a substantial (think college tuition for 2 children at a public university with room and board) amount, but not a HUGE amount. 

My father and stepmother did a horrible job raising my younger brother, enabling him severely.  He has been in and out of prison for years. 

Stepmother died some time back and younger brother got out of prison about 3 years ago and my dad has been supporting him with his pension 100%.  My brother has also taken a lot of money from my dad, liberally.

My father was diagnosed with a cancer about a year and a half ago, and  my younger brother has been taking care of most of his physical and medical needs.  Recently my dad has taken a turn for the worse and my brother is worried he won't get the life insurance money, which my father has already indicated to my older brother and I that he wants to go to my younger brother fully.

Now my brother has behind my and my older brother's back gotton an illegal will and power or attorney, which my older brother and I will resolve by taking my dad to an attorney in the next few days. 

Since my dad's marriage to my stepmother, and especially with the arrival of my younger brother, he has put the needs of his wife and younger son ahead of me or my older brother.  He told them I had inherited a HUGE amount of money from my grandmother, and that is should have been his.  He also told them that I inherited his and my mother's whole estate, but of course neglected to tell them the accurate facts, and that he also received a life insurance settlement from my mother's death which was larger than their estate in total.

He borrowed money from me when I graduated from college, promised me he would pay me back a certain amount for interest each money (which he did for 2 months) and then pay me back when I needed it back.  I had to BEG and GROVEL for the money back to finish my last year of college and the guilt trip was huge.  Through the rest of the years he kept hitting me up for money, (of course I said no with support from DH) and my step mother even wanted to to pull my daughter from college to pay for their upcoming home foreclosure due to my dad's awful financial mistakes.

I keep getting reminded of his betrayal when my older brother and I try to meet with my dad to get him to sign power of attorney documents and will documents assigning these things to my older brother, to which he has finally agreed.

My question is, once the will and power of attorney are signed sealed and delivered can I not see him anymore...it is just TOOO Painful, even though he has a terminal condition?

SheryllJane

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2013, 07:20:58 PM »
Why I want to cut him off is that he has enabled my younger brother, to the point my younger brother is trying to exploit him financially, and he has allowed it up to this point.  When my older brother and I meet with him to discuss with him the need to stand up to the younger brother for his own good, it reminds me of the years and years of   being exploited, lied about and taken advantage of.

Millionaire Maria

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2013, 07:39:00 PM »
I'm not sure why you are wanting to meet with him to discuss his finances. Regardless of whether he's allowed his son to take advantage of him or not, it's not you business. To answer your question, no, you can not cut your father off immediately after attempting to convince him to change his will, particularly if those changes will benefit you in any way. If you want to cut him off, just do so. Part of the cut off is not accepting things from him. I think you need to stop being so invested in your father's relationship with your brother.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

Promise

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2013, 07:49:28 PM »
My husband is a pastor and has been a part of the challenges of many families. They particularly get fierce when someone is dying or has died. This is not unusual but is still painful. Generally things come to a head because money is the only thing we have left after someone dies. The person wasn't fair in life and we will fight so that we feel we were treated fairly in death. Often times the perpetrator (i.e.; your younger brother) usually wins. You have two choice - you can right fight or you can put it behind you. Which will give you peace going forward? Most of the time the money isn't what is going to give you satisfaction and peace. You can fight now if you want, but please determine in your heart that if you lose, that you will forgive and truly recognize that you have children with an education, that you have a good life, and learn to be content with what you have and not what you didn't get.

SadieBaby

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #4 on: May 12, 2013, 07:50:40 PM »
Unless your father still owes you money, I don't think his finances are your affair.  If he wants to make your younger brother his beneficiary, that's his decision to make.  You may not like it, but if in fact younger brother is taking care of your father in a terminal illness, he deserves some consideration.  You seem awfully focused on inheritances and money.  If you can't forgive your dad, cut him off by all means, but not after going out of your way to benefit financially after he dies.

Also -- what pinkiu said!  So true!

SheryllJane

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2013, 08:06:29 PM »
I was not clear, I'm sorry.  My dad has made it clear he wants his life insurance money to go to my younger brother and my older brother and I are committed to giving him the total amount of money.  My younger brother obtained a will be going to the nursing home, where he is getting rehabilitation and having my dad sign a new will and power of attorney.  The day my younger brother had this new will signed, my father was not of sound mind as he was contracting a bladder infection, and was partially confused.    The will was witnessed by a nurse on duty in the nursing home, which automatically invalidates the will;   but he still has a power of attorney.  He contacted my dad's doctor Friday by fax to have the doctor declare my father incompetent, because my brother wants to take over my father's current finances.  The doctor had just signed a letter last Tuesday that my father WAS competent, after my sister in law took him to his doctor visit and the doctor interviewed my dad in depth for 40 minutes.

My father, to me and my older brother, will tell us he wants to have control of his finances and wants a previous trust document to serve as his will, but when my brother is present he will say something else.  He claimed yesterday that my brother has stolen so much money from him that he would go back to prison, BUT he does not want to prosecute to have him go back to prison.  Also he has told his girlfriend and the social worker at the nursing home he wants to go to an attorney to sign a power of attorney for my older brother (not me). 

When he is wishy washy like this, and enables my younger brother, even though his girlfriend and he want my older brother and I to be involved and set limits, it reminds me and re-traumatizes me about how he actually exploited me financially, lied about me and married someone who was verbally and at times mildly physically abusive. 

My father apologized for putting my older brother and I through this, and thanked us, but it is very very painful for me. 

So, I guess I will just let it go and cut him off. 

SheryllJane

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2013, 08:10:03 PM »
The will will not benefit me. 

My older brother and  I went to see him yesterday to inform him that my younger brother had faxed the doctor with a request to have him declared incompetent and ask him what he wanted to do, have my older brother be on the checking account with him and help him handle his current bills, OR let my younger brother have at it.  He told us he wanted my older brother to handle the finances, admitted that he and my step mother did not know how to control my younger brother and apologized for the stress this has put me through. 

cass2591

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Re: Cut off Dad?
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2013, 08:20:14 PM »
I suggest talking to an attorney. They're more equipped to deal with offspring who fight about money.
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