The Playground Tattletale

[Redneck Gravy]

"I know <child> is <doing whatever>. I can see him/her. There is no rule against <particular activity>. It is okay for <child> to be doing that."

I probably ran into this several times when DDs were younger and this is the best response.  If he insists on annoying you after a couple of times HIS parents need to get involved. 

Sorry everyone this sounds like a bully in the early stages.  Does anyone else get that read?

 

[*inviteseller]

I don't see tattletale Ted as a bully.  I see him as either immature, someone with issues, or an extreme SS.  He sounds though to me to be the first one as most 9 year olds do not play in an area that is for little kids and exhibits behavior along the lines of a 4-5 year old.  His parents aren't doing him any favors though by not helping him with his social behaviors. 

[crella]

I used to do this, but got over it in 4th grade. My mother was hyper-strict and at times overly punitive and "bad behavior" (now that I look back, normal things I just wasn't allowed to do) bothered me terribly...it was BAAAD and someone had better do something! I also exhibited anxious OCD-like behavior like endlessly counting things (floor tiles, ceiling tiles, M&Ms which I still eat in matched pairs  ), straightening and re-straightening my room...I grew out of it, but I guess I was a PITA for a long time    'Thank you for telling me' might be kindest to the poor kid.

[cicero]

You handled it well. The boy sounds extremely odd - I know kids who become the playground police when they are young but to figure out everyone name and which child belongs to which parent is odd behavior. I don't know if this is bully-like - at nine years old a bully ( or a bully-in-training) wouldn't be running to the grownups but would be handling things his way

[Jocelyn]

When I worked in a children's home, our response was to interrupt the child and ask:
Is someone being harmed?
Is something being damaged?
Is the building on fire?
Then what you may be about to say could be tattling. If it is, you will receive a penalty for tattling. Now, do you still have something to say?

The kids very quickly learned what sorts of things needed to be reported.

[gen xer]

When I worked in a children's home, our response was to interrupt the child and ask:
Is someone being harmed?
Is something being damaged?
Is the building on fire?
Then what you may be about to say could be tattling. If it is, you will receive a penalty for tattling. Now, do you still have something to say?

The kids very quickly learned what sorts of things needed to be reported.

That's basically what i have used with my kids.  I drilled it into them from an early age that tattling was unacceptable and we had to ask ourselves :

"Are you trying to get someone in trouble or out of trouble?"  In other words if someone was about to get hurt, or hurt someone else ( Lord knows I don't want to be that parent who thinks it's always someone else's child who is the problem ) or otherwise have a really bad outcome then you can tell.  If you're trying to get someone in trouble then I will not listen to it.

My kids are ten and six.  Trust me they still try to tattle on each other.....but it gets shut down quickly when I ask "Are you ratting?"

I would do the same for this kid - maybe not in those words but do not reward a tattletale with anything that gives them any sense of importance.  No need to be harsh with a child - but you can definitely tell him that you don't listen to tattling in a neutral voice....and when he hasn't gotten his satisfaction you can decide whether you need to intervene with your own child. 

[artk2002]

When I worked in a children's home, our response was to interrupt the child and ask:
Is someone being harmed?
Is something being damaged?
Is the building on fire?
Then what you may be about to say could be tattling. If it is, you will receive a penalty for tattling. Now, do you still have something to say?

The kids very quickly learned what sorts of things needed to be reported.

Very similar to the rubric taught at my sons' elementary school.  Reporting is to keep someone safe; tattling is to get someone in trouble.

[bonyk]

That seems weird to me. My firstborn takes it upon herself to police the playground all the time. But she's not yet five. I don't know if I've ever seen a kid as old as nine do it to this extreme. I always ask my daughter, "Does it matter?" Most of the time it makes her stop and think about it and decide that, no, it doesn't matter. I wonder if that would work on a kid who doesn't know you.

I think it would.  I'd probably respond with a friendly, "Okay.  Why are you telling me about it?"  Child then can tell me that it's bad, or against the rules.  Then I'd reply with an equally cheery, "Actually, it's not against the rules.  But thanks for trying to help!"

However, I teach kids of this age group, so I'm used to talking to them.  I understand that other people might not be so willing to get into a whole discussion with the tattler.

[DollyPond]

I know a couple who are like this as adults (tattled to the manager of a restaurant because they thought a customer refilled his soda too many times.  Really?) so I can definitely see their child (now only 3) acting like this and then being praised by Mom and Dad for being so vigilant.

[Redneck Gravy]

We teach our kids not to tattle; then we are shocked when no one wants to get "involved" later in life.

I think this is something that we need to address at an early age - what is tattling and what involves physical harm, property damage, theft, etc.   

Again, when DD's were young and there was the constant tattler I would tell them I can see xyz and that is okay.  As parents we have to be able to distinguish between a tattler and a warning for our child's safety, who knew it would be so hard!