General Etiquette > Family and Children

Over protective mommy?

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LilacGirl1983:
My husband and I disagree again...He thinks I should of said nothing at all and done nothing..I disagree..so I thought to get some outside input and maybe learn a different way of doing things if I did wrong...

We went to the play ground last night and it was very nice overall. Until we get to these bars that have a triangle thing to slide across a bar.  So it would be a straight line across..then you would get to the other platform..well this family had 4 kids there and some other kids were there..The two older kids I want to say 8-12ish had one of the bars and was not sharing with anyone..and the other two younger kids were doing the same or telling the other kids when they could go..my daughter went in line and waited and waited and waited about 10 minutes and she didn't get a turn at all..she came back and complained  I told her to use her words (she is quiet when she doesn't know people) and gave her the words to use "I would like a turn please" then she went back again and tried using her words again she waited another 10 minutes..other big kids came over to where the other ones were and wanted turns..no parents were in sight..I went to get up..hubby said no leave it..our daughter came over again 3rd time..Said they aren't sharing..

we suggested other things to do she wanted the sliders..the boys looked like they were going to leave so we told her to go wait in line the boys are leaving..well they didn't..they took over the 2nd one.. I got up and waddled over there and told them they need to share with the younger kids and told them I have seen them use it for a long time..ok the boys said..went and sat down..well they shared for maybe a turn or two..waited again to see if they would start sharing again..didn't 2nd time  I got up and told them they needed to share and stood there for a bit watching..the mom finally came over and chewed the boys out for not sharing and I didn't say anything to the mom just went and sat down until it was time to go...

Hubby said I shouldn't have said anything and someday a parent is going to pop me in the face because I corrected their kid..I said our daughter who is 5 still needs someone to make sure she is treated fairly and I gave her time to try to fix it herself..I wasn't rude or condescending to those kids..just stated they need to share the toy with the younger kids..SO thoughts on handling it differently? Or if I was ok?

deadbody:

--- Quote from: LilacGirl1983 on May 15, 2013, 11:10:40 AM ---My husband and I disagree again...He thinks I should of said nothing at all and done nothing..I disagree..so I thought to get some outside input and maybe learn a different way of doing things if I did wrong...

We went to the play ground last night and it was very nice overall. Until we get to these bars that have a triangle thing to slide across a bar.  So it would be a straight line across..then you would get to the other platform..well this family had 4 kids there and some other kids were there..The two older kids I want to say 8-12ish had one of the bars and was not sharing with anyone..and the other two younger kids were doing the same or telling the other kids when they could go..my daughter went in line and waited and waited and waited about 10 minutes and she didn't get a turn at all..she came back and complained  I told her to use her words (she is quiet when she doesn't know people) and gave her the words to use "I would like a turn please" then she went back again and tried using her words again she waited another 10 minutes..other big kids came over to where the other ones were and wanted turns..no parents were in sight..I went to get up..hubby said no leave it..our daughter came over again 3rd time..Said they aren't sharing..

we suggested other things to do she wanted the sliders..the boys looked like they were going to leave so we told her to go wait in line the boys are leaving..well they didn't..they took over the 2nd one.. I got up and waddled over there and told them they need to share with the younger kids and told them I have seen them use it for a long time..ok the boys said..went and sat down..well they shared for maybe a turn or two..waited again to see if they would start sharing again..didn't 2nd time  I got up and told them they needed to share and stood there for a bit watching..the mom finally came over and chewed the boys out for not sharing and I didn't say anything to the mom just went and sat down until it was time to go...

Hubby said I shouldn't have said anything and someday a parent is going to pop me in the face because I corrected their kid..I said our daughter who is 5 still needs someone to make sure she is treated fairly and I gave her time to try to fix it herself..I wasn't rude or condescending to those kids..just stated they need to share the toy with the younger kids..SO thoughts on handling it differently? Or if I was ok?

--- End quote ---

I know this isn't the popular viewpoint here, but why do they need to share?  Were they using the implement for it's intended purpose in a safe manner?  I assume this isn't like a slide where you line up to go down and then go back, but more like a place you can climb up and sit on.

They were using it, your daughter asked for a turn and they declined to stop using it so she could.  There is no reason they should have to stop using it just so someone else can.

My entire post is null and void if it is something like a slide and you had a group of kids who were basically letting a small group cut the line every time.  But if this is something that can be (and is expected to be) used both ways, and one group was just using it that way I don't see why they should stop just so someone else can go.

Janice:
I think you were fine. You didn't yell, you let your daughter try to resolve it (and when you're 5 years old, speaking up to an 8-12 year old kid can be pretty intimidating), and obviously the mother agreed with your assessment based on her disciplining her kids when she got there.

The playground equipment is for ALL kids, and while it's not unreasonable for kids to take turns on some equipment that might take a bit of time (like swings), it's still public property and they need to be aware that other kids deserve a turn. If they want it all to themselves for as long as they want it without sharing, their parents need to buy them their own private playset. The OP said her daughter waited at least 10 minutes each time, and asked politely for a turn and was ignored. That comes under my definition of "hogging" the equipment, which is rude.

Kids need to learn that the world does not revolve solely around them in order to function in society. Fair, firm impartial corrections from an adult in shared public settings like a playground are a learning experience towards this goal. My sis has 3 boys and works with kids. Her take on this kind of situation is that kids are like dogs, and respond best to consistent expectations of good behavior which are expressed and enforced by everyone around them when in public.

As for your husband's comment...well the kind of parents he's referring to are the ones who end up on e-hell for their contribution to raising the kind of spoiled, entitled little brats who give all parents a bad name. If I were threatened in a playground by such a person, I don't think I'd have any hesitation recording the person with a smart phone and calling the cops.

LilacGirl1983:
It is kind of like a moving bar... its like this   platform-----V--------platform   They can hold on to the V and slide from one side to the other..kids wait on each side for a turn so one kid starts on one platform..slides over and lets the kid on the other platform slide the other way and then the next kid goes..back and forth..so really they could get a lot of turns if they took turns..it takes maybe 10-15 seconds to slide across and lines would go very fast...there was two of them..and about 10 kids there..the 2 that were hogging one of it..4 kids 2 on each platform..then the other 2 kids where hogging the other one and about 3-5 kids waiting ..2-3 on each side..so it wasn't just my daughter not getting turns..it was other kids too..Granted they could have played elsewhere but they didn't want to..and the kids shouldn't monopolize it for that long..it was at least 20-30 minutes before I said anything

Janice I agree..but thought maybe I was being to over protective :)

ScubaGirl:
I think you did the right thing.  I have trouble with confrontation and I believe it is because my parents were nonconfrontational.  I didn't have examples of how it is OK to stand up to what is wrong (plus your daughter is only 5).  Actually, reading eHell through the years has helped me a lot.  I can be direct and polite now instead of fuming internally.

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