Author Topic: Getting hit on at work?  (Read 4636 times)

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mrsbrandt

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Getting hit on at work?
« on: May 17, 2013, 08:38:20 PM »
I work in a very professional environment. I'm a government employee at the moment and wear suiting wear (skirt suits, pants suits, very conservative clothing) every day. I just started my job on Monday. And so far I'm batting 100% for getting hit on every single day. I'm married. I'm not interested. I'm not flirting.

How do you respond when someone tries to start a flirting conversation with you and you don't want it? So far I've been bean dipping and walking away quickly. Any recommendations, because I'd hate for this to reflect poorly on me professionally (personally I can handle it and I don't care). Specifically I'm worried about the message this sends, as me being a women in this male dominated field and that it might reflect on my professional abilities to deal with clients. I'd really appreciate any advice.

Shoo

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #1 on: May 17, 2013, 08:40:02 PM »
Are you absolutely positive they are flirting with you? 

Library Dragon

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #2 on: May 17, 2013, 08:40:30 PM »
Is it co-workers or the public?

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mrsbrandt

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #3 on: May 17, 2013, 08:42:30 PM »
The public and yes. It's never just a professional conversation once it's that tone of voice and then its typically the request for my phone number of more personal information, or really inappropriate compliments. It's super awkward.

hyzenthlay

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #4 on: May 17, 2013, 08:45:30 PM »
Just smile and continue the conversation. If you are certain there is flirting, grimace, leave a small akward pause then pick up the conversation in a job related manner. 

If you are really being flirted with every day you may need to adjust your wardrobe, hair or makeup.

Millicent

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #5 on: May 17, 2013, 09:03:03 PM »
She's already dressing professionally, how could she adjust her wardrobe? Why should she adjust her wardrobe?

Winterlight

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #6 on: May 17, 2013, 09:05:29 PM »
Is this a receptionist type of job? If so, I doubt it's anything you're doing- or not doing. The switchboard operator at my job gets hit on all. the. time. by people who assume that if you're polite to them on the phone you must want to date them. Someone asked her if she had "childbearing hips" apropos of nothing in the conversation. That one went to our supervisor.
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To whom you speak,
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And how, and when, and where.
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mrsbrandt

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #7 on: May 17, 2013, 09:09:44 PM »
Nope not a switchboard operator or receptionist. I'm technically just helping my bosses, who do need to travel around the building and deal with the general public. At no point do I even speak to the general public really. It's just that some members of the general public like to say things when they see me in the hallway or walking around the building.

Samantha

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #8 on: May 17, 2013, 09:09:53 PM »
No, hyzenthlay, she doesn't need to adjust her wardrobe, hair, or makeup. This statement...

If you are really being flirted with every day you may need to adjust your wardrobe, hair or makeup.

is just as bad as stating that a woman deserved to be sexually assaulted or that she asked for it because of what she was wearing. 

If it were coworkers, I'd suggest speaking to management about it; but as it is the public, I'm not sure what direction to go. You mention that you are female in a male-dominated profession. Are there ANY other women in your department, or that have worked with the public in a similar capacity to what you do? I would ask them how they handled it.

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*inviteseller

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #9 on: May 17, 2013, 09:16:04 PM »
Just carry on like they never asked for your phone number or made any inappropriate comments.  Not showing any bit of emotion should shut them down (and hopefully embarrass them). 

Olympia

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2013, 09:21:39 PM »
If you are really being flirted with every day you may need to adjust your wardrobe, hair or makeup.

This comes perilously close to "she was asking for it."

hyzenthlay

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2013, 09:25:48 PM »
She's already dressing professionally, how could she adjust her wardrobe? Why should she adjust her wardrobe?

People who look young single and 'trendy' can attract unwanted attention. And since the attention is coming from the public there isn't much she's going to be able to do to 'retrain' them. Changing her style to something more 'drab' may help. It's not exclusive to being female. There is a young man in my department who spends longer chatting with some of the women then would be ideal given his workload.

OP, do you look as though you are open to conversation? Try to roll your shoulders back and stand straight. When you are moving, move with purpose. When you are standing have something you are looking at or reading. Minimize eye contact with members of the public and practice a minimal 'I acknowledge you' minimal smile. Or simply nod without the smile.

LeveeWoman

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2013, 09:39:37 PM »
She's already dressing professionally, how could she adjust her wardrobe? Why should she adjust her wardrobe?

People who look young single and 'trendy' can attract unwanted attention. And since the attention is coming from the public there isn't much she's going to be able to do to 'retrain' them. Changing her style to something more 'drab' may help. It's not exclusive to being female. There is a young man in my department who spends longer chatting with some of the women then would be ideal given his workload.

OP, do you look as though you are open to conversation? Try to roll your shoulders back and stand straight. When you are moving, move with purpose. When you are standing have something you are looking at or reading. Minimize eye contact with members of the public and practice a minimal 'I acknowledge you' minimal smile. Or simply nod without the smile.



Where does she say she dresses that way? She said she dresses in conservative clothing.

Edited to fix the quote tree.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2013, 09:48:45 PM by LeveeWoman »

AllGoodThings

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2013, 09:41:59 PM »
She's already dressing professionally, how could she adjust her wardrobe? Why should she adjust her wardrobe?

People who look young single and 'trendy' can attract unwanted attention. And since the attention is coming from the public there isn't much she's going to be able to do to 'retrain' them. Changing her style to something more 'drab' may help. It's not exclusive to being female. There is a young man in my department who spends longer chatting with some of the women then would be ideal given his workload.

OP, do you look as though you are open to conversation? Try to roll your shoulders back and stand straight. When you are moving, move with purpose. When you are standing have something you are looking at or reading. Minimize eye contact with members of the public and practice a minimal 'I acknowledge you' minimal smile. Or simply nod without the smile.
Spending more time chatting has nothing to do with his wardrobe. That is an action. He can be told to stop by management. I think it's unfair to the OP to say she needs to change her wardrobe or behavior when she isn't the problem.

OP, perhaps you can just stop talking when this happens and look at the speaker. The lull should be enough to let them know they overstepped.

hyzenthlay

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #14 on: May 17, 2013, 09:50:55 PM »
Where does she say she dresses that way? She said she dresses in conservative clothing.


Which is why I said she may need to consider a change in hair makeup or wardrobe. Not should, may. I have no idea.

Apparently she works for 'We Serve Chavaunist Pigs Inc.' All the affront at my suggestion is very appropriate for any social situation, but this is not a social situation. This is a job which apparently attracts pigs to her workplace. Minimizing the time and effort wasted in dealing with pigs might be served with a change in appearance, or it might not. I did make a following post with posture and attitude suggestions as well.

I won't derail the thread any further. My intent was only to help the OP.