Author Topic: Getting hit on at work?  (Read 4121 times)

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Jocelyn

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #30 on: May 18, 2013, 12:53:04 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

Audrey Quest

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #31 on: May 18, 2013, 01:08:02 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

I think you missed my point. 

The point is not to convey to the men that she is flattered but to use that attitude to empower herself to rise above it.

Yvaine

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #32 on: May 18, 2013, 01:12:27 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

I think you missed my point. 

The point is not to convey to the men that she is flattered but to use that attitude to empower herself to rise above it.

I can think of few things less empowering than faking pleasure when someone is being a creep and pumping up his ego by calling it "sweet of you," as you suggested. I'd probably gag on the words.

TylerBelle

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #33 on: May 18, 2013, 01:14:15 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

This.  :)

If you convey how flattered, or how nice they are being, but you need to remain professional, will be as a big flashing green light of "Yippee! She enjoys my attentions!" and they won't be catching on much to the latter part of your statement.

As suggested, straight-forward and to the point I would think is the best solution. I wish you well in your new job, it sounds exciting in all the other areas.
Always be on the lookout for wonder. --E.B. White

Audrey Quest

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #34 on: May 18, 2013, 01:17:44 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

I think you missed my point. 

The point is not to convey to the men that she is flattered but to use that attitude to empower herself to rise above it.

I can think of few things less empowering than faking pleasure when someone is being a creep and pumping up his ego by calling it "sweet of you," as you suggested. I'd probably gag on the words.

That's why there are so many of us to give advice.  What works for one person may not work for everyone.  It happens to work very well for me.

Audrey Quest

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #35 on: May 18, 2013, 01:24:51 PM »
I agree with Audrey Quest and Redsoil - no need for an icy stare or to put people on the defensive. Just casually make it known you are flattered but not interested and move on.
Men who make passes at random women don't need the message that their attentions are flattering- they already believe that women are or should be incredibly flattered at their attentions. Telling them that she's flattered only rewards them and makes it more likely they'll repeat their behavior, either to her or to another unwilling recipient.  A statement along the lines of, 'Let's keep this on a professional level, please. What related to my job duties can I do to assist you?'  is more likely to get the message across.

This.  :)

If you convey how flattered, or how nice they are being, but you need to remain professional, will be as a big flashing green light of "Yippee! She enjoys my attentions!" and they won't be catching on much to the latter part of your statement.

As suggested, straight-forward and to the point I would think is the best solution. I wish you well in your new job, it sounds exciting in all the other areas.

Again, I never suggested conveying to them how flattered one is.  My suggestion of what to say is just one possibility depending on how strongly someone comes on.

Silence usually works fine as well.  They know you heard them but you don't react to it at all.

It is however empowering to assume that their intentions, while innappropriate for the situation are not malicious.  It puts them into a context that makes them easier to deal with.

I have never found that having anxiety or awkwardness about a situation, or being defensive, is conducive to conveying easy confidence and boundaries.

TurtleDove

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #36 on: May 18, 2013, 01:30:33 PM »
What AQ said - the point is not the the woman is flattered but rather that she is not going to assume the worst of people and turn a casual comment into World War III. I am hit on a lot and polite kindness then taking charge by refocusing on the task at hand works for me.

Yvaine

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Re: Getting hit on at work?
« Reply #37 on: May 18, 2013, 01:42:56 PM »
No one is suggesting turning it into WWIII--it's just that sugarcoating to salve the guy's ego doesn't help anything either. And I really don't get this idea I've seen around ehell a lot--the idea that being angry about being treated badly is somehow disempowering. So many of the movements toward greater social justice have grown out of people being angry--they didn't grow out of people saying "My life is just hunky-dory--but wouldn't it be even more awesome if we could vote?"

I think it's sometimes more comforting to believe it's just because you (general you) are pretty, but it actually grows more often out of believing women are lesser people and sex objects.
« Last Edit: May 18, 2013, 01:45:14 PM by Yvaine »