Author Topic: Help me write a note  (Read 1864 times)

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AlgaeSea

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Help me write a note
« on: May 19, 2013, 12:04:35 PM »
BG:  My husband has been in critical condition in ICU for almost two weeks.  He is getting better but nowhere near in the clear.  My stepmother's dad has been dying of cancer for a while.

Friday they tried to take out my husband's respirator in didn't work and he almost "drowned" from fluids in his lungs. While I was dealing with that I found out (via email) that my stepmother's dad died.   I had just got done sending a good update about the respirator being removed when I received the death email.  The email was actually sent about three hours earlier but due to connection issues I did not receive it until then.

Shortly after I sent the good email things went south for my husband and I was dealing with that. At the end of the evening I was exhausted and sent out a final update about how they had to put the respirator back in.

I just now realized I never responded to the note about my stepmother's dad.

So how do I respond now. 

weeblewobble

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2013, 12:08:51 PM »
As long as you have a good relationship with your stepmom, she will probably understand that you've been going through stress of your own. Try:

Dear Stepmom,

I am so very sorry to hear about your father.  He will be missed.  And please excuse my late response to your sad news.  DH has been going through some very serious health issues in the last few weeks and I'm afraid I didn't devote the time and attention that your note deserved.  Please forgive me.

Sincerely,
Algae

Pen^2

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2013, 12:17:22 PM »
What weeblewobble said sounds great.

And I hope your husband recovers smoothly. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be coping with such a thing and have a relative die in the meantime. Your husband sounds lucky to be married to someone as strong as you.

WillyNilly

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2013, 12:28:25 PM »
I agree with Weeble. I"m sure you stepmother understands whats going on. I also am sure that she didn't expect everyone everywhere to drop everything at that moment and respond - condolences trickle in for days after a death.

Best of luck and big supportive (((HUGS))) to your whole family.

Margo

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2013, 01:01:02 PM »
More hugs for you.

I don't think that an instant response is necessary or expected. Say whatever you would say if you had just received the news. send condolences, love etc.

I personally would probably not mention your DH as however sympathetic your stepmom is, her focus will be on her father, not your husband, and if she is inclined to be touchy then she could interpret it as you putting your concerns over hers.

If, and only if, she queries why you didn't respond faster, you can then explain that DH was very ill and had a crisis, and that you responded as soon as you were able to. (which is true)

AlgaeSea

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2013, 01:21:31 PM »
Actually she is very much aware about my husbands condition. In fact she and my father came up to be with me when things were very critical with my husband (while her father was dieing). She has mentioned my husband in emails and she has been copied on all of my updates.

I on the other hand have been concentrating so much on my husband I have not said anything about her problems.   So since her father died I have sent three updates about my husband and never aknowledged the death of her father. That is why this note is so difficult to write.

I feel very selfish.


cicero

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2013, 01:28:00 PM »
Actually she is very much aware about my husbands condition. In fact she and my father came up to be with me when things were very critical with my husband (while her father was dieing). She has mentioned my husband in emails and she has been copied on all of my updates.

I on the other hand have been concentrating so much on my husband I have not said anything about her problems.   So since her father died I have sent three updates about my husband and never aknowledged the death of her father. That is why this note is so difficult to write.

I feel very selfish.
you are the opposite of very selfish. the fact that you can, at a time like this, think about your step mother and how badly you are feeling about not writing just points to the fact that you are a very caring and loving person.

what weeble wobble said and please take time to take care of yourself. I hope that your husband's condition improves soon.

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m2kbug

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2013, 02:13:52 PM »
Don't feel selfish.  I would just respond like you just received it, and I agree with the other poster to leave your husband out of this one.  They are well-aware of your own circumstances and I'm sure will understand completely with your late response.  I'm so sorry about your husband.  I hope he recovers soon.  (((Hugs)))

kherbert05

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2013, 06:17:42 PM »
Actually she is very much aware about my husbands condition. In fact she and my father came up to be with me when things were very critical with my husband (while her father was dieing). She has mentioned my husband in emails and she has been copied on all of my updates.

I on the other hand have been concentrating so much on my husband I have not said anything about her problems.   So since her father died I have sent three updates about my husband and never aknowledged the death of her father. That is why this note is so difficult to write.

I feel very selfish.


It sounds like you both have a good relationship. Send a sincere note. If you knew her father mention a pleasant memory. I wouldn't even mention it being late. Follow up with a phone call, when you can. She knows you have been dealing with a medical emergency and that you are probably sleep deprived with limited access to the internet and most hospitals still restrict mobile phone use.
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TootsNYC

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Re: Help me write a note
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2013, 01:04:26 PM »
I would phone.

I would never reply to this sort of thing from someone close to me via text or email.

And you can make your warmth and your concern SO much more evidenct if you have tone of voice as your tool.

Pick up the phone. Call her.