Author Topic: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.  (Read 10390 times)

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ladyknight1

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2013, 09:42:19 AM »
I have a BIL you has very different views on religion and politics. He occasionally posts something I think is very inflammatory. I choose to ignore those posts and don't click on the links. I don't love him any less for his beliefs or fault him for choosing to share his beliefs in any method he chooses.

This is my stance. I have a few aunts and uncles on both my family and my DH that spout nonsense online. I don't personalize it.

MrTango

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2013, 09:51:05 AM »
LadyL, I also find certain views to be toxic.

I can handle people whose politics and religion differ drasticly from me.  Frequently, I'll hide their views from my feed and just make a mental note not to discuss that topic with them.

On the other hand, if I see someone make homophobic slurs on Facebook (or any other medium), they get the Cut Direct from me.

TootsNYC

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2013, 11:32:29 AM »
You've regularly had chats with her in the past without censoring your topics of conversation and she has never once said anything to your face that you find offensive.  Her FB wall is a place where she can share her views as she pleases and you've handled that appropriately but there's nothing to suggest that she feels then need to convert you to her opinions.  I'd just carry on as you have been and only take action to distance myself if you see that she wants to espouse her opinions to your face.

I don't understand the idea that FB is somehow a private space for people to espouse all their opinions. FB puts your opinions right in my face, unless I choose to block them, so saying that all purple people are stupid on FB is like saying it right to my face.

Anything you choose to say on FB does affect real life relationships, because it is real life. FB is a method of communication. If the OP's relation were to print out the jokes and slurs and post them to everyone she knows, or phone everyone she knows and say the same thing, it would be exactly the same.

In my opinion, you shouldn't say anything on FB that you wouldn't say to everyone on your friends list in person.

All yous general.

I choose not to take things written online personally unless they are specifically directed at me. I don't care what your opinions are providing that you don't treat me differently because of them.

...
Unless you TREAT me like an idiot to my face, or try to convince me not to like them, or spend al our conversation bagging them, I don't care that in that area, you think I'm an idiot.  I think you're an idiot for not seeing the magic of Milli Vanilli.  We move on as friends, each accepting the idiocy of the other.

But this is an example of how people are different.  Clearly not everyone is comfortable separating their opinions like that, and prefer to be friends with those of similar opinions to their own, which is fine :)


I think people say things online in ways that they might not in person. Or with a vehemence that they might not in person.

Then again, my Rude Political Uncle *did* act as though anything I said to him online--however measured--was something that should be pursued, rudely, in real life. He *did* push it outside the online forum.

nuit93

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2013, 12:23:14 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Slartibartfast

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2013, 01:04:32 PM »
/threadjack  CRUD MONKEYS! milli vannilli, flashbacks!!  i was a big fan but then the whole "they didn't actually sing on their songs" scandal came out...  /end threadjack

Which is so funny, because nowadays you'd be hard-pressed to find a pop star who DID sing their own songs while in concert.  Most of them lip-sync to pre-recorded versions of their hits, which have been modified and auto-tuned beyond recognition.

bansidhe

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2013, 03:04:59 PM »
I think what bothers me in this case is that it feels like this in-law is hiding something, or has a double standard for her behavior. Either she doesn't have the gumption to speak these views in public, OR she thinks it's fine to be polite in public but do things like name call on facebook.

I would place my bets on both being the case, having run into quite a few people with the same MO. It's cowardly, PA behavior*. If I were in your shoes and ran into the in-law in person, I would be civil, but not very warm and if she asked why (probably unlikely) I would flat-out tell her why.


* I'm fine with people having different opinions and sharing them on Facebook. I am not fine with people calling others who don't share their opinions idiots and morons.
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Diane AKA Traska

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #21 on: May 21, 2013, 03:48:43 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Quick answer:  Gender is mental because identity is mental because we are not our meat, we are our minds.  Suppose you could do brain transplants... if you took Bob's brain and put it into Jack's body and vice-versa, which person would be Bob?  Bob's body or Bob's brain?  We are the sum of our mentality.  So if that's true, then if you think you are female, you are, and the meat is wrong, not the brain.
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nuit93

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #22 on: May 21, 2013, 03:57:40 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Quick answer:  Gender is mental because identity is mental because we are not our meat, we are our minds.  Suppose you could do brain transplants... if you took Bob's brain and put it into Jack's body and vice-versa, which person would be Bob?  Bob's body or Bob's brain?  We are the sum of our mentality.  So if that's true, then if you think you are female, you are, and the meat is wrong, not the brain.

Yeah...he couldn't get past the "if you have male PARTS, you are male, period".

Never mind that said woman had legally changed her gender (in my state you don't need surgery to do that).  Gaaah...ignorance bugs me sometimes.

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #23 on: May 21, 2013, 04:31:03 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Quick answer:  Gender is mental because identity is mental because we are not our meat, we are our minds.  Suppose you could do brain transplants... if you took Bob's brain and put it into Jack's body and vice-versa, which person would be Bob?  Bob's body or Bob's brain?  We are the sum of our mentality.  So if that's true, then if you think you are female, you are, and the meat is wrong, not the brain.

Yeah...he couldn't get past the "if you have male PARTS, you are male, period".

Never mind that said woman had legally changed her gender (in my state you don't need surgery to do that).  Gaaah...ignorance bugs me sometimes.

Blow his mind: ask him about people born with both.  :)
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Philadelphia, PA

LadyL

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #24 on: May 21, 2013, 04:32:25 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Quick answer:  Gender is mental because identity is mental because we are not our meat, we are our minds.  Suppose you could do brain transplants... if you took Bob's brain and put it into Jack's body and vice-versa, which person would be Bob?  Bob's body or Bob's brain?  We are the sum of our mentality.  So if that's true, then if you think you are female, you are, and the meat is wrong, not the brain.

Yeah...he couldn't get past the "if you have male PARTS, you are male, period".

Never mind that said woman had legally changed her gender (in my state you don't need surgery to do that).  Gaaah...ignorance bugs me sometimes.

Blow his mind: ask him about people born with both.  :)

Or ask him if his brain was transplanted into your body, would that make him a women because he'd have "woman parts?"  >:D

nuit93

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #25 on: May 21, 2013, 04:32:51 PM »
I almost gave my BIL the cut on FB after he posted an article with a very bigoted slant about a transwoman who'd been in the news in my area.  Since she was a friend of a friend of mine, I attempted to educate him about trans issues and why it was NOT okay to refer to her as "him", even though she was pre-op.

Yeah...it didn't go well.

Quick answer:  Gender is mental because identity is mental because we are not our meat, we are our minds.  Suppose you could do brain transplants... if you took Bob's brain and put it into Jack's body and vice-versa, which person would be Bob?  Bob's body or Bob's brain?  We are the sum of our mentality.  So if that's true, then if you think you are female, you are, and the meat is wrong, not the brain.

Yeah...he couldn't get past the "if you have male PARTS, you are male, period".

Never mind that said woman had legally changed her gender (in my state you don't need surgery to do that).  Gaaah...ignorance bugs me sometimes.

Blow his mind: ask him about people born with both.  :)

What already blows my mind is that he and I went to the same high school and attended the same health class where we learned about all of this and the differences between them.

Oh well, I'm not the one that married him :)

CakeEater

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #26 on: May 21, 2013, 05:51:06 PM »
You've regularly had chats with her in the past without censoring your topics of conversation and she has never once said anything to your face that you find offensive.  Her FB wall is a place where she can share her views as she pleases and you've handled that appropriately but there's nothing to suggest that she feels then need to convert you to her opinions.  I'd just carry on as you have been and only take action to distance myself if you see that she wants to espouse her opinions to your face.

I don't understand the idea that FB is somehow a private space for people to espouse all their opinions. FB puts your opinions right in my face, unless I choose to block them, so saying that all purple people are stupid on FB is like saying it right to my face.

Anything you choose to say on FB does affect real life relationships, because it is real life. FB is a method of communication. If the OP's relation were to print out the jokes and slurs and post them to everyone she knows, or phone everyone she knows and say the same thing, it would be exactly the same.

In my opinion, you shouldn't say anything on FB that you wouldn't say to everyone on your friends list in person.

All yous general.

I choose not to take things written online personally unless they are specifically directed at me. I don't care what your opinions are providing that you don't treat me differently because of them.

...
Unless you TREAT me like an idiot to my face, or try to convince me not to like them, or spend al our conversation bagging them, I don't care that in that area, you think I'm an idiot.  I think you're an idiot for not seeing the magic of Milli Vanilli.  We move on as friends, each accepting the idiocy of the other.

But this is an example of how people are different.  Clearly not everyone is comfortable separating their opinions like that, and prefer to be friends with those of similar opinions to their own, which is fine :)


I think people say things online in ways that they might not in person. Or with a vehemence that they might not in person.

Then again, my Rude Political Uncle *did* act as though anything I said to him online--however measured--was something that should be pursued, rudely, in real life. He *did* push it outside the online forum.

And the rudeness was an issue, obviously. But I can't understand how people can separate online, from 'in person.' They're both us. Just because we're sitting behind a computer, doesn't mean that it's not said to me.

I often talk to people in real life about news I've learned on FB. People often make plans with me on FB and we turn up in real life.

People can hold whatever views they like - but if they express them to me via face to face talk, FB, telephone call, email or billboard on their street, my opinion of that person changes.

I have an acquaintance who I quite liked, then I played sport with her and saw an ugly side I didn't like. My opinion changed. Then she started sending pretty interesting emails criticizing  some policies that I'm rather fond of. My opinion changed again.

I don't hate her and I'm friendly when we see each other, but I really can't be friends with her now. Because I know things about her now through those two formats, one in real life, and one online, that I don't especially like. They're both her, and I can't separate those in my mind.

immadz

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #27 on: May 21, 2013, 07:22:51 PM »
My personal line to when I will cut real life friendships based on online actions is:  "If a friend posts a facebook status recommending or believing in an action which if carried out in real life would be evil or constitute as genocide"

So if you say something like " I think Red Deity is wrong" or " I believe X is a sin", no issues. I may judge you for it privately but I will interact with you as always. However, if you say something like " those that follow red deity should be burnt at the stake" it will impact our IRL friendship.


blueberry.muffin

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #28 on: May 21, 2013, 08:37:56 PM »
For what it's worth, I've discovered that political views are often shaped by the people around us. Some views that can be considered "extreme" by one group are considered "normal" by another. I would warn against judging someone principally by their political views, because there is so much that goes into those views, such as how they were raised, what their church/synagogue/place of worship preaches, etc.

A great friend of mine has very different views than me on several political subjects, views that have blown my mind by how "hateful" I see them. I also hold views that he finds extremely surprising. Because of the great respect we have for one another, we've discussed these subjects at length in efforts to understand why the other thinks the way they do. These discussions don't necessarily change how we feel about our own views, but they do help us understand how the other thinks. Oftentimes it has nothing to do with "hate" or "extremism."

You don't seem particularly close to this person, OP, so I wouldn't suggest engaging in these sort of conversations. I would bear in mind, however, that political views are not necessarily fully reflective of who a person truly is.


nayberry

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #29 on: May 22, 2013, 06:25:05 PM »
i have a number of "only fb friends as we play the same games" friends, who are random around the world people,  i have defriended a number of them, one just a few minutes ago, for racist postings.

the person this evening posted a nasty comment about the sad incident that happened in Woolwich, London. 
they said that purple people should "get the hell back where they came from", now having grown up in the UK, we are a melting pot, the "bad people" are most likely british by birth so they are where they come from.

bah!!  i don't care if you are red green or believe that unicorns poop leprechauns, racism gets you blocked and ignored!

bg/i am a child of two opposing religions, the guilt is terrible but we cater fantastically ;)     
luckily i haven't got any nutty family (well thats a lie but they aren't on fb) and the mix that we are means if you were racist one/many would be on your back about it and you'd apologise and never think that way again.