General Etiquette > Techno-quette

When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.

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--- Quote from: EllenS on June 26, 2013, 01:48:08 PM ---
--- Quote from: LadyL on May 19, 2013, 01:11:43 PM ---One of my in-laws is my friend on facebook.  In person she is always really warm and kind to me. ...
She has never brought up these views during our in person interactions, ...
she definitely knows that my career is in the sciences. ..

I don't see her often enough for this to be a big deal. ..
... the person who apparently thinks my career is bunk, I'm going to hell, and I'm an idiot because of who I voted for.

...I feel bad that she will notice my keeping my distance and think I'm snubbing her for no clear reason.
... she's made it pretty clear what she thinks of People Like Me...

--- End quote ---

OP, your situation seems to indicate that your relative knows something about your life and career, treats you nicely and is warm and kind to you. If you are facebook friends, surely she can see enough of your postings to infer a good deal about your politics and community invovement? 
You are upset and uncomfortable over what you *think* she *might* think about you. 
You did not say anything about racism, bigotry, or the advocation of violence or anti-social behavior.
I would advise you to keep blocking the posts that upset you, and treat her the way she treats you. 
If you want to promote a closer relationship with a relative who has proven herself to be warm, kind, and tactful in her treatment of you, you could bring up the fact that her posts are off-putting, and did she really mean it?  Or not, but it seems odd to me to judge her and withdraw from her over her (wierd to you but apparently harmless) opinions, when you are afraid her her doing the same to you.

--- End quote ---

She is blocked from seeing my feed.

My feeling is that I have been lucky to avoid conversation land mines thus far, but it's only due to luck. The subjects we could talk about without substantial disagreement mostly fall under "fluff." I don't know how she would act in person if I said something that went against her beliefs, but given the veracity of her FB postings, I am not eager to find out. Maybe she would warmly laugh off our differences, maybe she'd view me differently forever. I'm more interested in avoiding a blow up than facilitating the relationship (I see her maybe a few times a year).

I don't find her views morally abhorrent (i.e. supporting violence) or cut direct worthy but I do find them deeply personally offensive.

We need to keep this discussion politic free, please. I really actually hate locking threads.

It sounds like your relationship has already been negatively affected.  Of course, you are under no obligation to pretend you feel well-disposed to her, other than normal civility at family functions.  From what little you have described of her past behavior, she does not sound like a prime candidate for a blow-up.

I guess you just need to decide, if she does notice and comment upon your changed attitude to her/avoidance of her, how much honesty will your relationship support?  If you don't want to talk to her about it at all, you can always beandip.

Really, there is no way to avoid/snub someone, or tell them "I am deeply personally offended by your stated views" without hurting their feelings at least a little.  So, if you don't think you can talk through that with her and get past it, maybe beandip is the best way to go. 


This is happening with a friend of mine too. I'm being mocked for my activisim to help a certain young man currently in The States awaiting sentencing. She is not blocked from my feeds, but for now I'm ignoring everything she posts...

You block her from your newsfeed, you block her posts from showing up on your feed because of how vastly her views differ from yours, even then, you go out of the way to view her page where she posts these things out of sheer curiosity even though you KNOW you will not like what she has to say, and then get mad because of what you read.

Since this is not an issue when you are together in person and it seems like you enjoy each others company, I really don't understand why you're getting so upset, when you are the one looking for trouble by reading the posts that you blocked in the first place.

You worry about her viewing you differently because of your views even though she has done nothing that warrants your suspicions. But you seem to be doing the exact thing to her that you worry about her doing to you.


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