Author Topic: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.  (Read 9629 times)

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LadyL

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #45 on: June 26, 2013, 03:24:08 PM »
One of my in-laws is my friend on facebook.  In person she is always really warm and kind to me. ...
She has never brought up these views during our in person interactions, ...
she definitely knows that my career is in the sciences. ..

I don't see her often enough for this to be a big deal. ..
VS:
... the person who apparently thinks my career is bunk, I'm going to hell, and I'm an idiot because of who I voted for.

...I feel bad that she will notice my keeping my distance and think I'm snubbing her for no clear reason.
... she's made it pretty clear what she thinks of People Like Me...



OP, your situation seems to indicate that your relative knows something about your life and career, treats you nicely and is warm and kind to you. If you are facebook friends, surely she can see enough of your postings to infer a good deal about your politics and community invovement? 
You are upset and uncomfortable over what you *think* she *might* think about you. 
You did not say anything about racism, bigotry, or the advocation of violence or anti-social behavior.
I would advise you to keep blocking the posts that upset you, and treat her the way she treats you. 
If you want to promote a closer relationship with a relative who has proven herself to be warm, kind, and tactful in her treatment of you, you could bring up the fact that her posts are off-putting, and did she really mean it?  Or not, but it seems odd to me to judge her and withdraw from her over her (wierd to you but apparently harmless) opinions, when you are afraid her her doing the same to you.

She is blocked from seeing my feed.

My feeling is that I have been lucky to avoid conversation land mines thus far, but it's only due to luck. The subjects we could talk about without substantial disagreement mostly fall under "fluff." I don't know how she would act in person if I said something that went against her beliefs, but given the veracity of her FB postings, I am not eager to find out. Maybe she would warmly laugh off our differences, maybe she'd view me differently forever. I'm more interested in avoiding a blow up than facilitating the relationship (I see her maybe a few times a year).

I don't find her views morally abhorrent (i.e. supporting violence) or cut direct worthy but I do find them deeply personally offensive.

Ticia

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #46 on: June 26, 2013, 03:55:06 PM »
We need to keep this discussion politic free, please. I really actually hate locking threads.
Utah

EllenS

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #47 on: June 26, 2013, 04:27:49 PM »
It sounds like your relationship has already been negatively affected.  Of course, you are under no obligation to pretend you feel well-disposed to her, other than normal civility at family functions.  From what little you have described of her past behavior, she does not sound like a prime candidate for a blow-up.

I guess you just need to decide, if she does notice and comment upon your changed attitude to her/avoidance of her, how much honesty will your relationship support?  If you don't want to talk to her about it at all, you can always beandip.

Really, there is no way to avoid/snub someone, or tell them "I am deeply personally offended by your stated views" without hurting their feelings at least a little.  So, if you don't think you can talk through that with her and get past it, maybe beandip is the best way to go. 

JonGirl

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #48 on: August 04, 2013, 01:37:02 AM »


This is happening with a friend of mine too. I'm being mocked for my activisim to help a certain young man currently in The States awaiting sentencing. She is not blocked from my feeds, but for now I'm ignoring everything she posts...
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AffirmedHope

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #49 on: August 06, 2013, 02:12:22 PM »
You block her from your newsfeed, you block her posts from showing up on your feed because of how vastly her views differ from yours, even then, you go out of the way to view her page where she posts these things out of sheer curiosity even though you KNOW you will not like what she has to say, and then get mad because of what you read.

Since this is not an issue when you are together in person and it seems like you enjoy each others company, I really don't understand why you're getting so upset, when you are the one looking for trouble by reading the posts that you blocked in the first place.

You worry about her viewing you differently because of your views even though she has done nothing that warrants your suspicions. But you seem to be doing the exact thing to her that you worry about her doing to you.

Goosey

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #50 on: August 06, 2013, 03:41:56 PM »
I don't think the OP's worries are unmerited.

If you find out someone has insulted your carrier, your religion, and your political views in some very volatile ways, I think you're perfectly justified in cooling the relationship.

There's nothing paranoid about assuming that if someone thinks that negatively about things that make up part of your life, they're not someone you want to get emotionally entangled with.

AffirmedHope

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #51 on: August 06, 2013, 05:02:52 PM »
I don't think the OP's worries are unmerited.

If you find out someone has insulted your carrier, your religion, and your political views in some very volatile ways, I think you're perfectly justified in cooling the relationship.

There's nothing paranoid about assuming that if someone thinks that negatively about things that make up part of your life, they're not someone you want to get emotionally entangled with.

If it's a person that you just met, then yes I agree with you. But the OP has known this person and their views for quite sometime. she even went through the trouble of blocking her from the newsfeed so she wouldn't see her ranting. But the OP then went onto this person page, even after blocking her, to read the posts that she knew we're insulting. Why is this also a sudden a problem NOW? Did this person actually so something in real life that the OP is now looking for justification to cut ties with her?

LadyL

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #52 on: August 06, 2013, 05:06:17 PM »
I don't think the OP's worries are unmerited.

If you find out someone has insulted your carrier, your religion, and your political views in some very volatile ways, I think you're perfectly justified in cooling the relationship.

There's nothing paranoid about assuming that if someone thinks that negatively about things that make up part of your life, they're not someone you want to get emotionally entangled with.

If it's a person that you just met, then yes I agree with you. But the OP has known this person and their views for quite sometime. she even went through the trouble of blocking her from the newsfeed so she wouldn't see her ranting. But the OP then went onto this person page, even after blocking her, to read the posts that she knew we're insulting. Why is this also a sudden a problem NOW? Did this person actually so something in real life that the OP is now looking for justification to cut ties with her?

I originally blocked her preemptively because I block all my in-laws from viewing my page. I knew there were some political differences and such that I just didn't want to get into (I didn't want to provoke a conflict by posting something that would cause disagreement). I didn't realize that my most sensational post didn't hold a candle to the stuff she posts regularly till I started checking in on her page periodically.

TootsNYC

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #53 on: August 06, 2013, 11:29:24 PM »
I was reading an interesting blog post yesterday which posited that the Internet acts as a giant echo chamber for opinions.  Since we can each pick out the friends and communities we interact with, we tend to choose to spend more online time with people who tell us our views are awesome and less time with people who make us feel defensive or stupid.  When we share our own views, we're much more likely to get feedback from the people who agree with us than the people who don't - and the ones who don't agree and who post about it tend to get jumped on by the ones who do.

Then, because most of the opinions we see online are as strong or stronger than our own, we mistakenly generalize that EVERYONE shares our opinions - whether or not that's true.  When we do run into examples of people who disagree with us, we're more likely to dismiss them as "other" - they're not our race, not our gender, not our background, not our socioeconomic status, not our religion, etc., so how could they possibly know the right way to think?

Add to that the idea that people whose views are nuanced tend not to post about them because it's just too complicated. And they don't want to get into some exchange w/ someone who's polarized. See those opinions are simply not available to see.

Goosey

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #54 on: August 07, 2013, 08:19:33 AM »
I don't think the OP's worries are unmerited.

If you find out someone has insulted your carrier, your religion, and your political views in some very volatile ways, I think you're perfectly justified in cooling the relationship.

There's nothing paranoid about assuming that if someone thinks that negatively about things that make up part of your life, they're not someone you want to get emotionally entangled with.

If it's a person that you just met, then yes I agree with you. But the OP has known this person and their views for quite sometime. she even went through the trouble of blocking her from the newsfeed so she wouldn't see her ranting. But the OP then went onto this person page, even after blocking her, to read the posts that she knew we're insulting. Why is this also a sudden a problem NOW? Did this person actually so something in real life that the OP is now looking for justification to cut ties with her?

I don't think she needs justification to put distance between herself and someone who has a strong dislike for basically everything the OP likes and represents. She doesn't need to justify it - this woman's basic beliefs make her uncomfortable. The OP is not required to turn a blind eye if she doesn't want to.

Truthfully, there are some things that I CANNOT turn a blind eye to. And that's for me, personally, to decide. You're talking about the OP making trouble or something when I don't think that's the case.

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #55 on: August 07, 2013, 10:06:06 AM »
I don't think the OP's worries are unmerited.

If you find out someone has insulted your carrier, your religion, and your political views in some very volatile ways, I think you're perfectly justified in cooling the relationship.

There's nothing paranoid about assuming that if someone thinks that negatively about things that make up part of your life, they're not someone you want to get emotionally entangled with.

If it's a person that you just met, then yes I agree with you. But the OP has known this person and their views for quite sometime. she even went through the trouble of blocking her from the newsfeed so she wouldn't see her ranting. But the OP then went onto this person page, even after blocking her, to read the posts that she knew we're insulting. Why is this also a sudden a problem NOW? Did this person actually so something in real life that the OP is now looking for justification to cut ties with her?

The internet is no less "real life" than a face to face conversation.  One still is accountable for their speech in an online format.
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Allyson

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Re: When someone reveals offensive views via facebook.
« Reply #56 on: August 24, 2013, 11:48:07 AM »
Especially if we're talking about, oh, say, bigoted views, I think it's pretty understandable that seeing that kind of thing, even if it's 'only online' will change someone's opinion. Yeah, one has the right to post what they want to Facebook, but if someone is posting things they know to be controversial, well, they can't get upset if it changes someone's opinion of them.

I've an old coworker who I always liked, and he posted something awhile back really nastily blaming sexual assault victims. Had it been a different way of phrasing it, I wouldn't have thought much of it, but now it's hard for me to see him in exactly the same way. It's not that I can't handle people with different views. I think most people have *some* view that they would see as extreme enough it would change the way they saw the person. It just might be a different line for different people.