Author Topic: not counted as contact?  (Read 6788 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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not counted as contact?
« on: May 20, 2013, 08:10:16 AM »
Hey everyone I was wondering your input. On Saturday before mother's day my daughter (5) and I made a email card..ie we found the picture, typed the words and said it was from the family and emailed it off to my mom.

Well she called me after mother's day to inquire what I did then said I didn't contact her.  I told her we sent and email card..well I guess that wasn't good enough. She says she didn't count that as contact and she didn't count that as card or call. And my Bro called and they were going to hang out but she was busy and ran out of time. Well I told her sorry she didn't consider it contact but we made the card with her in mind and we went on to other topics. But that seemed to be the main point of the conversation :/ So ladies is it not counted as contact?

oogyda

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2013, 08:16:15 AM »

:/ So ladies is it not counted as contact?


Whether we think it's contact or not doesn't matter.  The fact that she doesn't think it's contact is important. 

The prevailing theory is to be grateful for whatever "gift" one might receive, say "Thank you" and get over it.  I have to admit I'd be disappointed at an e-card being the only *contact* for Mother's Day.  Every family is different, but a quick phone call is the norm for us.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

Harriet Jones

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2013, 08:21:48 AM »
While I would count it as contact, I'm not a fan of e-cards, since they still pop up as phishing scams sometimes.  I'd rather have a personal email.

ETA: And what the PP said - your mom doesn't feel it is, so it isn't, *for her*.
« Last Edit: May 20, 2013, 08:23:48 AM by Harriet Jones »

Zilla

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2013, 08:35:20 AM »
The point is moot askng others as they aren't your mom.  She thinks it isn't and no number of internet strangers will convince her otherwise.  Now was it rude to do the ecard? Not at all.  But to send another after she told you, a tad.

Would you be alright with an ecard for your birthday from her out of curiosity?

Promise

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2013, 10:01:35 AM »
Technically it is contact, but honestly, as a mom, I would be hurt. It is called MOTHER'S DAY! I don't know of one.single.mother who wouldn't want that phone call or visit over a card or even less thoughtful, an e-mail card. The message that is sent is this, "I don't care enough about you to go to a store, spend some of my money on a real card to send to you. I don't even think enough of you to take 15 minutes to have a phone call conversation with you. Instead, I'll do the least I can and create an e-mail card and pretend that I cared." While this may sound harsh, it's how it will be taken. While you may not like the holiday, it is still a part of our culture and culturally we are 'obligated' to reach out to our mothers. You don't have to. But if you don't, you get pushback, as you have experienced. Look, it's time to not be selfish and just do what you know the other person would really like on a day like this. They want a personal contact.

Shoo

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2013, 10:02:38 AM »
I think what your mom may be objecting to is the absolute minimal effort sending an ecard requires.  You don't even have to leave your house.  You don't even have to take your own picture.  You just fill in some blanks and hit the send button.  As a mother, I'd definitely rather receive a phone call than an ecard any day.

learningtofly

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2013, 10:10:55 AM »
I've been there.  You know Mother's Day is coming, but it's one of those weeks where you haven't been near a grocery store so you haven't been near a car let alone a mailbox.  So instead of a handwritten card you have a grandchild make up something on the computer.  In my opinion this is even harder to do with small children and short attention spans.  At least time was spent producing something for Grandma and time was spent thinking about her on this special day.  I think it counts as contact, but I'm not sure my Mom would like it either.

This year we made her a present and since she's coming to visit in a few weeks she's getting it then.  It's hard to know with a different generation where the line is.  Do you do something on time that they don't like, or send a paper card but it arrives late?  You tried.  Next time they'll get cards in the mail at some point I guess.

Margo

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2013, 10:14:19 AM »
Yes, it's contact, but I can understand where your Mom was coming from. An e-card feels much less personal - you can't display it the way you can a real card, you don't get the interaction and personal contact you do with a phone call or visit, so you end up with the worst of both worlds, as it were. Also, they  can come across as very generic and impersonal.

 It sounds as though you were able to make the point that you had made the card with her in mind.

It sounds as though your Mom was a bit rude in how she let you know she was disappointed, but I can understand why she felt that way, and now that you know, I think it would be nice if you were to  get a physical card and mail it, or to phone her, for future events. (even if this means designing it, or helping your daughter to design it, on the computer, and then printing it off for her to send!)

I think if you plan to send something only electronically, a personal e-mail is often better than an e-mail, as it is more obviously personal.

m2kbug

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #8 on: May 20, 2013, 10:20:08 AM »
Considering the generation, I would not expect email to be counted as contact.  I have a hard time myself considering email or e-card as contact.  It feels less personal.  Voices and face-to-face or a snail mail card is counted as contact.  Our kids' generation might see this differently, and you, but consider your intended recipient on this.  You did send an e-card and thought of mom, so yes, it is contact, but perhaps not the best route.  I'm thinking you should have called.  Your mom could have called you too, to wish you a happy Mother's Day. 
 

jaxsue

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2013, 10:22:03 AM »
I've been there.  You know Mother's Day is coming, but it's one of those weeks where you haven't been near a grocery store so you haven't been near a car let alone a mailbox. So instead of a handwritten card you have a grandchild make up something on the computer.  In my opinion this is even harder to do with small children and short attention spans.  At least time was spent producing something for Grandma and time was spent thinking about her on this special day.  I think it counts as contact, but I'm not sure my Mom would like it either.

This year we made her a present and since she's coming to visit in a few weeks she's getting it then.  It's hard to know with a different generation where the line is.  Do you do something on time that they don't like, or send a paper card but it arrives late?  You tried.  Next time they'll get cards in the mail at some point I guess.

Per the bolded: I understand what you're saying, but I kind of see the mom's point. I like a phone call at least near Mother's Day.

I didn't have a real MD card to send my mom this year. I'm still recovering from a badly-broken ankle and getting out isn't easy. What I did was take generic stationary and wrote my mom a nice letter. I don't have to walk or drive it to the post office - all I have to do is put it in my mailbox and put up the flag. The mail carrier picks it up. I realize not everyone has this option, but I think most in the US do.

General comment: something I've done to be ready for these "oops, I almost forgot!" events: buying cards ahead of time. I have a stash of cards for several occasions. And when it comes to kids, how about having them draw a picture? Those are things parents treasure.

I think that, outside of things that truly make it impossible, it is nice to call your parents on MD/FD. You don't have to leave home to do it. While I appreciate e-cards, they just don't seem as personal as other forms of communication.

Cami

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2013, 10:27:19 AM »
I would be very disappointed if all I heard from my daughter and granddaughter on Mother's Day was an e-card. It's just so bare minimum and cursory that it would give me the feeling that I didn't rate highly enough to even get a phone call or a "real" card. And I can tell you that my mother and grandmother would have been deeply hurt as neither would have considered an e-card to be a "real" card -- plus they both liked to display and keep their cards.

jaxsue

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2013, 10:30:33 AM »
I would be very disappointed if all I heard from my daughter and granddaughter on Mother's Day was an e-card. It's just so bare minimum and cursory that it would give me the feeling that I didn't rate highly enough to even get a phone call or a "real" card. And I can tell you that my mother and grandmother would have been deeply hurt as neither would have considered an e-card to be a "real" card -- plus they both liked to display and keep their cards.

I have kept every card my boys have given me. I treasure them!

lowspark

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2013, 10:31:23 AM »
To be honest, if all I got from my kids was an ecard, I'd be pretty disappointed. When they were away at school, they always called on Mother's Day. It was just a quick call, a greeting and some minimal conversation (since they were entrenched in studying for finals) and that's it. It's just nice to know they were thinking about me that day.

An ecard in addition to this would be nice but not something that would mean a whole lot to me. A physical card, again, nice, but not required. I'm all about personal contact so getting together with my kids if they are in the same city, or a phone call if they're not, is what I consider to be meaningful on those special occasions.

Donovan

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2013, 10:34:01 AM »
I don't even open email cards anymore, I've had bad luck with them infecting my computer. 

thedudeabides

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Re: not counted as contact?
« Reply #14 on: May 20, 2013, 10:50:37 AM »
I'm no lady, but if you normally talk to your mom often for regular things, then I think an e-card was a cop-out - at least pick up the phone.