Bat Mitzvah Thank You Notes.

[Thipu1]

This isn't my family but I think it's an interesting question.

In Sunday's NY Times there was a letter about the above.  A girl recently had a Bat Mitzvah and received many lovely gifts.  Her mother thinks she should hand-write the TY notes but the girl has a mild developmental problem and writing is agonizingly slow for her. Her handwriting is also almost indecipherable. 

The columnist suggested that, under the circumstances, it would be perfectly fine for the girl to type and then hand-sign them with something like, 'Love, Ginny'.  He also said, that since she had such trouble writing, making her plod through all the TY notes could put her off sending them for life.

I tend to agree. 

What do the good folks here think?

 

[Margo]

I agree.

I think she should be encouraged to write a personalised note to each giver, not simply produce a fill-in-the-gaps letter she uses for everyone (which almost always shows!) but I think typing and hand-signing a letter is fine.

(I assume that people who know her well enough to send gifts are likely to know about her developmental delay but if not, or if there are specific family members who the parents know are likely to query the note not being handwritten I don't think it would be out of order for the parents to add in their own letter, updating on family news generally, and letting people know why the letter is typed ("Ginny's dyslexia makes writing almost impossible for her, but fortunately she has learned to type so she is able write letters, and manage her school work herself, now" (or whatever is appropriate)

[camlan]

I think the important thing is that thanks are given/sent to the givers. Typed or handwritten--these days it really shouldn't matter so much. Yes, handwritten notes are lovely and handcrafted, but in a time when some schools aren't even teaching handwriting any more, not totally necessary.

I'm to the point where I don't care how the thanks are offered--a phone call is fine for me, so is an email. I do draw the line at a Thank You text, however.

Even though some people might not like the idea of a typed thank you note, I think it is better for this girl to type her notes so that people can read them and also receive them in a reasonable amount of time. Better a typed note than none at all, or not for six months.

[Tea Drinker]

I have a friend for whom hand-writing anything is not merely slow but literally painful. He complained a bit as a child, and was ignored, and was then in his mid-twenties before he talked about it again and discovered that hand-writing a short note or addressing an envelope was literally painful. I would never ask him to hand-write anything.

If these people care enough about the bar mitzvah girl to attend the bar mitzvah and give her presents, they don't want to torture her and, as someone already said, will already be aware that hand-writing things is difficult of not actually painful for this particular girl.

A short but personal typed note, signed, seems entirely appropriate. Most of the recipients probably type far more than they hand-write, including their own correspondence.

[TootsNYC]

I think that when it's not handwritten, it's best to make the WORDING of the note a bit more personal to make up for it.

And I think you  need to choose wording that doesn't come across as though it was a cut-and-paste.

And I also think that all these people know her, and the might very well have an idea of her difficulties.

And I think that the simply act of sending any sort of thank-you at all will be very well received.

[SPuck]

I have motor skill issues myself so any attempt to write down anything hand written of length doesn't work because; my hand gets tired to quickly, attempts to write anything of length just results in smudges and bad hand writing, trying to write good actually causes my hand to hurt.

If you are in a situation like that individual written e-mails are probably the best route actually. The problem with typing then printing is that there is still the temptation to homogenize all the letters because there will still be some handwriting involved (envelopes and signing) then there is having to deal with the printer.

[sammycat]

I think the important thing is that thanks are given/sent to the givers. Typed or handwritten--these days it really shouldn't matter so much. Yes, handwritten notes are lovely and handcrafted, but in a time when some schools aren't even teaching handwriting any more, not totally necessary.

I'm to the point where I don't care how the thanks are offered--a phone call is fine for me, so is an email. I do draw the line at a Thank You text, however.

Even though some people might not like the idea of a typed thank you note, I think it is better for this girl to type her notes so that people can read them and also receive them in a reasonable amount of time. Better a typed note than none at all, or not for six months.

My thoughts exactly.

So long as I get a thank you, I don't really care what form it comes in.

However, I don't consider the generic 'thank you for your present' placecards that I've seen at some weddings as a thank you, at all.

[*inviteseller]

If someone has difficulty with writing due to a disability, IMO it is cruel to expect them to hand write them all out.  It will frustrate the poor girl, and no one will be able to read them due to her handwriting.  As long as each letter is typed up individually instead of those tacky form thank yous. I think that is fine and will save the girl a lot of grief.

[kherbert05]

I have great difficulty handwriting, a combination of dysgraphia and problems with fine motor skills due my skin problems, so I'm bias. I think it is fine for the young lady to type her thank you notes, then sign them.

I always thought the problem with typed notes was that they were not personalized. The assumption was that typing was a specialized skill that secretaries had and that if a note was typed it had come through the secretary and wasn't personal.

[katycoo]

I overwhelmingly do not care whether any TY note I receive is handwritten or not, as long as its personalised to me, and not just the same generic line given to everyone.

[TootsNYC]

I have motor skill issues myself so any attempt to write down anything hand written of length doesn't work because; my hand gets tired to quickly, attempts to write anything of length just results in smudges and bad hand writing, trying to write good actually causes my hand to hurt.

If you are in a situation like that individual written e-mails are probably the best route actually. The problem with typing then printing is that there is still the temptation to homogenize all the letters because there will still be some handwriting involved (envelopes and signing) then there is having to deal with the printer.

I'm generally pretty forgiving, but I know that other people would not appreciate getting an email.

And it don't know why printing woud make the tiniest bit of difference in terms of whether you homogenize all the letters or not.

kherbert05, I wonder if that's why typed used to be considered bad. Or if it was just that "typed" indicated "business," whether you typed it yourself or not. And remember that few people owned a typewriter--when I was a kid (40+ years ago), my mom was a bit unusual because she would type things, and owned a typewriter. They were expensive, and the less-expensive manuals were hard to use.

[SPuck]

And it don't know why printing woud make the tiniest bit of difference in terms of whether you homogenize all the letters or not.

It depends on the severity of your inability to write. I can barely fill out four pages of information (like at a doctor's office) without the lettering looking like it is in another language or my hand getting a cramp when I try to write well. If you have to print out fifty thank you letters you still have to sign them and fill out the envelopes. Depending on the amount of stuff you have to send it can still be daunting. To me the content is more important than how it is sent. If I can get an individualized e-mail, versus a letter that has been repeated over 25 times before with just name changes, I'd rather get the e-mail.

[Allyson]

It seems highly unnecessary to make her handwrite them--typing will get the same sentiment without causing her pain and frustration, which is not an emotion that one wants her to associate with lovingly selected gifts, presumably. I don't see why typed would be bad in any case, personally, and hope that this is one social more that keeps going in the direction it is--with typed being just as acceptable as handwritten.

[Pen^2]

Having her hand write them painstakingly for hours is ridiculous. It's unnecessary, and as the columnist suggested, could very well put her off sending thank-you notes for a long time. And if the notes will be indecipherable anyway, it's putting a little girl through a lot of unpleasantness for no good reason at all. Absolutely pointless.

I have shocking handwriting, and even my best quickly becomes chicken scratch after a few letters. It's always been terrible. Because I care about the people I'm sending notes to, I type them so they actually have a chance at reading and enjoying what I've written. I'll generally sign my name at the bottom in pen, but the rest will be composed by me on the computer and printed off. There's nothing rude in that. I don't see why a little girl who has difficulties writing and a much stronger reason than I to not hand write things should be forced to do otherwise.

[TootsNYC]

And it don't know why printing woud make the tiniest bit of difference in terms of whether you homogenize all the letters or not.

It depends on the severity of your inability to write. I can barely fill out four pages of information (like at a doctor's office) without the lettering looking like it is in another language or my hand getting a cramp when I try to write well. If you have to print out fifty thank you letters you still have to sign them and fill out the envelopes. Depending on the amount of stuff you have to send it can still be daunting. To me the content is more important than how it is sent. If I can get an individualized e-mail, versus a letter that has been repeated over 25 times before with just name changes, I'd rather get the e-mail.

But the BODY OF an email and a printed out letter are completely typed exactly the same way. In a word-processing program. It's just that the email program's word-processing function is part of the email program.

The ONLY difference is in the addressing of the envelopes, and that has nothing to do with the substance of what you say in the letter.

And you do not *have* to type all the letters on the same day that you address the envelopes (and you can get someone else to help address the envelopes). In fact, few people do. You can type out all the letters and print them, and then on some OTHER day, sign them and address the envelopes. By computer, or by hand.

So I don't get why you'd be more tempted to use the same wording for a letter you're typing than you would for an email you're typing.

Oh, I suppose once you send the email, it vanishes and it's more annoying to get back to use it as the template for the next letter. And you'd have to remember exactly what you said. But by letter number 3, you probably would.

But you can always start your letters from scratch no matter what.