Author Topic: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?  (Read 21070 times)

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Surianne

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #135 on: May 24, 2013, 05:58:43 PM »
I think that for me, it's that the father going in to chastise a manager for his daughter would make me (if I were her supervisor) take her much less seriously in the long run.  It would be hard to think of her as an adult (which she is) rather than a child (which is how she would come across with her father's "Come to deity" talk).  Similarly, even if there really is favouritism, speaking about that to a manager just comes across as whinging, even if she's right.

And so because of that, it behooves her to be very strict in how she handles requests for time off.  Follow the specific procedures your store has in place.  If you're denied time off but should have been granted it per your contract or the law, go up the chain to corporate management.  Handle everything as professionally as possible.   Don't compare yourself to other people.  Compare yourself to company policies.

The idea upthread about booking your medical appointments on a certain day each time (e.g. Thursday) is a good one.  It will help your managers see you as professional and predictable, rather than asking for arbitrary days off.  Anything you can do to make their scheduling work easier is a good thing.

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #136 on: May 24, 2013, 06:29:37 PM »
The OP did say her appointments have to be approved by insurance, and I know for my DD with her specialists, they schedule them, not me.  Specialist appointments can be tough to schedule when you want because of all the hoops insurance makes you go through  (referrals, pre tests ect)
AngelicGamer, I phrased that wrong...so sorry.  I just meant she is trying to do something every day other than sitting home because of her condition.  My DD's both have disabilities and they are go go go while another relative uses his as a crutch to get handouts when he could be doing something..should watch my phrasing  :-X

Surianne

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #137 on: May 24, 2013, 06:31:44 PM »
The OP did say her appointments have to be approved by insurance, and I know for my DD with her specialists, they schedule them, not me.  Specialist appointments can be tough to schedule when you want because of all the hoops insurance makes you go through  (referrals, pre tests ect)

Ah, okay.  I'm not American so I probably don't understand how it works.  Normally I can request a specific day or time of day (and in fact that's more convenient for my doctors if it's a recurring appointment) unless it's something very specialized/urgent. 

blueberry.muffin

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #138 on: May 24, 2013, 07:19:37 PM »
My dad ended up going to the store manager and having a "come to diety" meeting after I had a migrain the ER doc said could of killed me. (I had asked to go home and the manager's crony brushed me off and told me to take a pill). That ended up with some changes, but not much.

Yeah. The quote above (from the opening post), and the quote below...

And to those still on the "daddy" thing. I was recovering from the Migrain AND was on morphine when this happened. I did not tell him to talk to the boss, I didn't even know he had done it until the next day.

... are extremely different. Did you want your father to go in? You seem to be happy with the changes. If you didn't, then perhaps it's time for you to have a discussion with your father.

And I'm honestly surprised, OP, that you're being defensive against posters concerned about the "daddy" thing. In my current job (I'm a medical student, so I make nothing and am on the bottom of the totem pole, for what it's worth) having my father come in would be an absolute nightmare. Word would spread that I was the student who couldn't handle her own patients, and other doctors would shy away from training me, etc.

My point is, if the OP wants to be respected then she has to be deserving of it. Respect is earned, not given. I'm not saying that her manager has acted brilliantly thus far, but if the OP keeps asking for time off without medical documentation and has her father go in for her, then she's going to lose any respect she's thus earned. Migraines stink, but illnesses happen and it is your responsibility to manage them professionally.

I also continue to maintain that the backstory to the OP matters, beyond just this job. There seems to be a pattern of the OP having somewhat unrealistic expectations. I'm actually happy to learn that you're 23, OP, because you still have so many opportunities ahead of you. I hope that you read the posts of the posters who have been giving you advice, even if we're being a bit harsh, because I think this is something you should consider.


Piratelvr1121

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #139 on: May 24, 2013, 08:14:48 PM »
My dad ended up going to the store manager and having a "come to diety" meeting after I had a migrain the ER doc said could of killed me. (I had asked to go home and the manager's crony brushed me off and told me to take a pill). That ended up with some changes, but not much.

Yeah. The quote above (from the opening post), and the quote below...

And to those still on the "daddy" thing. I was recovering from the Migrain AND was on morphine when this happened. I did not tell him to talk to the boss, I didn't even know he had done it until the next day.

... are extremely different. Did you want your father to go in? You seem to be happy with the changes. If you didn't, then perhaps it's time for you to have a discussion with your father.


They don't strike me as being all that different.  The first mention of it she's coming across to me as stating it in a matter of fact way, saying that it's what happened. I'm not getting any indication that she was encouraging him to go.  Just that he went, it did end up in some changes, but not a lot and I guess I'm just not seeing where she's happy about her father going in.
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missmolly

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #140 on: May 24, 2013, 08:51:55 PM »
My dad ended up going to the store manager and having a "come to diety" meeting after I had a migrain the ER doc said could of killed me. (I had asked to go home and the manager's crony brushed me off and told me to take a pill). That ended up with some changes, but not much.

Yeah. The quote above (from the opening post), and the quote below...

And to those still on the "daddy" thing. I was recovering from the Migrain AND was on morphine when this happened. I did not tell him to talk to the boss, I didn't even know he had done it until the next day.

... are extremely different. Did you want your father to go in? You seem to be happy with the changes. If you didn't, then perhaps it's time for you to have a discussion with your father.


They don't strike me as being all that different.  The first mention of it she's coming across to me as stating it in a matter of fact way, saying that it's what happened. I'm not getting any indication that she was encouraging him to go.  Just that he went, it did end up in some changes, but not a lot and I guess I'm just not seeing where she's happy about her father going in.

POD. The first post simply states that her father went to see he manager after a life-threatening migraine. It doesn't indicate that she encouraged him to do it.
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cass2591

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #141 on: May 24, 2013, 09:18:36 PM »
All: The dad issue is like beating a dead horse so move on. If anyone has constructive advice as to how to help the OP deal with the superiors, feel free.

OP: I have some reservations about this thread in that you don't seem very willing to at least pretend to take some perfectly reasonable advice other posters have offered. As for your complaint about HR taking hours for lunch, I suspect you don't have first hand knowledge as to what their daily schedule entails. As for blatant favoritism, have any of your coworkers, especially those who have seniority, spoken up?
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TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #142 on: May 24, 2013, 09:18:45 PM »
That was the ONLY time he has done that. I handle most of my own issues by myself, that was a time I could not.

I have a problem just physically talking at times. I was born with brain damage (scar tissue on the left occipital lobe) and was basically mute till  age 5. Alone with that, I have TMJD. At times it is hard for people to understand me.

About the "respect " thing. I have multiple coworkers, plus the other managers (the difficult one has authority over the others) who have given me good reviews and complemented my work ethic. Some of  the customers e en request me.
 
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TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #143 on: May 24, 2013, 09:20:51 PM »
All: The dad issue is like beating a dead horse so move on. If anyone has constructive advice as to how to help the OP deal with the superiors, feel free.

OP: I have some reservations about this thread in that you don't seem very willing to at least pretend to take some perfectly reasonable advice other posters have offered. As for your complaint about HR taking hours for lunch, I suspect you don't have first hand knowledge as to what their daily schedule entails. As for blatant favoritism, have any of your coworkers, especially those who have seniority, spoken up?

 I have called HR, but they have already started their holiday. Some people have spoken up, but they whet ignored.

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Hillia

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #144 on: May 24, 2013, 09:54:55 PM »
This may sound odd but I think you are actually in a somewhat better than many people faced with unpleasant work situations in that you do live with your parents - if you stand up for yourself and take the time you need for your medical appointments, and you do lose your job, at least you still have a place to live, etc.  Of course you want to work and progress towards being as self sufficient as possible, but you have the opportunity now to have a safety net while you practice your spine.  There have been a lot of good suggestions about documentation, how to present your time off to your supervisor, and what to do if you need to leave unexpectedly.  Your health takes priority; if you have a condition so severe that it can cause you permanent damage, you don't have to follow directions that will lead to that damage.  You face a lot of challenges in holding a job; learning to communicate and advocate for yourself appropriately is going to be a big part of how successful your work life will be.

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LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #145 on: May 24, 2013, 10:04:21 PM »
I think that for me, it's that the father going in to chastise a manager for his daughter would make me (if I were her supervisor) take her much less seriously in the long run.  It would be hard to think of her as an adult (which she is) rather than a child (which is how she would come across with her father's "Come to deity" talk).  Similarly, even if there really is favouritism, speaking about that to a manager just comes across as whinging, even if she's right.

And so because of that, it behooves her to be very strict in how she handles requests for time off.  Follow the specific procedures your store has in place.  If you're denied time off but should have been granted it per your contract or the law, go up the chain to corporate management.  Handle everything as professionally as possible.   Don't compare yourself to other people.  Compare yourself to company policies.

The idea upthread about booking your medical appointments on a certain day each time (e.g. Thursday) is a good one.  It will help your managers see you as professional and predictable, rather than asking for arbitrary days off.  Anything you can do to make their scheduling work easier is a good thing.

TexasRanger's health insurance comes from TriCare. Arranging her appointments to fall on a certain day is not possible.

kareng57

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #146 on: May 24, 2013, 11:48:40 PM »
This may sound odd but I think you are actually in a somewhat better than many people faced with unpleasant work situations in that you do live with your parents - if you stand up for yourself and take the time you need for your medical appointments, and you do lose your job, at least you still have a place to live, etc.  Of course you want to work and progress towards being as self sufficient as possible, but you have the opportunity now to have a safety net while you practice your spine.  There have been a lot of good suggestions about documentation, how to present your time off to your supervisor, and what to do if you need to leave unexpectedly.  Your health takes priority; if you have a condition so severe that it can cause you permanent damage, you don't have to follow directions that will lead to that damage.  You face a lot of challenges in holding a job; learning to communicate and advocate for yourself appropriately is going to be a big part of how successful your work life will be.


Yes - this.  OP, I understand your concerns, but there's the other side of the coin, too.  If you can't be there for your scheduled shifts - that's a major concern.  Heck, right now I'm unemployed and am volunteering in a charity thrift shop.  And even then - if two or more people phone us that they can't do their shift, it's a major big-deal.  We need a minimum number of people to even basically function.

blarg314

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #147 on: May 25, 2013, 12:49:50 AM »

The first thing to do is to be very clear what you *legal* rights are in this situation. What are your rights when it comes to claiming sick leave?    Is your employer required to provide "reasonable accommodation" for health issues or disabilities? Does this apply to your case? What sort of documentation do you need to get this, if applicable, and do you have it?  If you are scheduled for a shift, and don't show up due to a doctor's appointment, are they legally allowed to fire you?

This is very important, because it determines how you deal with your boss/HR. If you are asking for something that they are legally required to give you, you go in will full documentation, explaining what you need, in a polite, reasonable fashion, matter of factly.

If you are asking for something that they *aren't* legally required to give  you, then you're going in as a supplicant, and you need to have a strong a position as possible - definitely be polite, because you're asking them to do you a favour.  Have a plan for how you can balance things - a willingness to work unpopular shifts, last minute shift or double shifts to make up for time lost due to appointments, for example. Do your best to be clear about logistics - how often do you have doctor's appointments, how much notice do you get, is having to leave in the middle of a shift due to an emergency a regular or rare occurrence?

You want to project an impression of an eager, competent employee who is trying to do their job well, but needs some (minor) accommodation to do that. If you come across as demanding, annoyed, or entitled, it will be a lot less likely that they'll help you.

If they aren't required to accommodate your needs, and don't want to, then it's hard decision time.  You need to think seriously about what your options are if you can't manage to balance your job and your health. This is a possibility - part time and casual workers in low paying jobs tend not to share a lot of the legal protections accorded to other types of employees, and don't have the ability to tell their boss to shove it and stay employed, particularly in today's economy.

NyaChan

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #148 on: May 25, 2013, 12:57:28 AM »

The first thing to do is to be very clear what you *legal* rights are in this situation. What are your rights when it comes to claiming sick leave?    Is your employer required to provide "reasonable accommodation" for health issues or disabilities? Does this apply to your case? What sort of documentation do you need to get this, if applicable, and do you have it?  If you are scheduled for a shift, and don't show up due to a doctor's appointment, are they legally allowed to fire you?

This is very important, because it determines how you deal with your boss/HR. If you are asking for something that they are legally required to give you, you go in will full documentation, explaining what you need, in a polite, reasonable fashion, matter of factly.

If you are asking for something that they *aren't* legally required to give  you, then you're going in as a supplicant, and you need to have a strong a position as possible - definitely be polite, because you're asking them to do you a favour.  Have a plan for how you can balance things - a willingness to work unpopular shifts, last minute shift or double shifts to make up for time lost due to appointments, for example. Do your best to be clear about logistics - how often do you have doctor's appointments, how much notice do you get, is having to leave in the middle of a shift due to an emergency a regular or rare occurrence?

You want to project an impression of an eager, competent employee who is trying to do their job well, but needs some (minor) accommodation to do that. If you come across as demanding, annoyed, or entitled, it will be a lot less likely that they'll help you.

If they aren't required to accommodate your needs, and don't want to, then it's hard decision time.  You need to think seriously about what your options are if you can't manage to balance your job and your health. This is a possibility - part time and casual workers in low paying jobs tend not to share a lot of the legal protections accorded to other types of employees, and don't have the ability to tell their boss to shove it and stay employed, particularly in today's economy.

This is an excellent post.  Good work blarg!

delabela

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #149 on: May 25, 2013, 01:27:29 AM »
Have a plan for how you can balance things - a willingness to work unpopular shifts, last minute shift or double shifts to make up for time lost due to appointments, for example. Do your best to be clear about logistics - how often do you have doctor's appointments, how much notice do you get, is having to leave in the middle of a shift due to an emergency a regular or rare occurrence?

You want to project an impression of an eager, competent employee who is trying to do their job well, but needs some (minor) accommodation to do that. If you come across as demanding, annoyed, or entitled, it will be a lot less likely that they'll help you.


I think this is actually at the heart of how you need to approach this - it doesn't matter who is irritated by you asking for time off.  The important thing is you need the time off, and you are (I assume) willing to work with them to figure out how to make it work.

A couple points:

1. How long ahead do you when your appointments are scheduled?  As soon as you know, advise the person who does the scheduling, preferably in person and in writing - does your store use email or perhaps text?  If so, you can always send a confirmation email ("just wanted to confirm that we discussed today that I would not be available next Tuesday after 12:00").

2. If you need to discuss with the store manager and he is making it difficult to reach him, either be prepared to wait patiently in his office after your shift, or email. 

3. Have you looked at other solutions, such as trading shifts when you know you have an appointment scheduled (I apologized if you already addressed this and I missed it)?  If you can work it out with your co-workers, then that could be a good solution.

Your situation sounds extremely difficult, and I wish you the best.  It may help if you try to see the ways in which you can be proactive and make things work better.  Many people have issues that they have to work around with employment, of various severity.  In my experience, the more pre-planning that happens, the better.