Author Topic: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?  (Read 20852 times)

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TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2013, 07:32:50 PM »
Can you ask for a set day off in the week from your store manager, let's say Thursday and schedule all your appointments for that day?  That way you don't have to ask for it off and just go.  That's what several of my friends do that have chronic conditions.  And in the rare instance that they can't get a Thursday appointment they will of course ask it off, but that's more like once or twice a year rather once or twice a month.

I would love to be able to do that, but my insurance ant do that. I have TRICARE and have to wait for them to be approved. I am almost done with the tests. I was told to get the tests done by a geneticist who specializes in my disorder.
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jpcher

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2013, 07:41:09 PM »
Your father, your health insurance, and peers' time off are all irrelevant.  Please speak with someone above this manager or in Human Resources, and address only your need for time off and their policies.

Your everyday professional mannerisms will suit just fine.

Best wishes.

I agree with this post. Everything else is superfluous, and frankly if you were my employee and your father dared to attempt to have a come to deity meeting with me you wouldn't be an employee for much longer.

That's interesting that you say that.

If an employee tries to talk to you (yes, putting you, Curious Cat, in the first person due to the bold above) about serious health concerns and special needs, and you "through a hissy fit" the minute an employee tells you that she needs the day off due to medical reasons . . . are you seriously going to fire this person because her father came in to stick up for her?

That seems rather harsh, to me. Not being snarky, I'm just extremely curious as to your reasoning.

I can understand if the employee was a serious SS concerning laziness, not doing well at her job, asking for unwarranted time off (OP has Dr.'s notes) and simply cried to Daddy! Please save me! Yeah, that would be a no-go in my book, too.

But that doesn't sound like the OP's situation.

It sounds like OP is dealing with a nasty manager.

I agree that Daddy shouldn't have stepped in and OP should go through HR or upper management herself.



Yea, don't even bother talking to this manager until you've spoken with her higher-ups &/or HR. She doesn't need to know WHY you need the day off (beyond perhaps the words "doctor's appointments", they just need to give it to you. Explain the situation to HR, and if things don't improve, seek legal advice and a better job. The stress this idiot is causing you cannot possibly be doing your existing conditions any good.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

POD! 100%.

Kind of a trick question though, because I'd never treat my employees the way the OP says she has been treated. But yes, if an employees parent felt the need to come in and yell at me, I would no longer feel the need to employ their child.  Grow up, go up the chain of command but don't go crying to daddy over it.

Thanks, Curious Cat. Honest question asked, honest answer given.

I see your point.


*inviteseller

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #17 on: May 21, 2013, 07:57:30 PM »
I am going against the grain here and say, normally a helicopter parent is everyone worst nightmare, but the reason the father came in is because they put his child's health in jeopardy when dumb manager did not listen to OP's issue with a migraine (that she ended up in the ER with) and he probably just saw red...I know I would.  As long as dad isn't going in every time, I am willing to let this go.  He is a man who is watching his daughter go through serious health issues that are out of his hands to fix and as the parent of 2 special needs kids, I know how frustrating it is.  OP has been trying to handle this, but I think it is time to go way over dumb manager  head.  The fact that she ignores or denigrates your serious and documented medical issues makes her, in my book, not worth dealing with.  You will get no where and just get frustrated.  And, honestly, as much as you need this job, is it worth your health?  If you can't get any relief up the chain of command, it is time to look elsewhere.  And yes, I would say to most anybody else to grow up, but I don't think she went crying to daddy to take care of it and I think telling OP to grow up is kind of harsh.  Her dad went to bat for her once over a serious medical concern.  She, even with a medical condition is working instead of just sitting home.  Sher told in the OP how she is trying to deal with it herself and why her father did come in once.  I give her credit for not walking out and the store needs to wise up to how this manager treats employees..what if an employee had a seizure or diabetic issue?  Would she tell them to take a pill and get back to work? 

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #18 on: May 21, 2013, 11:30:03 PM »
I agree with inviteseller. This is a case where someone's life was in danger, and she wasn't able to get through to the someone who should have helped, this isn't a case of "I had a hangnail, and they didn't help me. Daddy, fix it." This is a case where a father saw his daughter's life in danger. And that's not really a case where I'd blame a parent for getting riled up and wanting to do something.


DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #19 on: May 21, 2013, 11:31:11 PM »
These aren't people you go see just for fun:

Quote
cardiologists, hematologist, neurologist, etc


Hillia

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #20 on: May 21, 2013, 11:40:28 PM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.

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DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #21 on: May 22, 2013, 12:20:34 AM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.
.

Of course it is. But some of the posts here seem to be a little harsher than necessary in order to help this 23 year old learn that. She's still young and learning. We can guide her here and help her.


*inviteseller

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #22 on: May 22, 2013, 12:58:27 AM »
I have a rare and potentiolly life threatening medical condition and at times I have to go see several specialists (cardiologists, hematologist, neurologist, etc). My parent's insurance will only cover me until the day I turn 26 (3 years) and my health is going downhill. I only have one or two appointments per month and I try and ask off as soon as I can. My job is a non essential retail one (everyone at the store can do it) and so I am not leaving them short handed when I go. The problem is a certain manager.

She, and her crony, for some reason don't like me. I am on time or early every single day, I don't ask to go home early and I do a good job (customers ask for me). She will through a hissy fit the minute I tell her I need the day off (yet the pretty college kids can go en-mass to the beach and she is happy for them. ::)) My appointments are during the day, usually in the morning or afternoon.

My dad ended up going to the store manager and having a "come to diety" meeting after I had a migrain the ER doc said could of killed me. (I had asked to go home and the manager's crony brushed me off and told me to take a pill). That ended up with some changes, but not much.

What is the best way to phrase "I really need these appointments" without seeming SS? I have shown them the refferel slips, along with Dr's notes and she rolls her eyes.

I would work somewhere else if I could, but my two conditions make that hard right now.

Per the bolded...his 23 year old DD could have died due to a manager callously ignoring an employees request to leave due to a serious medical condition.  I have been a retail manager for many years and I have had parents of adults call and berate me for schedules, bad reviews ect and I just rolled my eyes, but if this dad had come to me in this situation I would have fallen all over myself apologizing and scheduled an IMMEDIATE meeting with all managers and the employee to hash out all issues, from what the employee may need as far as time for specialist appointments and what is to be done in a medical emergency.  Ignoring a medical emergency for a known condition of an employee sets the employer up for a whole lot of issues worse than a very angry dad coming in.
OP states that she has taken what I feel are appropriate steps to request time off (documentation), doesn't ask for excessive time off and only for the documented appointments, and is a good employee.  There is absolutely nothing SS in requesting time off for Dr's appointments and again, don't even go to assistant manager even if it means coming in to talk to another manager on your time off.  And again, if you see this resistance going up the chain of command, please know that no job is worth your health.

AreaWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #23 on: May 22, 2013, 01:51:36 AM »
If a parent is truly acting alone, without the knowledge of an adult child, I would never hold that against the adult child nor tell the adult child to "grow up."  I would not assume that the adult child asked the parent for intervention without asking the adult child first.  I just don't think that's fair, in part because I faced that situation. 

I had a parent complain to someone (the absolute wrong person, of course) without my knowledge or request, and that person then called me up to chew me out.  He did not believe me when I told him that the parent did it of their own volition and without my request, even after I told him that the situation was being handled.  I was about 20 at the time.

I second the advice to go over the head of the relevant manager, up the chain as needed.

RingTailedLemur

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #24 on: May 22, 2013, 03:20:42 AM »
I agree with *inviteseller.

I see nothing wrong with a seriously ill employee being assisted by an advocate.

iridaceae

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #25 on: May 22, 2013, 05:46:45 AM »
Yeah I don't think that the dad was thinking "I must go interfere with my daughter's job!" but rather "Who the ehell almost got my daughter killed?!?!?"


KenveeB

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #26 on: May 22, 2013, 08:29:55 AM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.
.

Of course it is. But some of the posts here seem to be a little harsher than necessary in order to help this 23 year old learn that. She's still young and learning. We can guide her here and help her.

I think different people are considering her age differently. There seem to be quite a few people who seem to consider 23 as one step above a child and still in need of a parent's help. I consider it as well above the age of living and working on her own, able to vote, drink, and serve in the military, and it doesn't do her any favors to treat her as a child. If she was 33 or 43 or 53, would you still excuse her father interfering? From the OP, she never brought up this problem with anyone else -- not a superior, not HR -- before having Daddy come in for a "come to deity meeting". And she seemed quite proud of having Daddy interfere. I think that's an attitude that needs to be nipped in the bud immediately if she wants to have a professional career. If she had been trying to address this and not having any luck, then I would be much more sympathetic to having someone else intercede on her behalf.

Amava

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #27 on: May 22, 2013, 08:34:42 AM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.
.

Of course it is. But some of the posts here seem to be a little harsher than necessary in order to help this 23 year old learn that. She's still young and learning. We can guide her here and help her.

I think different people are considering her age differently. There seem to be quite a few people who seem to consider 23 as one step above a child and still in need of a parent's help. I consider it as well above the age of living and working on her own, able to vote, drink, and serve in the military, and it doesn't do her any favors to treat her as a child. If she was 33 or 43 or 53, would you still excuse her father interfering? From the OP, she never brought up this problem with anyone else -- not a superior, not HR -- before having Daddy come in for a "come to deity meeting". And she seemed quite proud of having Daddy interfere. I think that's an attitude that needs to be nipped in the bud immediately if she wants to have a professional career. If she had been trying to address this and not having any luck, then I would be much more sympathetic to having someone else intercede on her behalf.

Re the bolded: Absolutely I would excuse it, and applaud it. Whether it was her father, her son, her daughter, her sister, her friend, her partner, or a random customer who had witnessed her direct superior treating her badly.  I would, as a manager, thank whomever alerted me of this dangerous situation profusely, and take steps immediately to resolve the matter.

And I wish people would knock it off with the condescending "Daddy interfere" wording. It is quite off-putting.

whatsanenigma

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #28 on: May 22, 2013, 10:34:32 AM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.
.

Of course it is. But some of the posts here seem to be a little harsher than necessary in order to help this 23 year old learn that. She's still young and learning. We can guide her here and help her.

Also, we have to remember that the OP has a serious medical condition.  That makes it much more difficult to "tackle these situations" or even learn to tackle them.  It isn't so simple as being an adult who is and should be responsible for herself, who is both mentally and physically capable of addressing the situation.  Yes, she needs to learn how to do this, but the difficulties are much more than just emotional when you have a serious, chronic medical condition.

I am speaking here as someone who has several chronic illnesses for many years and has had to deal with getting appropriate time off, etc.  Sometimes I have navigated such problems more successfully than other times, I will admit, but you don't exactly get a handbook along with your diagnosis of disorder xyz about exactly how to solve the social problems it causes.

You just need to do the best you can, is what it comes down to for me.  Did the OP's father overreact? I think if he had intervened strictly on the basis of getting time off, it might have been an overreaction.  But he was reacting to the fact that his daughter almost died.  I think any parent, regardless of the age of the offspring, would have a strong reaction to that even if they didn't do what the OP's dad did. 

And sometimes, in such situations that involve serious chronic illnesses, you actually need the help of someone else, be it a parent, a spouse, a sibling, whatever, to help you handle work problems, etc.  It's unfortunate but I have found it to be true-such as when I cannot physically call my workplace to tell them I am sick, even on the way to the ER, and I ask a relative to do it.  If the father overreacted in this particular case is a matter of debate but as an overall point, I don't see anything wrong with getting help as needed from a family member, even if it wouldn't be the best thing to do if you were physically healthy overall.

TurtleDove

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #29 on: May 22, 2013, 10:58:34 AM »
I think different people are considering her age differently. There seem to be quite a few people who seem to consider 23 as one step above a child and still in need of a parent's help. I consider it as well above the age of living and working on her own, able to vote, drink, and serve in the military, and it doesn't do her any favors to treat her as a child. If she was 33 or 43 or 53, would you still excuse her father interfering? From the OP, she never brought up this problem with anyone else -- not a superior, not HR -- before having Daddy come in for a "come to deity meeting". And she seemed quite proud of having Daddy interfere. I think that's an attitude that needs to be nipped in the bud immediately if she wants to have a professional career. If she had been trying to address this and not having any luck, then I would be much more sympathetic to having someone else intercede on her behalf.

POD, especially the bolded.  I don't work in this type of field, but in my field I cannot imagine having an employee's parent intervene on their behalf.  This would cause me serious concern about the employee's maturity level and ability to handle the job independently.