Author Topic: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?  (Read 21072 times)

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TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #30 on: May 22, 2013, 11:06:12 AM »
I don't think anyone here is downplaying the seriousness of the situation, but that the OP is of an age where she needs to learn to tackle these situations by herself.  She is physically and mentally able of addressing the situation, so it's not appropriate for a parent to step in.  It is emotionally difficult but it's something that everyone needs to learn.
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Of course it is. But some of the posts here seem to be a little harsher than necessary in order to help this 23 year old learn that. She's still young and learning. We can guide her here and help her.

Also, we have to remember that the OP has a serious medical condition.  That makes it much more difficult to "tackle these situations" or even learn to tackle them.  It isn't so simple as being an adult who is and should be responsible for herself, who is both mentally and physically capable of addressing the situation.  Yes, she needs to learn how to do this, but the difficulties are much more than just emotional when you have a serious, chronic medical condition.

I am speaking here as someone who has several chronic illnesses for many years and has had to deal with getting appropriate time off, etc.  Sometimes I have navigated such problems more successfully than other times, I will admit, but you don't exactly get a handbook along with your diagnosis of disorder xyz about exactly how to solve the social problems it causes.

You just need to do the best you can, is what it comes down to for me.  Did the OP's father overreact? I think if he had intervened strictly on the basis of getting time off, it might have been an overreaction.  But he was reacting to the fact that his daughter almost died.  I think any parent, regardless of the age of the offspring, would have a strong reaction to that even if they didn't do what the OP's dad did. 

And sometimes, in such situations that involve serious chronic illnesses, you actually need the help of someone else, be it a parent, a spouse, a sibling, whatever, to help you handle work problems, etc.  It's unfortunate but I have found it to be true-such as when I cannot physically call my workplace to tell them I am sick, even on the way to the ER, and I ask a relative to do it.  If the father overreacted in this particular case is a matter of debate but as an overall point, I don't see anything wrong with getting help as needed from a family member, even if it wouldn't be the best thing to do if you were physically healthy overall.

Thank you!

Also my condition is an invisible one that people can't "see" unless they have some experience with it (certain physical traits experts in the disorder can see just looking at you).  I also have a learning disability it took me three years of explaining for them to comprehend. It involves math and only math, the manger who dislikes me, thought I couldn't read.  ??? To most people I interact with, LD= stupid. Not all of my managers have been like this, three treated me like a human being and understood the problems I was having (no gnashing of teeth when I had appointments, didn't talk to me like I was 5, etc). But they ended up leaving due to the female dogs (one was fired since he wouldn't give in to a SS customer (SS wanted him to break company policy), one went/was sent to another department since the FDs did not like her, and the other got transferred to another store out of the blue).

I would gladly leave the company and have another job, if another job was out there. I have a learning disabilty (Dyscalculia) so I cannot do any job that requires handling money or doing measurments, I have been searching for a tech school/college that I can get into that doens't require math (in our state you have to take and pass a test before entering college, I can't pass the math portion). The physical condition: no military, police, construction, etc.

I also have issues with my blood pressure/autonomic nervous system so that I times I am struggling to not pass out / escape mental fog and that is another reason my dad went to the boss.

The only accommodation I can get from DARS (Department of rehabilitation) is a person shadowing me, I am already treated like an idot, don't need to give them more ammo.
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fountainsoflettuce

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #31 on: May 22, 2013, 11:31:29 AM »
I'm sorry to hear this is happening.  I do agree with the others, that at 23 years you should be dealing directly with this issue rather than relying on your father.   You said you're having problems with a certain manager and her friend.  How many other managers are there?  Do you have issues with them?  Are they in charge of scheduling or is it just these 2 managers?  I would file a complaint with HR.   I would also offer to schedule all the appointments or as many as you can for a certain day of the week.  If you always need, say, Thursday off, for appointments, then it makes scheduling much much easier.

Also, how did EMT training go?  Did you get certified?  I know your health does cause issues but I was hoping you found a new job and career.

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #32 on: May 22, 2013, 11:50:43 AM »
At 46 years old, if I'd been in a position in which I'd almost died and the person who put me in that situation didn't care (told me to just take a pill instead of getting me to the hospital), my parents would be furious. I'm their child - at 3, 23, 46, 67 or 100 years old. I wouldn't blame them for going to my boss and being pretty darn pissed. And I've been working for years and am very capable in my job.

I agree with the previous poster. This isn't a case where Daddy didn't like the schedule I'd been given. This is a situation where his daughter's life had just been put at risk. Frankly, a company - or boss - that saw that as my not being capable in my job is one in which they wouldn't need to get rid of me. I'd already have my notice in with them before they could blink. And I'd probably be reporting them to whatever authority was higher than them. My life is worth far more than your job.


AngelicGamer

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #33 on: May 22, 2013, 11:53:47 AM »
Also, how did EMT training go?  Did you get certified?  I know your health does cause issues but I was hoping you found a new job and career.

It's possible that she passed but where she could go for work are on hiring freezes.  It sucks, but that's the truth for a lot of public works out there at the moment.

TexasRanger, I would look into applying to SSDI.  Yes, you can work, but at the same time, it sounds like it is putting a horrible strain on you mentally and physically.  I feel that you would qualify.  It's a hard battle, but with your parents on your side (which it sounds like they really are), I think you would win it.  Also, they might be able to help you get on Medicare / Medicaid in about three years if you start working with them now.

Or, if you don't want to go that route, see if they can at least help you find a less stressful job or get into a school.  It might be bagging at Walmart, but that might be a whole lot better than where you are at the moment.




"Life's tough, huh?  And then you die." ~ Buck, the Magnificent Seven.

Moray

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #34 on: May 22, 2013, 11:55:30 AM »
At 46 years old, if I'd been in a position in which I'd almost died and the person who put me in that situation didn't care (told me to just take a pill instead of getting me to the hospital), my parents would be furious. I'm their child - at 3, 23, 46, 67 or 100 years old. I wouldn't blame them for going to my boss and being pretty darn pissed. And I've been working for years and am very capable in my job.

I agree with the previous poster. This isn't a case where Daddy didn't like the schedule I'd been given. This is a situation where his daughter's life had just been put at risk. Frankly, a company - or boss - that saw that as my not being capable in my job is one in which they wouldn't need to get rid of me. I'd already have my notice in with them before they could blink. And I'd probably be reporting them to whatever authority was higher than them. My life is worth far more than your job.

Well no kidding your parents would be furious...but it would still be inappropriate for them to interfere. The onus is on the adult employee to fight their own battles. The parent/doctors/etc can certainly help provide statements in the case of a formal complaint, dispute of wrongful termination, or the like, but it would still be ridiculously out of line for your Mommy or Daddy to call your employers for any reason other than to inform them that you are incapacitated and in the hospital. Inform them. Not badger them because they didn't feel the employer didn't treat you right.

Utah

TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #35 on: May 22, 2013, 11:58:04 AM »
I'm sorry to hear this is happening.  I do agree with the others, that at 23 years you should be dealing directly with this issue rather than relying on your father.   You said you're having problems with a certain manager and her friend.  How many other managers are there?  Do you have issues with them?  Are they in charge of scheduling or is it just these 2 managers?  I would file a complaint with HR.   I would also offer to schedule all the appointments or as many as you can for a certain day of the week.  If you always need, say, Thursday off, for appointments, then it makes scheduling much much easier.

Also, how did EMT training go?  Did you get certified?  I know your health does cause issues but I was hoping you found a new job and career.

I would have dealt with the boss, if he was in the store. He is not a people person and will hide/make excuses when you try and speak to him. I had attempted to before and his secretary said he was "out" each time. Note, each time was a different time of the day and week. She would tell me he would be there, but he wasn't. Since my dad was a customer aka one of the people who walk on water, he was able to get in to see him. My dad opened his eyes to what was going on in the store, he had no clue, and something was finally done. Boss has only been at our store for 2 years (before that we had a better one) and has anxiety issues (can't look at people while talking,etc).

I have to see doctors who are knowledgeable about my condition. To a normal person, abdominal pain could mean constipation, to me it could me a AAA (Abdominal Aortic Anyeurism) and I have been brushed off by doctors who don't understand. I have to get an appointment when one appears, else we could be waiting for over a year. 

I did get the certification, but cannot it use it as of yet. Too many medical issues right now.
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Curious Cat

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #36 on: May 22, 2013, 12:03:13 PM »
At 46 years old, if I'd been in a position in which I'd almost died and the person who put me in that situation didn't care (told me to just take a pill instead of getting me to the hospital), my parents would be furious. I'm their child - at 3, 23, 46, 67 or 100 years old. I wouldn't blame them for going to my boss and being pretty darn pissed. And I've been working for years and am very capable in my job.

I agree with the previous poster. This isn't a case where Daddy didn't like the schedule I'd been given. This is a situation where his daughter's life had just been put at risk. Frankly, a company - or boss - that saw that as my not being capable in my job is one in which they wouldn't need to get rid of me. I'd already have my notice in with them before they could blink. And I'd probably be reporting them to whatever authority was higher than them. My life is worth far more than your job.

Well no kidding your parents would be furious...but it would still be inappropriate for them to interfere. The onus is on the adult employee to fight their own battles. The parent/doctors/etc can certainly help provide statements in the case of a formal complaint, dispute of wrongful termination, or the like, but it would still be ridiculously out of line for your Mommy or Daddy to call your employers for any reason other than to inform them that you are incapacitated and in the hospital. Inform them. Not badger them because they didn't feel the employer didn't treat you right.

Moray hit the nail on the head.  Of course your parents would be upset.  A couple of years ago I had an absolutely miserable job where I literally spent 1/4 of the day getting screamed at on the phone because my boss was incompetent.  My dad was NOT happy that his little girl was being treated so rudely but he knew there was nothing he could do about it that wouldn't make the situation worse.  Luckily after 6 horrible months I was able to find another job. 
I'm relaying this story to show that I do have sympathy for the OP but that doesn't make it appropriate for her dad to yell at her boss.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2013, 12:05:19 PM by Curious Cat »

Moray

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #37 on: May 22, 2013, 12:04:03 PM »
I'm sorry to hear this is happening.  I do agree with the others, that at 23 years you should be dealing directly with this issue rather than relying on your father.   You said you're having problems with a certain manager and her friend.  How many other managers are there?  Do you have issues with them?  Are they in charge of scheduling or is it just these 2 managers?  I would file a complaint with HR.   I would also offer to schedule all the appointments or as many as you can for a certain day of the week.  If you always need, say, Thursday off, for appointments, then it makes scheduling much much easier.

Also, how did EMT training go?  Did you get certified?  I know your health does cause issues but I was hoping you found a new job and career.

I would have dealt with the boss, if he was in the store. He is not a people person and will hide/make excuses when you try and speak to him. I had attempted to before and his secretary said he was "out" each time. Note, each time was a different time of the day and week. She would tell me he would be there, but he wasn't. Since my dad was a customer aka one of the people who walk on water, he was able to get in to see him. My dad opened his eyes to what was going on in the store, he had no clue, and something was finally done. Boss has only been at our store for 2 years (before that we had a better one) and has anxiety issues (can't look at people while talking,etc).

I have to see doctors who are knowledgeable about my condition. To a normal person, abdominal pain could mean constipation, to me it could me a AAA (Abdominal Aortic Anyeur ism) and I have been brushed off by doctors who don't understand. I have to get an appointment when one appears, else we could be waiting for over a year. 

I did get the certification, but cannot it use it as of yet. Too many medical issues right now.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It really sounds like this job is not a good fit for you. I hope you're able to find a more accommodating place soon.

OT, and I hope this isn't out of line, but did there have to be any sort of modifications/accommodations for you to get your EMT certification or planned accommodations for when you're out in the field? My cousin has severe Dyscalculia, too, and has always thought that sort of career was out of her reach. She'd be thrilled to know it's still a possibility!
Utah

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #38 on: May 22, 2013, 12:06:30 PM »
At 46 years old, if I'd been in a position in which I'd almost died and the person who put me in that situation didn't care (told me to just take a pill instead of getting me to the hospital), my parents would be furious. I'm their child - at 3, 23, 46, 67 or 100 years old. I wouldn't blame them for going to my boss and being pretty darn pissed. And I've been working for years and am very capable in my job.

I agree with the previous poster. This isn't a case where Daddy didn't like the schedule I'd been given. This is a situation where his daughter's life had just been put at risk. Frankly, a company - or boss - that saw that as my not being capable in my job is one in which they wouldn't need to get rid of me. I'd already have my notice in with them before they could blink. And I'd probably be reporting them to whatever authority was higher than them. My life is worth far more than your job.

Well no kidding your parents would be furious...but it would still be inappropriate for them to interfere. The onus is on the adult employee to fight their own battles. The parent/doctors/etc can certainly help provide statements in the case of a formal complaint, dispute of wrongful termination, or the like, but it would still be ridiculously out of line for your Mommy or Daddy to call your employers for any reason other than to inform them that you are incapacitated and in the hospital. Inform them. Not badger them because they didn't feel the employer didn't treat you right.

Moray hit the nail on the head.  Of course your parents would be upset.  A couple of years ago I had an absolutely miserable job where I literally spent 1/4 of the day getting screamed at on the phone because my boss was incompetent.  My dad was NOT happy that his little girl was being treated so rudely but he knew there was nothing he could do about it that wouldn't make the situation worse.  Luckily after 6 horrible months I was able to find another job. 
I'm relaying this story to show that I do have sympathy for the OP but that doesn't make it appropriate for her dad to yell at her boss.

Maybe I've missed it, but where does TexasRanger say her father yelled at her boss?

Moray

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #39 on: May 22, 2013, 12:08:58 PM »
At 46 years old, if I'd been in a position in which I'd almost died and the person who put me in that situation didn't care (told me to just take a pill instead of getting me to the hospital), my parents would be furious. I'm their child - at 3, 23, 46, 67 or 100 years old. I wouldn't blame them for going to my boss and being pretty darn pissed. And I've been working for years and am very capable in my job.

I agree with the previous poster. This isn't a case where Daddy didn't like the schedule I'd been given. This is a situation where his daughter's life had just been put at risk. Frankly, a company - or boss - that saw that as my not being capable in my job is one in which they wouldn't need to get rid of me. I'd already have my notice in with them before they could blink. And I'd probably be reporting them to whatever authority was higher than them. My life is worth far more than your job.

Well no kidding your parents would be furious...but it would still be inappropriate for them to interfere. The onus is on the adult employee to fight their own battles. The parent/doctors/etc can certainly help provide statements in the case of a formal complaint, dispute of wrongful termination, or the like, but it would still be ridiculously out of line for your Mommy or Daddy to call your employers for any reason other than to inform them that you are incapacitated and in the hospital. Inform them. Not badger them because they didn't feel the employer didn't treat you right.

Moray hit the nail on the head.  Of course your parents would be upset.  A couple of years ago I had an absolutely miserable job where I literally spent 1/4 of the day getting screamed at on the phone because my boss was incompetent.  My dad was NOT happy that his little girl was being treated so rudely but he knew there was nothing he could do about it that wouldn't make the situation worse.  Luckily after 6 horrible months I was able to find another job. 
I'm relaying this story to show that I do have sympathy for the OP but that doesn't make it appropriate for her dad to yell at her boss.

Maybe I've missed it, but where does TexasRanger say her father yelled at her boss?

I don't think "yelling" has ever been mentioned, but when someone says they had a "Come to deity" conversation, that has a connotation of being very stern, possibly involving raised voices. Similar to "reading someone the riot act", only with a stated goal of getting [whoever] to submit to your point of view.
Utah

Curious Cat

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #40 on: May 22, 2013, 12:10:44 PM »


Maybe I've missed it, but where does TexasRanger say her father yelled at her boss?

I believe it was the OP where she said he had a "come to deity" meeting with one of the managers. To me that doesn't imply a calm rational discussion.

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #41 on: May 22, 2013, 12:15:20 PM »
I don't see having a serious and pointed discussion--which is my definition of that kind of meeting--implies irrationality or raising one's voice.

I just didn't want to see the accusation that he yelled repeated as a fact.

Curious Cat

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #42 on: May 22, 2013, 12:16:45 PM »
Then I guess we have different definitions of what a come to deity meeting is, perhaps the OP could clarify? Because I wouldn't want to be inaccurate.

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #43 on: May 22, 2013, 12:24:36 PM »
TexasRanger, you said that it's difficult to schedule a meeting with the boss, but I suggest you start trying to do this now. You are being bullied because of your medical condition, and that is morally and legally wrong.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #44 on: May 22, 2013, 12:27:47 PM »
As one who has dyscalculia as well, I can sympathize. It's never been diagnosed but I'm pretty sure given how hard it is to do math in my head and I've been treated like an idiot for it in the past.   I can understand not wanting someone to follow you around on the job, especially if people are already treating you as they are. 

I can't say that I blame you, Texas, for your father going in.   Nor do I really blame him.  If it were one of my boys and it was something like a scheduling change or a conflict of personalities I'd keep away cause that is something for my child to deal with.  I get the impression though that up to this point, you have been doing what you can to make it clear to these folks and have been trying to fight your own battles to no avail.   

And that's where I would say I see no problem with the parent helping in trying to come up with other methods to get it across.   But if the manager on duty's reaction, or lack of had nearly caused my child to die? Oh yeah, sorry, I'd be going in myself. 
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata