Author Topic: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?  (Read 21555 times)

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TurtleDove

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #60 on: May 22, 2013, 02:29:26 PM »
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I can imagine having that kind of discussion while being calm and rational, and speaking in at a normal volume. To me, it's in the choice of words.

I can, too.

For me, even a calm and rational intervention by my dad would mortify me, and if I were the employer I would think the employee was not mature enough for the job.  That is why I really think the OP would do better to handle this on her own.

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #61 on: May 22, 2013, 02:31:01 PM »
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I can imagine having that kind of discussion while being calm and rational, and speaking in at a normal volume. To me, it's in the choice of words.

I can, too.

It's when my father got quiet that we got scared, and paid the most attention.

Moray

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #62 on: May 22, 2013, 02:32:07 PM »
Then I guess we have different definitions of what a come to deity meeting is, perhaps the OP could clarify? Because I wouldn't want to be inaccurate.

Yeah, I'm curious about that too. Because having a calm, rational, brief discussion about an issue isn't the same thing in the slightest in my mind as having a "come to deity meeting", which implies severely dressing someone down. That's influencing a lot of my response, so if something else is meant, I hope OP will clarify.

Curious Cat claimed her father yelled at her boss. I asked where TexasRanger.

I can imagine having that kind of discussion while being calm and rational, and speaking in at a normal volume. To me, it's in the choice of words.

I can't. To me, "calm and rational" is absolutely excluded by the notion of "come to deity". I think of the definition audrey quoted. So saying "had a come to deity meeting with" is completely synonomous with "yelled at" to me.

Such discussions my father had with me when I was young, and hte ones I have with my son now, are calm, rational and do not inolve yelling. They're delivered with a laser-like focus, and they brook no argument.

Which might be appropriate when speaking to one's own child, but is hardly an appropriate means communication to your adult child's employer. Even if no raised voices occurred, that's intrusive and probably condescending to boot.
Utah

QueenfaninCA

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #63 on: May 22, 2013, 02:33:38 PM »
I would have dealt with the boss, if he was in the store. He is not a people person and will hide/make excuses when you try and speak to him. I had attempted to before and his secretary said he was "out" each time. Note, each time was a different time of the day and week. She would tell me he would be there, but he wasn't.

Then tell her you want to schedule a meeting with boss whenever he is next available.

Jones

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #64 on: May 22, 2013, 02:35:29 PM »
The OP has not asked for suggestions on how to deal with "dad fallout" or stop dad from talking to her boss, but how exactly she should talk to her boss/manager herself....

JoyinVirginia

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #65 on: May 22, 2013, 02:46:24 PM »
I have not read entire thread yet so someone else may have posted this. If you are in US, you could request doctor complete a FMLA form for you. Get it from your company hr dept. It covers ” intermittent medical visits”.

turnip

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #66 on: May 22, 2013, 02:47:04 PM »
The OP has not asked for suggestions on how to deal with "dad fallout" or stop dad from talking to her boss, but how exactly she should talk to her boss/manager herself....

I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.   

JeseC

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #67 on: May 22, 2013, 02:49:47 PM »
I do have to say - having had some pretty serious migraines myself, I'd be concerned about whether she could have spoken to the manager in that situation.  I know when I'm seriously sick like that, even the thought of trying to talk on the phone or get in a car makes me start crying.  I can't do it then, and if someone has to be told soon I'm quite likely to ask someone else to call on my behalf.

Tabby Uprising

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #68 on: May 22, 2013, 02:51:45 PM »
OP, I think you need to talk to your boss and HR as some other posters have mentioned.  You might want to have your needs/issues documented to make sure you have all major points addressed.  I have x condition and need x treatment.  Managers 1 and 2 on this date made these comments.  On this date, Managers 1 and 2 made these comments, etc.

If your boss is hard to reach, can you email him?  Or go ahead and meet with HR first and they might follow up with your boss (you can mention to them your issues reaching him).  HR will find him  ;D 

Or, you could email/call your boss and if you get his secretary say, "Okay, do you know when he'll have time to meet with me?  I have an appointment with HR on x date and I wanted to be able to meet with him prior to that."    That could get his attention.

But definitely go to HR.  You have a valid issue to be addressed and HR will work with you and your boss to ensure everyone's needs are being met.  That way, it doesn't matter what the nasty managers say to you.  When you need to leave for an appointment or go to the emergency room, you go!  If they make snarky comments or try to prevent you, you say "No. I am leaving.  I have prior approval from both boss and HR, but I will let them know of your statements/concerns."

Health situations can be a bit of a minefield from a corporate perspective and HR departments ensure they are handled carefully.  Any managers mucking around with a delicate situation like this will not make HR happy and a good HR department will push to have that behavior stopped asap. 

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #69 on: May 22, 2013, 03:10:54 PM »
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I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.

I agree with the above.  OP, use that phrase as much as you need to.  That's going to be your answer.  Your health is vital.  And you have to fight to protect it.


Visiting Crazy Town

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #70 on: May 22, 2013, 03:34:07 PM »
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I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.

I agree with the above.  OP, use that phrase as much as you need to.  That's going to be your answer.  Your health is vital.  And you have to fight to protect it.

I'm pretty sure that after using these phrases with your boss that  you  won't  have to worry about scheduling around your job, since you  will soon be in the unemployment line.

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #71 on: May 22, 2013, 03:37:20 PM »
Quote
I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.

I agree with the above.  OP, use that phrase as much as you need to.  That's going to be your answer.  Your health is vital.  And you have to fight to protect it.

I'm pretty sure that after using these phrases with your boss that  you  won't  have to worry about scheduling around your job, since you  will soon be in the unemployment line.

Being fired for needing to go to doctors' appointments?

Amava

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #72 on: May 22, 2013, 03:37:27 PM »
Quote
I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.

I agree with the above.  OP, use that phrase as much as you need to.  That's going to be your answer.  Your health is vital.  And you have to fight to protect it.

I'm pretty sure that after using these phrases with your boss that  you  won't  have to worry about scheduling around your job, since you  will soon be in the unemployment line.

Better unemployed than dead.


TurtleDove

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #73 on: May 22, 2013, 03:38:06 PM »
I'm pretty sure that after using these phrases with your boss that  you  won't  have to worry about scheduling around your job, since you  will soon be in the unemployment line.

Yeah, I have always disliked many of the ehell go to phrases because while the point is valid the delivery comes across as incredibly condescending and rude to me (not to mention untrue - it is possible, the OP just doesn't want to do it).  I think a better approach would be to work with your boss to come up with a solution.

OP:  I have a doctor's appointment next Wednesday at 3.
Boss: You are scheduled 12-8.
OP: Can I take a longer lunch break so I can do both? Or come in at 10, work until 2:30, and be back from 4-8?
Boss: Sure!   Why don't you take a longer lunch.
« Last Edit: May 22, 2013, 03:40:08 PM by TurtleDove »

TurtleDove

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #74 on: May 22, 2013, 03:39:27 PM »
Being fired for needing to go to doctors' appointments?

If I were the boss, I would be flexible and we wouldn't be in this situation, but if we were, I would fire the OP for being unprofessional and rude in the "that won't be possible" phrasing.  Not for needing to go to doctor's appointments.