Author Topic: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?  (Read 21006 times)

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wolfie

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #90 on: May 22, 2013, 05:16:05 PM »
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would be preferrable to using a phrase that is (in this context) at best dismissive and at worst snotty and insubordinate.

Again, if taken literally and in the wrong tone of voice, it's snotty and insubordinate.  But I would suggest the OP not use it in that way.

And what I am saying is that tone isn't what makes this offensive to me; I find the phrase itself offensive.

Frankly, even if the tone were "perfect" why risk using a phrase that has such potential for being offensive? The English language is full of may other, more fitting, phrases that wouldn't pose the same risk.

Why the attachment to this one particular phrase? Why assign it such special importance?

I see that phrase as useful if you are in the power position - so if you are denying someone's request for a favor or a task. But the OP is not in the power position here - she is pretty much the bottom of the barrel and as such she should step carefully.

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #91 on: May 22, 2013, 05:23:59 PM »
Quote
would be preferrable to using a phrase that is (in this context) at best dismissive and at worst snotty and insubordinate.

Again, if taken literally and in the wrong tone of voice, it's snotty and insubordinate.  But I would suggest the OP not use it in that way.

And what I am saying is that tone isn't what makes this offensive to me; I find the phrase itself offensive.


And, what I'm saying is that it's not just the tone that I'm talking about. I'm saying that it's tone plus not those literal words of "that won't be possible." You're using those exact words when I'm saying the wording can be changed such that, when combined with the context of what the boss said as well as the proper tone for those words, it's not snotty.


TexasRanger

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #92 on: May 22, 2013, 05:27:07 PM »
I do not qualify for FMLA ( partime,not enough hours).

I am at the bottom of the pecking order, so that phrase will defiantly not go over well.
Bourik swe pou chwal dekore ak dentel

LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #93 on: May 22, 2013, 05:28:17 PM »
I do not qualify for FMLA ( partime,not enough hours).

I am at the bottom of the pecking order, so that phrase will defiantly not go over well.

Can you e-mail the boss?

*inviteseller

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #94 on: May 22, 2013, 06:03:02 PM »
The problem here is not her father coming in which a lot of posters seem hung up on to the point of applying some interesting assumptions to OP and her Dad.  It is how to get OP, who is already in a daunting medical crisis to also learn to stand up to a nasty piece of work manager who has neither a heart nor a brain.  OP has shown medical documentation to the powers that be and asked in advance for time off for Dr's appointments and was denied.  So, it is time to stop asking.  Write down the appointments along with copies of any documents you have pertaining to them and hand it to manager and say "I am unable to work these days due to these appointments." And walk away.  If she schedules you, remind her ONCE, that you have given her documentation in advance that you have appointments and will NOT be in.  Walk away.  If they write you up for a no call, no show, they have to prove you did give her documentation (keep a notebook of day you gave said documentation and always hand it to her instead of leaving it on a desk) and you can refute the write up in your own hand writing on the forms.  If they decide to fire you, apply for unemployment and they have to prove they were justified.  If you documentdocumentdocument, and have written rebuttals on any and all write ups they will have to show good cause for the firing and it doesn't look good in their favor.
And on the tangent of what is a come to deity meeting...everyone I have ever had or had done to me was not yelling or screaming, but the tome and demeanor was one you said "yes sir!' " yes ma'am" to.

turnip

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #95 on: May 22, 2013, 06:12:59 PM »
I am taking the OP on her word at this point

Quote
I had a migrain the ER doc said could of killed me. (I had asked to go home and the manager's crony brushed me off and told me to take a pill).

She should speak to her supervisors nicely, pleasantly, with a smile and with understanding of the inconvenience she is causing, and she can adjust her wording as need be, but it still needs to be delivered clearly in a way such that they realize it is not a request, it is an adult who has made a decision that is of greater priority than her job.

"I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid I need to leave."

"I hate to put you in this position, but I do need to be going."

I sympathize that the OP's health problems are making employment difficult for her - I have many thoughts on that, but they are not for this forum.   If the OP needs to leave or she might *die*, than she needs to leave. 

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #96 on: May 22, 2013, 06:15:10 PM »
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who has neither a heart nor a brain

Or courage.



WELL!  You did leave it out!  I had to add it! :D


DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #97 on: May 22, 2013, 06:16:58 PM »
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She should speak to her supervisors nicely, pleasantly, with a smile and with understanding of the inconvenience she is causing, and she can adjust her wording as need be, but it still needs to be delivered clearly in a way such that they realize it is not a request, it is an adult who has made a decision that is of greater priority than her job.

"I'm very sorry, but I'm afraid I need to leave."

"I hate to put you in this position, but I do need to be going."

I sympathize that the OP's health problems are making employment difficult for her - I have many thoughts on that, but they are not for this forum.   If the OP needs to leave or she might *die*, than she needs to leave.

POD to this.


Hillia

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #98 on: May 22, 2013, 06:50:38 PM »
The problem here is not her father coming in which a lot of posters seem hung up on to the point of applying some interesting assumptions to OP and her Dad.  It is how to get OP, who is already in a daunting medical crisis to also learn to stand up to a nasty piece of work manager who has neither a heart nor a brain.  OP has shown medical documentation to the powers that be and asked in advance for time off for Dr's appointments and was denied.  So, it is time to stop asking.  Write down the appointments along with copies of any documents you have pertaining to them and hand it to manager and say "I am unable to work these days due to these appointments." And walk away.  If she schedules you, remind her ONCE, that you have given her documentation in advance that you have appointments and will NOT be in.  Walk away.  If they write you up for a no call, no show, they have to prove you did give her documentation (keep a notebook of day you gave said documentation and always hand it to her instead of leaving it on a desk) and you can refute the write up in your own hand writing on the forms.  If they decide to fire you, apply for unemployment and they have to prove they were justified.  If you documentdocumentdocument, and have written rebuttals on any and all write ups they will have to show good cause for the firing and it doesn't look good in their favor.

POD this totally.

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shhh its me

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #99 on: May 22, 2013, 08:22:46 PM »
The OP has not asked for suggestions on how to deal with "dad fallout" or stop dad from talking to her boss, but how exactly she should talk to her boss/manager herself....

I think there have been some response - but the only real answer is that she states her plans and doesn't back down.

"I have an doctor appointment at 3 today" "I'm sorry, I need you to work at 3 today" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

"I have a headache and I need to leave"  "I can't let you leave, take an aspirin" "I'm afraid that won't be possible"

The boss and crony may never believe the seriousness of the OPs condition.   They may always believe she is exaggerating or faking.  There is only so much the OP can do about that - her first responsibility is to herself and her own health.

I think this phrasing might get someone fired and not just OP.

"I've leaving to go the hospital/urgent care/to seek immediate medical assistance/advise"  not "I have a headache and am going home." OP I am making an assumption that you will seek medical attention if you have to leave during a shift even if that means calling the doctor's office and having the nurse say "yes you must do x y z ( which includes leaving work). IF you are not going to be seeking medical attention in any form " I am very ill and must go home now" , "you can't take a pill. "  "I'm sorry but I am too ill to continue working I must go home now" 

As soon as you know the appointment time " I have a cardiologist appointment at x time day. I will need to be off y time (include travel and wait time at the office"  , "you have to work that day"  , " This was the only appointment available within 30,60,90 days. I must see my cardiologist,  I can not reschedule"

I don't think "that wont be possible " is an appropriate response to being told to do something within a persons normal job duties. Unless its to a question including "is this possible ?".   "That wont be possible", is a way to say no without explaining or debating further.;) . OP is not open to debate, but when asking for an exception to your normal job some explanation is in order such as "No appointments available on my day off.".   In this case in particular this manager already seems hostile , "that wont be possible" I think would be seen as confrontational.   

Try to work with a different manager whenever possible , keep them as informed as reasonably possible. ie " I have been trying to see my cardiologist but there is a 180 day wait for an appointment.  I will be given the first chance if the office has a cancellation before then, so I may have an appointment with short notice in the near future"

ladyknight1

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #100 on: May 22, 2013, 09:06:51 PM »
OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. I advise you to educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities as far as medical disability and your employment. Your employer does not deserve you.


LeveeWoman

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #101 on: May 22, 2013, 09:14:21 PM »
OP, I am so sorry you are going through this. I advise you to educate yourself about your rights and responsibilities as far as medical disability and your employment. Your employer does not deserve you.

DITTO!

Just because you're not covered by FMLA does not mean that you deserve to be treated as something you scrape off the bottom of your shoe.

DottyG

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #102 on: May 22, 2013, 09:36:06 PM »
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Your employer does not deserve you.

I could not agree more.


KenveeB

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #103 on: May 22, 2013, 09:55:27 PM »
The problem here is not her father coming in which a lot of posters seem hung up on to the point of applying some interesting assumptions to OP and her Dad.  It is how to get OP, who is already in a daunting medical crisis to also learn to stand up to a nasty piece of work manager who has neither a heart nor a brain.  OP has shown medical documentation to the powers that be and asked in advance for time off for Dr's appointments and was denied.  So, it is time to stop asking.  Write down the appointments along with copies of any documents you have pertaining to them and hand it to manager and say "I am unable to work these days due to these appointments." And walk away.  If she schedules you, remind her ONCE, that you have given her documentation in advance that you have appointments and will NOT be in.  Walk away.  If they write you up for a no call, no show, they have to prove you did give her documentation (keep a notebook of day you gave said documentation and always hand it to her instead of leaving it on a desk) and you can refute the write up in your own hand writing on the forms.  If they decide to fire you, apply for unemployment and they have to prove they were justified.  If you documentdocumentdocument, and have written rebuttals on any and all write ups they will have to show good cause for the firing and it doesn't look good in their favor.
And on the tangent of what is a come to deity meeting...everyone I have ever had or had done to me was not yelling or screaming, but the tome and demeanor was one you said "yes sir!' " yes ma'am" to.

Is she being denied, or is her manager just giving her a hard time? The OP talks about the manager "having a hissy fit", rolling her eyes, or "brushing her off" by telling her to just take a pill, but she doesn't say she's actually been denied the time off.

I think the issue with her father is relevant because it seems like part of the overall attitude problem. My original advice was "take this up calmly with the manager's superior or HR." This is a situation to act professionally in -- raise the issue to the appropriate people, document the problem (as you say), and keep calm and professional. Attitudes such as "she's just throwing hissy fits", "she's nicer to the pretty college kids than to me," and "if you don't do what I want, I'll have Daddy come in and yell at you" are absolutely not the way to handle the problem, but they're all what came across in the OP. Addressing that is important in order to raise the issue in the manner that's likely to get the result OP needs. Isn't that what matters?

*inviteseller

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Re: I polite way to get the seriousness of this across?
« Reply #104 on: May 22, 2013, 11:46:26 PM »
The problem here is not her father coming in which a lot of posters seem hung up on to the point of applying some interesting assumptions to OP and her Dad.  It is how to get OP, who is already in a daunting medical crisis to also learn to stand up to a nasty piece of work manager who has neither a heart nor a brain.  OP has shown medical documentation to the powers that be and asked in advance for time off for Dr's appointments and was denied.  So, it is time to stop asking.  Write down the appointments along with copies of any documents you have pertaining to them and hand it to manager and say "I am unable to work these days due to these appointments." And walk away.  If she schedules you, remind her ONCE, that you have given her documentation in advance that you have appointments and will NOT be in.  Walk away.  If they write you up for a no call, no show, they have to prove you did give her documentation (keep a notebook of day you gave said documentation and always hand it to her instead of leaving it on a desk) and you can refute the write up in your own hand writing on the forms.  If they decide to fire you, apply for unemployment and they have to prove they were justified.  If you documentdocumentdocument, and have written rebuttals on any and all write ups they will have to show good cause for the firing and it doesn't look good in their favor.
And on the tangent of what is a come to deity meeting...everyone I have ever had or had done to me was not yelling or screaming, but the tome and demeanor was one you said "yes sir!' " yes ma'am" to.

Is she being denied, or is her manager just giving her a hard time? The OP talks about the manager "having a hissy fit", rolling her eyes, or "brushing her off" by telling her to just take a pill, but she doesn't say she's actually been denied the time off.

I think the issue with her father is relevant because it seems like part of the overall attitude problem. My original advice was "take this up calmly with the manager's superior or HR." This is a situation to act professionally in -- raise the issue to the appropriate people, document the problem (as you say), and keep calm and professional. Attitudes such as "she's just throwing hissy fits", "she's nicer to the pretty college kids than to me," and "if you don't do what I want, I'll have Daddy come in and yell at you" are absolutely not the way to handle the problem, but they're all what came across in the OP. Addressing that is important in order to raise the issue in the manner that's likely to get the result OP needs. Isn't that what matters?

What attitude problem?  The boss is throwing hissy fits about her needing time off for medical appointments (I have seen this in bosses), she makes a comment about disparity in treatment of employees (who among us has not seen this in a work place???) and NO WHERE does OP say she is making her father go and fight her battles...her father took it upon himself to talk with the store manager after his daughter suffered a serious medical crisis at work and was not allowed to leave.  You have painted the OP as a supreme special snowflake where I see it as a young girl trying to take care of her health and keep a job and is having trouble with a difficult manager and wants to know how to handle it.  She is being denied time off for medical treatments but sees co workers get requested time off for fun stuff, she is told she can't leave during a medical crisis (which leaves her employer open to all sorts of legal stuff) but yet instead of walking out (which I commend her highly for), she is trying to figure out the polite way to handle this with the mean manager.