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  • September 30, 2016, 10:51:58 PM

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Author Topic: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky  (Read 111054 times)

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Shalamar

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #630 on: September 28, 2016, 09:53:21 AM »
Quote
So even when people know intellectually that someone is losing weight deliberately, and doing so for valid reasons, their instincts are screaming "He's getting thinner! He's sick!"

Sadly, this happened to my friend's dad.  Dad was always heavy, and he decided to go on a diet.  He lost a lot of weight, and everyone said "You look great!  You can stop now, though."  Dad said "That's the funny thing - I'm not even trying anymore, but the weight is still coming off."  It was cancer.  :(

Kimberami

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #631 on: September 28, 2016, 10:08:52 AM »
For awhile, I thought I had a MIL problem, but I was wrong. For Christmas, I'd get things like dusty lotion gift sets or wrong sized clothes. But after shopping with her, I learned that while she does stockpile year round (nothing wrong there!), she's also doing it with certain people in mind. So yeah, the set she got me was bought in June and kept in a closet for months, but it wasn't an after thought, wasn't meant as a slight, and was bought with love and genuine care and thought.  :)
This is such an important lesson to remember.  It is far too easy to assign negative intent to something that was done with either good or neutral intention. 
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road.

Klein Bottle

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #632 on: September 28, 2016, 04:57:20 PM »
For awhile, I thought I had a MIL problem, but I was wrong. For Christmas, I'd get things like dusty lotion gift sets or wrong sized clothes. But after shopping with her, I learned that while she does stockpile year round (nothing wrong there!), she's also doing it with certain people in mind. So yeah, the set she got me was bought in June and kept in a closet for months, but it wasn't an after thought, wasn't meant as a slight, and was bought with love and genuine care and thought.  :)
This is such an important lesson to remember.  It is far too easy to assign negative intent to something that was done with either good or neutral intention.

Yes!  What a sweet story. I'm glad it turned out to be a good explanation, and with some thought and care put into her gifts.  My step MIL has sent us some oddball gifts throughout the ages, but I always made sure we thanked her graciously, because she really did have good intentions. (There are other issues there, and I really haven't spoken to her much since my divorce and the death of my former FIL, but I appreciated that she was one of the nicer people in that family )
Soft silly music is meaningful, magical

Asharah

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #633 on: September 28, 2016, 07:44:53 PM »
Quote
So even when people know intellectually that someone is losing weight deliberately, and doing so for valid reasons, their instincts are screaming "He's getting thinner! He's sick!"

Sadly, this happened to my friend's dad.  Dad was always heavy, and he decided to go on a diet.  He lost a lot of weight, and everyone said "You look great!  You can stop now, though."  Dad said "That's the funny thing - I'm not even trying anymore, but the weight is still coming off."  It was cancer.  :(
Reminds me of an advice column story for many years. Letter writers friend, who had always been overweight, had pancreatic cancer and lost a huge amount of weight. They run into a casual acquaintance who praises friend for finally doing something about her weight and inquires about what program she used. Friend reply's "I wouldn't recommend it, I have terminal cancer."
Asharah

VorFemme

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #634 on: September 28, 2016, 09:20:52 PM »
Quote
So even when people know intellectually that someone is losing weight deliberately, and doing so for valid reasons, their instincts are screaming "He's getting thinner! He's sick!"

Sadly, this happened to my friend's dad.  Dad was always heavy, and he decided to go on a diet.  He lost a lot of weight, and everyone said "You look great!  You can stop now, though."  Dad said "That's the funny thing - I'm not even trying anymore, but the weight is still coming off."  It was cancer.  :(
Reminds me of an advice column story for many years. Letter writers friend, who had always been overweight, had pancreatic cancer and lost a huge amount of weight. They run into a casual acquaintance who praises friend for finally doing something about her weight and inquires about what program she used. Friend reply's "I wouldn't recommend it, I have terminal cancer."

I had a coworker who was out walking with her BFF...when someone had the same conversation.  BFF was not a healthy woman.
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I explain?

Shalamar

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #635 on: Yesterday at 10:21:14 AM »
I think I posted about this in the Special Snowflakes thread a while back - I had a co-worker, Kimberley, who was extremely shallow.  A friend of hers got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness - even into her third trimester, she had trouble keeping food down.  Kimberley said admiringly "You'd never even guess that she's pregnant!  In fact, I think she's lost weight!  She looks great!"  I said "Uh, that's not good - you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant."  "Whatever.  She looks good, and that's all that matters."

LadyJaneinMD

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #636 on: Today at 06:47:24 AM »
I think I posted about this in the Special Snowflakes thread a while back - I had a co-worker, Kimberley, who was extremely shallow.  A friend of hers got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness - even into her third trimester, she had trouble keeping food down.  Kimberley said admiringly "You'd never even guess that she's pregnant!  In fact, I think she's lost weight!  She looks great!"  I said "Uh, that's not good - you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant."  "Whatever.  She looks good, and that's all that matters."

Gee, sounds a lot like my mother, who was so very sick near the end of her life that she lost a great deal of weight.  She was THRILLED.  She was finally below 200 lbs for the first time since high school!   She was numb, blind, with a nearly dead liver, non-working kidneys, and a weak heart.  She was dying, but all that mattered to her was that she was going to leave a smaller corpse behind.
And that, folks, is why I don't diet for weight loss.  That's no way to live. 

Sirius

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #637 on: Today at 10:42:21 AM »
I think I posted about this in the Special Snowflakes thread a while back - I had a co-worker, Kimberley, who was extremely shallow.  A friend of hers got pregnant and had terrible morning sickness - even into her third trimester, she had trouble keeping food down.  Kimberley said admiringly "You'd never even guess that she's pregnant!  In fact, I think she's lost weight!  She looks great!"  I said "Uh, that's not good - you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant."  "Whatever.  She looks good, and that's all that matters."

When my younger sister was pregnant with her first she got very sick.  Not with morning sickness - she just kept catching things.  As I recall she only gained 7 pounds, and 6.8 pounds of that was baby.  Her doctor kept telling her, "When you're pregnant is no time to be trying to lose weight," and she finally had to tell him flatly that she was well aware of that but having strep throat for a month and a nasty case of the flu right afterward makes it hard to eat normally.  Her case of strep throat was so bad that she had to take antibiotics before she started to get better.  Apparently the doctor thought that since she was only 16 she was trying not to gain too much weight, but as she told me, "I have more sense than that."  "Baby" is now 33. 

"She looks good and that's all that matters."  Uh, no it doesn't.  Health is what matters.  What someone looks like is one of the least important things about them. 

Team HoundMom

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Re: In-Law Stories - The good, the bad and the wacky
« Reply #638 on: Today at 11:47:16 AM »
I lived with a guy from when I was 17-20 and he was just a year older than me.  One time his mother remarked that it looked like he was losing weight - totally implying that I wasn't feeding him right or something.  I remember thinking "He's a grown man. He can feed himself."  Yeah, never mind that at the time I literally weighed 98 lbs and was working minimum-wage jobs to support him and myself.  We couldn't afford food. 

I look back now as an adult and think "I was a 17 year old CHILD! I could barely look after myself, let alone another person!"  Nice, eh.