Author Topic: Being Positive with Negative People  (Read 1364 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8337
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #15 on: November 21, 2014, 09:42:53 AM »
One of her complaints involved a single cup coffee brewer that was bought by a former manager, and was not working yesterday. I offered to chip in 1/3 of the price, even though I only use it once a month. No, complainer wanted nothing to do with that. She uses it every day, but will go without rather than chip in to replace it.  :-X

GratefulMaria

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 585
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #16 on: November 21, 2014, 09:45:22 AM »
It gets so frustrating to see what I think is an obvious solution, only to have the other person come up with reasons why they can't implement it...

Years ago I was told "to define the problem is to define the solution."
I use that once in a while to a really demanding Debbie Downer.  It always gets a CBF.

I'm sorry, "CBF?"

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8953
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #17 on: November 21, 2014, 09:46:02 AM »
One of her complaints involved a single cup coffee brewer that was bought by a former manager, and was not working yesterday. I offered to chip in 1/3 of the price, even though I only use it once a month. No, complainer wanted nothing to do with that. She uses it every day, but will go without rather than chip in to replace it.  :-X

Yup. You have my CWs clone. She would do the same thing. We were out to lunch one time. Me, her and another CW. She ordered iced tea; server brought her hot tea. Cue the whining. We both said, just ask for iced! Oh no, I'll just drink this. So when the server came by, my other CW nicely asked for iced tea for her, and the server couldn't have been happier to do it. it was a minor blip, and easily fixable, but my negative CW would have just let it be, even though it wasn't waht she actually wanted!

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8953
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #18 on: November 21, 2014, 09:46:53 AM »
It gets so frustrating to see what I think is an obvious solution, only to have the other person come up with reasons why they can't implement it...

Years ago I was told "to define the problem is to define the solution."
I use that once in a while to a really demanding Debbie Downer.  It always gets a CBF.

I'm sorry, "CBF?"

Cat Behind Face - a sour face someone makes that supposedly resembles a certain portion of a cat's posterior end.

Maxie

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 38
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #19 on: November 21, 2014, 09:50:58 AM »
My senior customer is like this (I work in HR - we call the internal employees we support customers). I was joking with my boss about it. Said that if my customer was given a bucket of $$, he would say; "Well, I appreciate the bucket of $$, don't get me wrong, but I can't help but notice that my bucket is round. Peer's bucket was more of an oval. Don't you agree the buckets should be a consistent size? And $$ is nice, but really, $$$ would be better. The buckets are all red, and red is more of a negative color. I would have expected HR to think about the bucket colors. Will the buckets be a regular thing or was this a one-off? How can we manage expectations with random buckets? Is anyone looking into this? But really, sincerely, thanks for the bucket."

It is exhausting!! I just go into all interactions knowing it will start with a negative list, and that most of that is "noise" that really doesn't mean anything. I pull out what feels like a real point, address that, and ignore the rest.



GratefulMaria

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 585
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #20 on: November 21, 2014, 09:53:11 AM »
It gets so frustrating to see what I think is an obvious solution, only to have the other person come up with reasons why they can't implement it...

Years ago I was told "to define the problem is to define the solution."
I use that once in a while to a really demanding Debbie Downer.  It always gets a CBF.

I'm sorry, "CBF?"

Cat Behind Face - a sour face someone makes that supposedly resembles a certain portion of a cat's posterior end.

Oh, thank you!  Because when I Googled it, I got the Urban Dictionary definition and couldn't make it fit contextually.   :-[

Lynn2000

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 5696
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #21 on: November 21, 2014, 10:59:38 AM »
My boss really hates change and will complain about something new, for longer than it actually takes her to do it. ::) Like she's part of a professional group and they send her an email survey to fill out. The angst! The drama! Should she do it? Will it look bad if she doesn't do it? Don't they know she's always going to say everything is five-stars and never criticize anything to their face where it might actually help? This is so pointless and a waste of time! How does this even work? She has to click a link? What if there's a virus? Is this email even legit? She has to enter a number? What number? Where did it come from? Oh, it's directly above the link in the email, with the instructions she didn't read. That's so confusing! She just doesn't have time to spend figuring this out!

The usual pattern is to rant about something for about 5 minutes each day for three or four days, then when she's ready to do it, I have to come and sit in her office and watch. Then she rants about it some more, then she finally starts to do it. Then she rants about how confusing it is and clicks the buttons with the most put-upon sounds and body language she can manage. Then at the end she rants a little more. Sometimes she distracts herself so much with the ranting that she accidentally closes the survey window without submitting it, and we have to start all over again.  :'( The survey might be 5 questions long.

I think my normal attitude to this could be described as somewhere between "humor the crazy person who controls my job" and "frosty patience." I offer the occasional suggestion to get us back on track, like, "I think the number was in the email," or "I think you can leave that one blank," and otherwise don't really respond to the emotional output.
~Lynn2000

knitwicca

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 267
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2014, 11:53:25 AM »
It gets so frustrating to see what I think is an obvious solution, only to have the other person come up with reasons why they can't implement it...

Years ago I was told "to define the problem is to define the solution."
I use that once in a while to a really demanding Debbie Downer.  It always gets a CBF.

I'm sorry, "CBF?"

Cat butt face...that pursed lips, narrow-eyed, "how dare you!" look

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6782
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2014, 01:27:18 PM »
I've found overly negative people seem to avoid me. The more negative they become the more positive I become and it exhausts them.

For example, you say to the two co-workers:
You: Admin Cindy had surgery on her birthday. I think we should do something nice for her when she returns.
Negative Nancy(NN): Don't we already to something for people's birthdays?
You: Yes, but I'm sure she'd appreciate a little extra attention under the circumstances
NN: Well with the holidays, it's already so busy. I don't see how we can do it. And anyway they are cutting our year end bonus's this year and I've got 2 employees out this week.
You: Oh, doing things for others is what makes the holidays special to me, so I don't mind organizing. I hope your 2 employees will be back soon and it's not too serious. Yeah loosing the bonus money sucks but I'm glad they decided to do that instead of laying out some employees before the end of the year. Did you get your budget complete? I'm so glad mines done and we came in on trend. Shouldn't be a problem closing out year end. Talk to you later.




CrazyDaffodilLady

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1366
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2014, 07:34:48 PM »
I had a friend I loved dearly, but boy, was he negative. One day he was whining to our social group about his performance review at work.  His manager had informed him that he had a bad attitude.  Almost simultaneously, every person in the group said, "Gary, you do have a bad attitude."  He was quite incensed about this and demanded that we give him examples.  We had lots of examples, but every one of them was met with a long whining explanation of why he'd been in the right in that particular instance.  We gave up and went back to our normal bemused tolerance.  He was an intelligent guy with an amazing dark sense of humor that made it possible to put up with his negativity.

In his head, though, he wasn't negative -- he was justified. 
It takes two people to play tug of war. If you don't want to play, don't pick up the rope.

ladyknight1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8337
  • Operating the logic hammer since 1987.
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #25 on: November 21, 2014, 07:56:49 PM »
I've found overly negative people seem to avoid me. The more negative they become the more positive I become and it exhausts them.

For example, you say to the two co-workers:
You: Admin Cindy had surgery on her birthday. I think we should do something nice for her when she returns.
Negative Nancy(NN): Don't we already to something for people's birthdays?
You: Yes, but I'm sure she'd appreciate a little extra attention under the circumstances
NN: Well with the holidays, it's already so busy. I don't see how we can do it. And anyway they are cutting our year end bonus's this year and I've got 2 employees out this week.
You: Oh, doing things for others is what makes the holidays special to me, so I don't mind organizing. I hope your 2 employees will be back soon and it's not too serious. Yeah loosing the bonus money sucks but I'm glad they decided to do that instead of laying out some employees before the end of the year. Did you get your budget complete? I'm so glad mines done and we came in on trend. Shouldn't be a problem closing out year end. Talk to you later.





This is exactly what she said. I was reminded once again why I do not voluntarily spend time with her, as everything is a complaint. So many of her complaints involve other staff members being higher paid, but that is the way it is in higher ed, and there is nothing we can do about it.

cicero

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 17943
Re: Being Positive with Negative People
« Reply #26 on: November 22, 2014, 09:48:46 AM »
Oh, so that's where former CW ended up.  ::)

It's very exhausting. I started out by trying to be positive but at some point I realize that I'm getting nowhere, she is really nasty, and she's just bringing down the positive vibe in the dept. So when she got in a snit, I put on The "ignore" button. Like in your example, if she would say " but why! Don't we already do x?" I would shrug and walk away. Thankfully she quit.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools