Author Topic: Meet the baby  (Read 11169 times)

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LilacGirl1983

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #30 on: May 26, 2013, 05:58:58 PM »
Thanks for all the replies ladies. It certainly is not intended to be a gift giving occasion. We have not registered nor included registry information at all. We want it to be social and to come meet our newest little one. We wanted to give everyone a chance on day to kind of trickle in..it will be when the baby is couple weeks old. Would it be offensive to ask if they use hand sanitizer or wash before holding the baby? Not sure on the etiquette on that? Our family isn't very close so the meet the baby would give others a chance to meet him.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #31 on: May 26, 2013, 06:27:17 PM »
No, it wouldn't be offensive. Just ask politely, that's all. We ouch dirty things a million times a day and should wash our hands more. Just have it handy.

kudeebee

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #32 on: May 26, 2013, 06:29:58 PM »
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.

Huh. I would form my opinion of whether a gift is expected under circumstances surrounding it.

Simply put (for me anyway):

Baby shower = gift
Come Meet the Baby = no gift

But, mitigating circumstances:

Did I attend the shower? No? Bring a small gift to Come Meet the Baby!

Or not. Maybe I'll just come with my best wishes.

It might depend on how I feel or how poor I am when I'm making the decision.

My opinion may be affected by the fact meet the baby parties are not very common around here.  I could see if "that is what a family does", family members would know it was more of a family event, a social gathering, with the added benefit of meeting a new member of the family.  If it isn't common, guests might mistake it as a different name for a baby shower.

snowdragon

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #33 on: May 26, 2013, 08:15:32 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

NyaChan

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #34 on: May 26, 2013, 08:28:05 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.

snowdragon

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #35 on: May 26, 2013, 08:31:00 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


"there's no registry info on the invite, can you tell me what you want?" would suffice and then the parents can tell the questioner that presents are not expected.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #36 on: May 26, 2013, 08:52:17 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.

I'd say "You can if you like, you don't have to. We're looking forward to seeing you."

NyaChan

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #37 on: May 26, 2013, 08:53:15 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


"there's no registry info on the invite, can you tell me what you want?" would suffice and then the parents can tell the questioner that presents are not expected.

Except few people actually answer the question truthfully because who is actually going to say that they do expect gifts? ex:  What do you want for graduation?  Oh no, you don't need to get me anything - I just really want you to be there.  What do you guys want for your wedding - I don't see a registry.  Oh no, you don't need to get us anything, we just want you to be there to celebrate with us. 


ladyknight1

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #38 on: May 26, 2013, 10:04:06 PM »
Meet the baby parties are normal in my area and culture. Not for gift giving, but for a visit and to see the new baby.

kareng57

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #39 on: May 26, 2013, 10:36:34 PM »
I thought meet the baby events were the ehell approved alternative to showers for 2nd or more babies?  If I got an invite that I was not sure about the expectations, I'd call and find out first before deciding. ( I am not good in big groups so I do this for most parties these days.)

I would decline to hold any baby at this point for fear of dropping, so I would not be offended, just as I hope the parent would understand that I can't risk holding jnr because of an arm injury.

Maybe so for other occasions, but how many people are going to be comfortable calling a host and asking, "Now I couldn't tell from your invitation - am I supposed to buy you a gift?" 

I think the reason why I think it is better not to call it a Meet the Baby Party is because it will raise the specter of gift giving for some.  Throwing a party in general isn't going to confuse anyone.


I would think that the best bet would be to call another invitee who is close to the family, and ask his/her advice.

TootsNYC

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #40 on: May 27, 2013, 12:23:27 AM »
Honestly, if I was invited to a "meet the baby" party, I would think I would need to take a gift as well.  I wouldn't consider it a gift grab, more like a shower.

I would think I needed to bring a gift. It's a party with a guest of honor--most people think of those as something you should give a gift for.

And if *I* had a "meet the baby" party, it would probably be viewed as a bit of an attention-grab and maybe even a gift-grab, because people in my circles are not expecting such a party.

One of the cousins had the first-ever engagement party, and it was regarded as a gift grab; people had some slightly snarky things to say about it. Regardless of the fact that all the etiquette books say it's not a gift-giving occasion (but they also say the engagement is to be *announced* at the party, and that's not how it was done).

Ditto the first-ever "sweet 16" party. It was regarded as a gift-generator by the people who gave the gifts.

The danger is there.

Oddly enough, inviting people for a baptism is NOT seen as a gift grab, I think because baptisms are their own events, and the party is the afterthought. Ditto graduations, weddings, first communions, confirmations, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc. There's a ritual event that is the focus; the reception is simply the gathering that follows.

Showers and birthday parties have no other sort of ritual involved; and so they can be suspect, esp. if you're throwing your own. Ditto housewarmings--they're risky if they're handled wrong.

That's why Mom21Son and I have both suggested simply having a party of some sort (open house?) at the baby's home.

Perhaps if it's billed as an open house, and the idea that the baby will be around
("come to our open house! join us for snacks and meet the baby"), it might not run that same risk.
« Last Edit: May 27, 2013, 12:25:44 AM by TootsNYC »

bansidhe

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #41 on: May 27, 2013, 04:12:17 AM »
I would think I needed to bring a gift. It's a party with a guest of honor--most people think of those as something you should give a gift for.

Same here. I'm not familiar with the "meet the baby" party concept at all, but would figure that new baby = gift. I would not, however, regard it as a gift grab at all unless the person holding the event was obviously fishing for gifts (including registry information or gift suggestions with the invitation, for example).

Perhaps if it's billed as an open house, and the idea that the baby will be around
("come to our open house! join us for snacks and meet the baby"), it might not run that same risk.

I think this is a great way to go about it. Though a lot of folks don't regard meet the baby parties as gift grabs, it's obvious from this thread that some do. Using Toots suggestion ought to be OK for everyone invited.
Esan ozenki!

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #42 on: May 27, 2013, 04:34:20 AM »
LilacGirl,

We had a meet the baby party for our second. A few people brought gifts. Most didn't. Some people just like to celebrate a new arrival that way. Some people are simply happy to bring their good wishes.

I shouldn't worry too much about gifts. Just leave off all mention on the invitation. Some folks may be looking for other motives, but that's not something you can control and you could drive yourself sideways trying to do so. Sometimes a meet the baby party is just a way to meet the baby.

peaches

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #43 on: May 27, 2013, 05:21:19 AM »
Meet the baby parties aren't given in our family or circle of friends.

A barbecue or a get-together where a new baby also happens to be on display is more typical.

Gifts for a baby are usually mailed or taken to the first visit. Not everyone gives a gift for every baby. DH and I like to. But after a first baby, gifts might only be given by closest friends and relatives.

« Last Edit: May 27, 2013, 05:26:12 AM by peaches »

Roe

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Re: Meet the baby
« Reply #44 on: May 27, 2013, 09:49:41 AM »
Just because one thinks/feels/assumes that they should take a gift doesn't make the gathering a gift grab.