Author Topic: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.  (Read 7281 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« on: May 26, 2013, 06:27:49 PM »
I was studying in the family room while my mom was cooking.  My dad had spent the day getting items from a local farm - meat, eggs, etc.  I had voiced some hesitance to eating the eggs because the last time he brought home a turkey was...odd so I don't really trust the farm's poultry operations. 

I went to go keep my mom company and there was a small pan of scrambled eggs with onions and indian spices.  My mom asked if I wanted some and made a bite for me with some roti.  I was hungry and figured, ok, one bite won't hurt.  I ate it, and noticed my mom was a little strange in asking me how it was.  I figured it was because I had said something earlier about not wanting to eat the eggs.  I said the seasoning was nice since the texture seemed odd to me and I didn't want to hurt her feelings.  She started talking very happily about how that was exactly how they made it when she was younger and it brings back such memories to her.  I thought it was odd because she'd never made eggs like that before that I could remember.  She asked me, again in a slightly strange way if I wanted another bite.  I went ahead and said yes and took one for myself.  At this point, I went ahead and told her after she asked again "Isn't it good?" that I thought the texture was really mushy and asked how she had cooked it.  Then comes the big reveal.  They aren't eggs.  My mother has fed me brains. 

Now in case anyone is wondering, using offal is not unusual in my family.  However, it is well established that neither I nor my sister will eat anything more adventurous meats than stewed tongue and maaybe liver, no kidney, not stomach, no eyeballs - yeah I totally found one of those floating in a bowl of thawing unidentifiable meat one morning, and no brain! 

I did not get angry (outwardly), I did not yell.  I politely asked my mom not to do that again and that I did not appreciate that she tricked me into eating something she knew I would not have eaten if I had been informed properly.  Remembering discussions from ehell, I even told her that doing things like this can make it difficult for me to trust her in the future.  I even pointed out that when my dad had bought alligator gumbo, I immediately told her what was in it because I knew that my mom is more strict about religious dietary restrictions than my dad is (the claws on the alligator make it a no no for her).  She shoots back that it is completely different because that is a religious restriction, and she just wanted me to try something from her childhood, it made her so happy that I was eating it, and hadn't I said it tasted good? 

She then proceeds to ask me in a very serious, concerned voice - "Are you happy with yourself?"

That's when I lost some control - I pointed out to her that she had done something that (I think) others would have been very upset about and still had made a point of being nice about it, while she hadn't even apologized for doing it.  I said that getting upset that I had been tricked into eating brains didn't mean there was something wrong with me. 

All she'd say is she didn't see that it was a big deal, but if one of those top chefs I watch so much had made it, I would have eaten it, and lots more about how it makes her happy to share things from her childhood, and how I wouldn't have eaten it otherwise.  Out of my mouth pops:   "well I'm so glad YOU'RE happy." I finally had to leave the room when she started going on about what kind of times are these that she can't even say anything but people are demanding apologies of her.

I'm pretty upset right now, but I'm also feeling guilty.  She looked like I'd slapped her when I said that last thing, but I worry that if I apologize she'll completely ignore whatever else happened and it'll be just another time when NyaChan was bad to her poor family.

It's going to be dinner time soon so I'll have to go back downstairs - any ideas on how to handle this in a calm and polite manner?  We are having goat chops thankfully, so as long as I avoid any unidentified clumps, I should be able to navigate the food at least.

JoyinVirginia

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6091
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2013, 06:37:18 PM »
I don't know what your personal situation is, but I will share something from my history. My mother and I drove each other crazy living in the same house for more than three days after I reached adulthood. We got along much much better when I moved out. Even then, if she spent three days at MY house, my family stove her crazy.
So I recommend don't argue if you know she won't change her mind, become vegetarian when at her house, and move out as soon as you can.

MorgnsGrl

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 770
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #2 on: May 26, 2013, 06:39:00 PM »
I'm hopped up on Benadryl so that might be shaping my feelings on the matter, but I don't think you did ANYTHING wrong. You are allowed to choose to eat or not eat anything, for any reason or no reason at all, and for someone else to trick you into eating something you don't wish to consume by telling you it's one thing when it's another is NOT OKAY. It doesn't matter if the restriction is a religious one, because of a food allergy, or because you only eat beige foods on alternate Thursdays. Your body, your decision. It doesn't sound like you screamed at her or called her names, and I think what you did say was okay. I don't think you owe her an apology at all.

Amava

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4751
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #3 on: May 26, 2013, 06:44:25 PM »
I am a very adventurous eater and I would gladly have the brains. But not under the disguise of "eggs". I would be really angry at being lied to.
I would be extra angry at being lied to if I were someone who did not eat brains and if the person feeding them to me knew it.

Your mom lied, and when you politely explained to her why this was not okay, she started to guilt you ("Are you happy with yourself?")
I don't know which one I dislike more: being lied to, or being guilted.

If I were in your shoes now I am not sure if I would even join her downstairs for dinner at all. If I did, I would not speak a word until spoken to. I would not bring up the situation again: you've said your part. If she says something about it, say: "I have nothing more to say about this." Unless she turns around and genuinely apologises, of course. Then you can accept it, and who knows, maybe discuss whether there are other childhood dishes of hers that are made of stuff you do eat, and that you could enjoy together one day? But no more tricking.

If she says something about something else, I would reply in a normal manner and make conversation. You told her what she needed to be told.

Slartibartfast

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11844
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #4 on: May 26, 2013, 06:48:51 PM »
"Mom, you lied to me, and I'm still not happy about that.  If you really wanted me to try a dish from your childhood, you should have told me what was in it!  Then I could have made the decision on my own.  It's like if I made dinner and didn't tell you there had been cockroaches walking on it until after we finished - even if you enjoyed the taste at the time, you would be really mad at me for serving you something you wouldn't have eaten if you had known."

Black Delphinium

  • The Black Flower
  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 7625
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #5 on: May 26, 2013, 06:50:22 PM »
"Mom, you lied to me, and I'm still not happy about that.  If you really wanted me to try a dish from your childhood, you should have told me what was in it!  Then I could have made the decision on my own.  It's like if I made dinner and didn't tell you there had been cockroaches walking on it until after we finished - even if you enjoyed the taste at the time, you would be really mad at me for serving you something you wouldn't have eaten if you had known."
Yup.
When angels go bad, they go worse than anyone. Remember, Lucifer was an angel. ~The Marquis De Carabas

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1547
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2013, 06:56:00 PM »
I think about the only thing you can do is repeat, as sweetly as possible, "You can't trick people into eating foods and expect them to be happy about it"  or "I'm not going to discuss it any further."   

Did she tell you they were eggs or did they look like eggs and you just expected it to be eggs?  Worse if it was the former, but she still should have told you that they were brains instead of scooping you a bite without warning.  I don't blame you at all for your reaction.  First she fed you something she knew you would not eat and would not take kindly to eating, then she guilted you for being unhappy about it.  NOT COOL.   

Thipu1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6895
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2013, 07:32:46 PM »
Things like this have been discussed many times.  It is NOT okay to trick people with food to which they have an allergy or aversion. 

It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.  If anyone should know what an adult child will and will not eat, it should be that person's mother.

If that trick were pulled on me, I would  let my mother know flat out that this sort of trickery is not acceptable.  Respect for elders is  all well and good.  Trickery like this on the part of someone deserves to be  addressed. 

AmethystAnne

  • mom, grandmother, and an enthusaistic knitter & crocheter (formerly Laura___)
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3939
  • So much yarn, not nearly enough time! :D
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #8 on: May 26, 2013, 07:47:41 PM »
NyaChan, I think you did fine. I understand your feelings about the bait-and-switch.  :o

<slight thread jack>
please, could you edit your title to warn others about your topic?

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #9 on: May 26, 2013, 07:50:46 PM »
So I recommend don't argue if you know she won't change her mind, become vegetarian when at her house, and move out as soon as you can.

This! If you can't trust your mom not to respect what you will and won't eat, then don't tempt her.

Also, when I was living at home as an adult, I frequently didn't eat what my parents were cooking, or they'd "forget" (honestly not sure if it was intentional for the first few weeks, but after that it definitely was) that I was there and didn't cook for me. To this day, my sister and I can't trust my dad to remember which of us has what food allergies and we have to question him on everything he makes for us.

Is it feasible for you to just cook for yourself and join them at the table for dinner time? Or even just eat on your own? It might be worth looking into, and if you're questioned on it, just say you're practicing for when you move out. After all, you won't have your mom and dad there to make all your meals for you then.

KB

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 196
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #10 on: May 26, 2013, 08:39:12 PM »
It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.

I'm afraid I don't see the difference in these two situations. In both cases the person is being 'tricked' into eating something under the guise of something else. Could you please explain how you see them differently?

missmolly

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2390
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #11 on: May 26, 2013, 08:53:49 PM »
It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.

I'm afraid I don't see the difference in these two situations. In both cases the person is being 'tricked' into eating something under the guise of something else. Could you please explain how you see them differently?

Unless someone asks for the recipe I tend not to list every ingredient in a dish I have made, so in the case of revealing a secret ingredient I don't see it as being sneaky or underhanded. However, telling someone that something is X when it is actually Y is and outright lie.
"Any idiot can face a crisis, it is this day-to-day living that wears you out". Chekhov.

Thipu1

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6895
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2013, 09:01:43 PM »
It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.

I'm afraid I don't see the difference in these two situations. In both cases the person is being 'tricked' into eating something under the guise of something else. Could you please explain how you see them differently?

I see them as differently because the people eating the 'surprise' cake are known not to have an aversion or allergy to the secret ingredient. Before eating the cake, they're told it contains a secret ingredient.  This sort of thing was quite common in the 1960s and was considered a novelty.

  Passing off brains as eggs when the cook knows that the person eating them does not eat brains is something quite different. 

m2kbug

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1547
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2013, 10:00:37 PM »
It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.

I'm afraid I don't see the difference in these two situations. In both cases the person is being 'tricked' into eating something under the guise of something else. Could you please explain how you see them differently?

Thipu1 already answered, but when I read her comment, I read it as something like cabbage or tomato are common, "normal" foods that someone may not eat because they just don't taste good to them and are not known to be offensive, disgusting, or against dietary restrictions and preferences.  One is sneaky, one is a surprise.

HappilyInsane

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 185
Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #14 on: May 26, 2013, 10:26:05 PM »
My Great Grandmother did the exact same thing to me. Pork brains in scrambled eggs. Actually they were pretty good as I recall, but I've yet to eat them again and doubt I will. I was a very picky eater as a child (more so with meats than anything else,) and she knew being sneaky was the only way to get me to try new things. She never tried to feed me anything that would harm me though.

I guess I've just never really seen this as a big deal. My family knew it was the only way to get me to eat any meat other than chicken, hot dogs and ground beef. I don't have any food allergies and now I enjoy trying new things. I think it's more of a personal deal, but if it bothers you that much, you have the right to speak up.