Author Topic: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.  (Read 7214 times)

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Coley

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #15 on: May 27, 2013, 06:41:09 AM »
Your mother intentionally tricked you, and you didn't appreciate being tricked. You told your mother how you felt. Her response was to deflect the responsibility for her behavior back to you. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I agree with PPs who suggest that you should decline to discuss the topic again if she brings it up. If she apologizes, that's fine.

FWIW, I have a low-calorie brownie recipe that calls for black beans. I've made them several times. No one would know there are black beans in the brownies unless I told them. It's an unusual ingredient, but the brownies are still brownies. I'm not serving black beans and calling them brownies. It would be the same if I baked a cake and substituted applesauce for the butter, oil or eggs in the recipe. It's still a cake. Brains are not eggs.

TootsNYC

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2013, 10:00:19 AM »

FWIW, I have a low-calorie brownie recipe that calls for black beans. I've made them several times. No one would know there are black beans in the brownies unless I told them. It's an unusual ingredient, but the brownies are still brownies. I'm not serving black beans and calling them brownies. It would be the same if I baked a cake and substituted applesauce for the butter, oil or eggs in the recipe. It's still a cake. Brains are not eggs.

Do be careful!

Legumes are an allergen--peanuts are legumes, and people who are allergic to peanuts can be allergic to other legumes.

So you really should be disclosing those beans. *ESPECIALLY* because they are such an unusual ingredient that someone being offered your brownies would probably not think to ask.  (They *might* think to ask about peanut butter, but they might not even ask about that, bcs they'd think you'd mention it.)

MamaMootz

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #17 on: May 27, 2013, 10:16:31 AM »
If it were me, I'd not have hesitated to get angry with her for tricking me into eating this. You post a lot about your mom, and she tramples all over your boundaries on a regular basis.

You've tried to reason with her before, with the same result - she still turns it back around on you and blames you for whatever it is she did. I think it's high time TO get angry as perhaps that will get the message across to her that this kind of behavior will no longer be tolerated.

Someone lied to me about what I was eating and tricked me into eating something like brains? Heck yes, I'd be angry and I'd have no trouble showing it, either.

Sorry I don't mean to come across as hostile in my post, Nya, but this kind of behavior makes me so frustrated.
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MrTango

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #18 on: May 27, 2013, 10:36:29 AM »
I would have gone ballistic.  Etiquette would fly out the window if someone intentionally messed with my food.

Also, even after I calmed down, I would never apologize for my reaction, and I would never, ever eat food prepared or handled by that person again.

ClaireC79

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #19 on: May 27, 2013, 11:40:40 AM »
Did your mother actually say they were scrambled eggs? or did you just assume?

If she said they were eggs that's completely wrong, if she just asked if you wanted 'some' of whatever she was cooking I think the onus was on you to ask what it was

perpetua

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #20 on: May 27, 2013, 12:18:20 PM »
Did your mother actually say they were scrambled eggs? or did you just assume?

If she said they were eggs that's completely wrong, if she just asked if you wanted 'some' of whatever she was cooking I think the onus was on you to ask what it was

Agreed - I don't see anything in the OP that indicates the mother said they were actually eggs.

Also, aren't brains grey/beige and scrambled eggs yellow? I'm not sure how they could be confused.

Never thought I'd ever write *that* sentence.

NyaChan

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #21 on: May 27, 2013, 12:30:43 PM »
Did your mother actually say they were scrambled eggs? or did you just assume?

If she said they were eggs that's completely wrong, if she just asked if you wanted 'some' of whatever she was cooking I think the onus was on you to ask what it was

Agreed - I don't see anything in the OP that indicates the mother said they were actually eggs.

Also, aren't brains grey/beige and scrambled eggs yellow? I'm not sure how they could be confused.

Never thought I'd ever write *that* sentence.

I referred to them as eggs before I ate them, and she did not correct me.  As in, "You made eggs?"  and she responded "Want to try/have a bite?"  She then made a bite with roti for me and handed it to me to eat.  I don't think this was a case of her not realizing the mistake, because she clearly heard me call them eggs and she said that she knew if she had told me, I wouldn't have eaten them.  It was cooked with onions, garlic/ginger, and green chilies so that distorts the color and my mom often cooks eggs to brown anyways when she is cooking them with indian spices. 

PeterM

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2013, 01:20:59 PM »
I referred to them as eggs before I ate them, and she did not correct me.  As in, "You made eggs?"  and she responded "Want to try/have a bite?"  She then made a bite with roti for me and handed it to me to eat.  I don't think this was a case of her not realizing the mistake, because she clearly heard me call them eggs and she said that she knew if she had told me, I wouldn't have eaten them.  It was cooked with onions, garlic/ginger, and green chilies so that distorts the color and my mom often cooks eggs to brown anyways when she is cooking them with indian spices.

I think she intentionally deceived you but also that the situation is ambiguous enough that she can play it off as a misunderstanding and pretend to be the victim. From now on you should always ask enough questions that you know what's going on. Make them as simple as possible, yes or no, and if she accuses you of not trusting you just admit that that's the case.

Gyburc

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #23 on: May 28, 2013, 06:59:55 AM »
(((Nyachan))) Your mother was horribly sneaky, and then horribly manipulative afterwards. Like you, I'm not particularly picky about offal, and have happily eaten all kinds of organs with foreknowledge, but I think I would feel pretty ill if I realised I had eaten brains.

I think you should make sure you can keep your temper, and then tell your mother calmly that she deceived you into eating something she knew you would not want to eat, and that this is simply not OK. If she tries to argue, just keep repeating yourself. Personally, I would take this as the cue to refuse to eat anything she offers from now on (or at least until she gives you a sincere apology) but this might not be feasible for you.

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Cami

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2013, 10:28:13 AM »
Things like this have been discussed many times.  It is NOT okay to trick people with food to which they have an allergy or aversion. 

It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.  If anyone should know what an adult child will and will not eat, it should be that person's mother.

If that trick were pulled on me, I would  let my mother know flat out that this sort of trickery is not acceptable.  Respect for elders is  all well and good.  Trickery like this on the part of someone deserves to be  addressed.
I don't see any difference between substituting sauerkraut and brains. Both are lies and trickery.

I can tell you that it did not go over well at my workplace a few months ago when at a potluck a coworker substituted sugar beets for sugar in brownies. He did not tell anyone until everyone had taken a bite and then was quite pleased with his "surprise." NO one else was pleased because (1) no one liked them and (2) no one likes to be tricked when it comes to food. It's not funny. Everyone was angry and no one will eat the food he brings in any more.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2013, 10:36:19 AM by Cami »

Jones

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #25 on: May 28, 2013, 10:37:43 AM »
The first thing I thought of after reading the thread title and story was , Why not give her a piece of your mind? She gave you a serving of hers.  :P


dawbs

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #26 on: May 28, 2013, 10:38:18 AM »
One of the stupid things about this 'trick' is that you can't win.

If someoen puts a dish in front of you and says "how do you like it?" NO ONE (okay, almost no one) answers "well, it's awful.  Frankly"
Of COURSE you said it was 'ok'.  Even if it tasted like pickled fingernails, youd probably say "OK" when directly asked.

Thipu1

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2013, 10:53:41 AM »
Things like this have been discussed many times.  It is NOT okay to trick people with food to which they have an allergy or aversion. 

It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.  If anyone should know what an adult child will and will not eat, it should be that person's mother.

If that trick were pulled on me, I would  let my mother know flat out that this sort of trickery is not acceptable.  Respect for elders is  all well and good.  Trickery like this on the part of someone deserves to be  addressed.
I don't see any difference between substituting sauerkraut and brains. Both are lies and trickery.

I can tell you that it did not go over well at my workplace a few months ago when at a potluck a
coworker substituted sugar beets for sugar in brownies. He did not tell anyone until everyone had taken a bite and then was quite pleased with his "surprise." NO one else was pleased because (1) no one liked them and (2) no one likes to be tricked when it comes to food. It's not funny. Everyone
 was angry and no one will eat the food he brings in any more.

I do see a difference but it depends on the audience.

Although the intention may have been good, the substitution of brains for eggs was quite a mean trick intended to deceive.  The addition of sauerkraut to a chocolate cake or black beans to brownies is intended to be an amusing surprise that all involved would enjoy once the secret is learned. 

Halfway between these extremes, I wonder about all the recent articles urging parents to sneak vegetables into foods their children like to eat.  Is this defensible or not? 


LeveeWoman

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #28 on: May 28, 2013, 11:00:09 AM »
Things like this have been discussed many times.  It is NOT okay to trick people with food to which they have an allergy or aversion. 

It's one thing to reveal that the delicious chocolate cake someone just enjoyed contains sauerkraut or green tomatoes.  It's quite another to present brains under the guise of eggs.  If anyone should know what an adult child will and will not eat, it should be that person's mother.

If that trick were pulled on me, I would  let my mother know flat out that this sort of trickery is not acceptable.  Respect for elders is  all well and good.  Trickery like this on the part of someone deserves to be  addressed.
I don't see any difference between substituting sauerkraut and brains. Both are lies and trickery.

I can tell you that it did not go over well at my workplace a few months ago when at a potluck a
coworker substituted sugar beets for sugar in brownies. He did not tell anyone until everyone had taken a bite and then was quite pleased with his "surprise." NO one else was pleased because (1) no one liked them and (2) no one likes to be tricked when it comes to food. It's not funny. Everyone
 was angry and no one will eat the food he brings in any more.

I do see a difference but it depends on the audience.

Although the intention may have been good, the substitution of brains for eggs was quite a mean trick intended to deceive.  The addition of sauerkraut to a chocolate cake or black beans to brownies is intended to be an amusing surprise that all involved would enjoy once the secret is learned. 

Halfway between these extremes, I wonder about all the recent articles urging parents to sneak vegetables into foods their children like to eat.  Is this defensible or not?

Yes, it's defensible because the parents of minors have an obligation to nurture their bodies. What NyaChan's mother did, however, is not remotely close to what they do.

DavidH

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Re: Trying not to give mom a piece of my mind.
« Reply #29 on: May 28, 2013, 11:30:30 AM »
The odd ingredient in a cake is, to me, different if it is not something likely to be objected to, like the apple sauce vs. butter, salt in caramel, even a tomato although I'm not seeing how that would be good, or something like that.  Rarely is one asked the recipe before taking a bite, but if you were asked, I think you need to reveal all that went into it.   

I think it was clear to all involved that you thought it was eggs and wouldn't have eaten it if you thought it was brains.  I'd probably go down to dinner, go to the kitchen and make something I wanted to eat.  Your mother will no doubt ask why you are not eating the dinner she cooked and the answer is plain; you don't trust her to prepare food and tell you what it is.  It seems such a clear violation, the solution is to cook for yourself in the future.