Author Topic: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter  (Read 32523 times)

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Sharnita

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #90 on: May 30, 2013, 07:52:07 AM »
I'm not at all sure it is coming from him, primarily.  It could easily be coming from mom who wants validation for her choices and their impact on others.

veronaz

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #91 on: May 30, 2013, 11:08:30 AM »
Yeah, I think Mom had a lot to do with what happened.  Maybe she didnt actually send the text messages, but shes obviously been talking a lot .(OP) blames me for the marriage breakup.  It would be nice if you met her and had the chance to talk, etc., etc.


alis

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #92 on: May 30, 2013, 01:51:57 PM »
I agree that mom has likely encouraged the sending of these messages. I imagine that mom has no idea how much her separation and new boyfriend has impacted the long-standing family unit (head in the clouds) and wants everyone to hold hands and sing around the world... been there done that with mind. Advice still stands, ask them to not contact you again. If you're still reading, that is :)

RooRoo

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #93 on: May 30, 2013, 06:10:54 PM »
Hollyandra, please give us an update!
"Someday we must write a book of Etiquette for sensible people," said Mrs. Morland, "though apart from a few rules it really boils down to an educated mind and a kind heart." ~ Angela Thirkell, Never Too Late

Nebraska Jones

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #94 on: June 06, 2013, 06:40:49 PM »
Update?   :)

gmatoy

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #95 on: June 06, 2013, 11:25:41 PM »
Add me to the update chain! ;D

Otterpop

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #96 on: June 07, 2013, 07:11:23 PM »
Me too!  :D

Snooks

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #97 on: June 08, 2013, 06:42:00 AM »
Given the poster hasn't been online since the day after she posted this and her other question I don't think we'll be getting an answer.

Hollyandra

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Hi all,

Apologies for the months of silence, unfortunately this story doesn't have a happy ending and I've been a bit too upset to come back and post an update.

I didn't reply to Robert and Ally, instead I called my mother and asked her if she would like to meet for coffee the next day as I wanted to have a chat (I felt a face to face meeting would be best to clear all of this up). I suggested a cafe or even my place as I thought it best that we had the discussion when Robert wasn't around (I didn't mention that to her though).

She said yes, however the next morning she texted me about 10 minutes before she was due to arrive and cancelled and suggested another time. I didn't hear from her for a week, although I texted her asking if we could reschedule. Finally after a week's silence I received the following voice message from her:

"Holly, I must say that I am throughly disappointed and upset with you. You were extremely rude to both Robert and Ally who were only trying to welcome you into our family with open arms. You need to stop being so dingdangity selfish and accept that they are a important part of my life now, I spent 24 years taking care of you and I deserve happiness. Robert has been good to me. He loves me and he takes care of me. He is a good person. I honestly can't believe my daughter is trying to deny me happiness"

Then she hung up.

I was really worried and I started thinking that Robert had forced her to say it so I went to check up on her, she wasn't home. So I called my Aunt Jane who said that mom was fine and having afternoon tea at hers.


I haven't heard a thing from Mom since then. It was my birthday on August 7 and I didn't hear anything from her. I texted her and emailed her for weeks begging to talk. I wasn't too sure if I should have given her space, but at the time I was trying to salvage our relationship. Auntie Jane, my dad, my brother and sister have been supporting me through this and trying to persuade my mother to talk to me.

Naturally I'm a mess over this, but I'm trying to get on with my life best I can.

Auntie Jane is trying to talk to Mom again when she gets back from Hawaii next week, so hopefully we can resolve this peacefully.

Will update you all asap.

 :)

« Last Edit: August 18, 2013, 11:04:14 PM by Hollyandra »

weeblewobble

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #99 on: August 18, 2013, 11:02:13 PM »
I am so so sorry. This is not a happy update.  Your mother is behaving very badly, not to mention irrationally.  Big hugs.  You're lovely.  You don't deserve this.

Twik

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #100 on: August 18, 2013, 11:07:15 PM »
Oh dear.

A mother tells her daughter that her new man and his child are trying to welcome daughter into "our" family? That's rather an odd phrasing.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Hollyandra

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #101 on: August 18, 2013, 11:17:19 PM »
Thank you.

It's just a really terrible situation and I keep going over and over in my head as to whether I should have done something differently.

I just wonder if she even misses me.
« Last Edit: August 18, 2013, 11:22:52 PM by Hollyandra »

Cz. Burrito

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #102 on: August 18, 2013, 11:25:28 PM »
That's a rather extreme reaction to an invitation to chat over coffee.  :(
Sorry you're going through this.

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #103 on: August 18, 2013, 11:34:14 PM »
Oh dear.

A mother tells her daughter that her new man and his child are trying to welcome daughter into "our" family? That's rather an odd phrasing.

Twik, yes I noticed that too! Makes it sound like the OP's mum, Robert and Ally are now "the family", and that the poor OP is the outsider who needs to be welcomed into the fold.

(((hugs))) to the OP. Sadly, your mum is behaving completely selfishly. You have done nothing wrong. I am glad your siblings, dad and aunt are supporting you in all this.

I suppose you could send a brief email or letter to your mum. You could say:

"Dear Mum,

I was very surprised to receive your voicemail message, and even more surprised that you have chosen to ignore my previous attempts to contact you.

Please understand that I accept that Robert and Ally are part of your life. Please understand that I am glad you are happy.

Now I am asking you to understand me. I am not ready to meet Robert and Ally. It's too soon for me. I'm still adjusting to the divorce. In time - say [insert timeframe here] I would be happy to meet with them. But not at this point in time. 

Love, Hollyandra"

Otterpop

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #104 on: August 18, 2013, 11:43:08 PM »
All you did was ask your mother to meet for coffee and she's cut you out of her life?  This man and his daughter are her family now?  That is extreme.

Don't beat yourself up.  Your mother is under bad influence and is no longer playing with full deck.  You were only asking to speak to her before proceeding.  There's nothing you could have done better.  So sorry.
 
« Last Edit: August 18, 2013, 11:47:16 PM by Otterpop »