Author Topic: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter  (Read 34582 times)

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Twik

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #45 on: May 27, 2013, 07:20:15 PM »
Why am I reminded of the baby on Dinosaurs going "Gotta love me!"?

Seriously, this is overstepping boundaries but more importantly it is rushing intimacy beyond all normal standards. You may have to love infants, but not grown men and putative stepsisters  of indeterminate age. I wonder if he's rushed your Mom the same way. If so, you should watch for the inevitable end game of people who want to be loved before you get to know them. It's usually not on the up and up.
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Otterpop

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #46 on: May 27, 2013, 08:02:40 PM »
Why am I reminded of the baby on Dinosaurs going "Gotta love me!"?

Seriously, this is overstepping boundaries but more importantly it is rushing intimacy beyond all normal standards. You may have to love infants, but not grown men and putative stepsisters  of indeterminate age. I wonder if he's rushed your Mom the same way. If so, you should watch for the inevitable end game of people who want to be loved before you get to know them. It's usually not on the up and up.

Yep this.  He may be rushing your mother the same way.  That is a big red flag.

katycoo

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #47 on: May 27, 2013, 10:35:58 PM »
Honestly - this would would assure me that I never want to meet this man. He has no call to make digs at the OP's dad and if anyone took a swipe at my father, there would be ehell to pay.

 I would be responding - 'dear robert, do not contact me again - and tell your daughter the same. the comments you made about my father were unwarranted and unappreciated. I am having your number blocked'   

I would ask mom if she gave my number to this stranger (to me) and if so I would be livid.

Hang on, as much as I agree the messages are inappropriate, Robert did NOT make any digs about the OP's father, or any comment about him per se at all.  He said that OP's mother wasn't happy in her relationship with him - which is a comment about OP's mother, not OP's father.
Lets not read into things whcih weren't said.

snowdragon

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #48 on: May 27, 2013, 10:49:40 PM »
Honestly - this would would assure me that I never want to meet this man. He has no call to make digs at the OP's dad and if anyone took a swipe at my father, there would be ehell to pay.

 I would be responding - 'dear robert, do not contact me again - and tell your daughter the same. the comments you made about my father were unwarranted and unappreciated. I am having your number blocked'   

I would ask mom if she gave my number to this stranger (to me) and if so I would be livid.

Hang on, as much as I agree the messages are inappropriate, Robert did NOT make any digs about the OP's father, or any comment about him per se at all.  He said that OP's mother wasn't happy in her relationship with him - which is a comment about OP's mother, not OP's father.
Lets not read into things whcih weren't said.

Quote
1. Hi Holly. It's Robert, your mum's man. Just wanted to let you know that you shouldn't blame your mum for the failed relationship. She wasn't happy with your dad so it's good I came along when I did. She's much happier now! Anyway look forward to meeting you when you're ready.

Per the bolded -  could be taken as "blame dad since he didn't make her happy." And that is a dig at dad, especially when followed up by the italicized. 

And I am not the only one who read them that way ( there are at least 3 references to this being a "dig", a "slight" or "nasty" before mine. If I were the only one reading it that way - I might re-evaluate.

 

amylouky

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #49 on: May 27, 2013, 10:59:04 PM »
Wow. I'd be tempted to reply with, "I'm sorry, that won't be possible as I am still grieving the loss of my family."

LifeOnPluto

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #50 on: May 27, 2013, 11:32:28 PM »
Wow. Definitely show the messages to your mum. But - as a PP stated - be prepared for the unfortunate possibility that she'll take Robert and Ally's side, and claim they did nothing wrong in sending you the texts.

I like the idea of sending back a very short, neutral response to Robert and Ally, saying that you aren't ready to meet them yet. I wouldn't ignore them altogether, or send back a "how dare you contact me?" type message, as who knows what will happen in the future? It's possible your mum WILL end up marrying Robert. In which case, they WILL be your family, and you will have to spend time with them at some point.

Oh, and ((hugs)). This is a sucky situation that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

*inviteseller

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #51 on: May 27, 2013, 11:34:14 PM »
It was a dig at her dad...her dad wasn't able to make her happy, but looky looky I am making her so happy!  This guy sets me creep-o meter off, so does his over the top daughter.  The steppie comment is just weird..I have never heard anyone talk like that!  Something tells me, OP, that you and your siblings need to stay far,far,far away from this guy. 

sammycat

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #52 on: May 27, 2013, 11:59:51 PM »
It was a dig at her dad...her dad wasn't able to make her happy, but looky looky I am making her so happy!  This guy sets me creep-o meter off, so does his over the top daughter.  The steppie comment is just weird..I have never heard anyone talk like that!  Something tells me, OP, that you and your siblings need to stay far,far,far away from this guy.

I agree!

poundcake

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #53 on: May 28, 2013, 04:18:56 AM »
Quote
But - as a PP stated - be prepared for the unfortunate possibility that she'll take Robert and Ally's side, and claim they did nothing wrong in sending you the texts.

That's what I'm afraid of, too. That OP's mom told New Boyfriend that OP wasn't ready yet. And New Boyfriend said "Why don't I send her a nice friendly text introducing myself? And OP's mom, with stars in her eyes, went, "What a brilliant idea!" And now Holly is the one who seems unreasonable when "it was just a text!" or something.

But I also agree with others with the 1) don't respond at all, 2) block their numbers and 3) ask your mother what is up and make it clear that this was uncomfortable and unacceptable, and stick to that! Otherwise, whether it comes from your mother or from Robert, someone will push until you're sitting at a "family" BBQ where this guy bends your ear about how happy he makes your mom.  :-\

ClaireC79

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #54 on: May 28, 2013, 04:32:26 AM »
I'm not convinced from the OP that the OP explained SHE was unready - I read it as the siblings said they weren't ready and she decided to display a united front

cicero

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #55 on: May 28, 2013, 04:40:39 AM »
I'm not convinced from the OP that the OP explained SHE was unready - I read it as the siblings said they weren't ready and she decided to display a united front

from the OP:

Mother got into a new relationship 3 months later. Last week, she asked my siblings (Brother is 14 and Sister is 17) and I if we wanted to meet her new boyfriend. My brother and sister didn't want to and I thought it would be better if we all met him together at the right time. I politely explained this and said that seeing as it had only been 4 1/2 months since our parents had separated it felt a little too soon and perhaps to give it a few more months.

it looks like she *did* explain it to her mother.


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ClaireC79

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #56 on: May 28, 2013, 04:49:24 AM »
I read it slightly differently, and focused on a different part than you highlighted - the 'My brother and sister didn't want to and I thought it would be better if we all met him together at the right time'

I do think the texts were out of line (exception for the daughter if she had been told the OP wanted to meet her) and it doesn't matter WHY she doesn't want to meet him yet but if the texts weren't also sent to the siblings that the mother may have a slightly skewed idea

Gyburc

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #57 on: May 28, 2013, 06:30:25 AM »
Good grief. I can sort of see why the daughter (and the new boyfriend) might want to reach out to you, but it's way, way too much and way, way too soon.  I don't see anything necessarily sinister in either text, even the boyfriend's - he may be picking up on some of your mother's anxieties and trying to mend fences on her behalf, but it honestly isn't his place.

OP, I'm sure you've checked this already, but I really hope they haven't sent similar texts to your brother and sister. I can see that getting terribly painful for all concerned. I agree with the PPs - do talk to your mother about this and ask her to tell boyfriend and daughter not to contact you again. The response will show you whether you need to start worrying.

(Regarding the 'way too soon' comment above, my mother died in 2009 and Dad remarried last year. Very fortunately, he has married a lovely woman with whom I'm becoming good friends. But even so, when he first let me know he was dating her it was a Big Deal for me. And I'm 39!)

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faithlessone

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #58 on: May 28, 2013, 06:57:26 AM »
I agree with the PPs. Both of these texts were way beyond boundaries, and you need to talk to your mum, OP.

One question - you say your siblings are 17 & 14, how old are you? How old is Allie? Is it possible that Robert/your mum think that you're more open to this new relationship, and they're trying to gauge how much?

Roe

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Re: Awkward Texts From Mother's New Boyfriend and His Daughter
« Reply #59 on: May 28, 2013, 08:17:58 AM »
I'm really curious as to what happens now.  My parents divorced and it was hard adjusting to the "new" normal but had my mom's boyfriend done something like this to me, I never would've been able to accept his presence in my life.  Luckily, he knew when to step back and let us adjust.  As a result, our family still misses him.  (he passed away about three years ago) 

OP, any updates?