Author Topic: Situation. ..  (Read 8330 times)

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Hollanda

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Situation. ..
« on: May 27, 2013, 06:26:21 AM »
BG: Mother in law has a partner shes been with for years.  He's always been good to us and we've had a good relationship.  However,  since New Years Eve, K has been acting somewhat inappropriately towards me. Nothing I could put my finger on. K is only 10 years older than me. End BG.

MIL visited over the weekend.  On Saturday night we had a few drinks and chatted wheb DS went to bed. All seemed ok until I went into the kitchen to refill MIL's wine. K followed me. He then made a pass at me, and told me he had always fancied me.   "Why would I want to do that?" Was all I could say. Really,  what?! I made it clear that I was just not interested.

Anyway. ..I told DH. K would just not leave it yesterday.  I tried avoiding being alone with him. But every single time MIL left the room, he'd try again to break me down.  When he heard I'd told DH, he wasn't happy.  To cut a long story short,  he lied to MIL. Said I'd come on to him. MIL believed him. Fine. 

Etiquette question.  Is there anything I can do?  DH said no, leave it. I really don't want to leave things this way. I adore MIL. It breaks my heart she thinks I would do that to her and DH. I'm hurt and angry.  They left this morning before I'd got up! They left at 7am.

Dh believes me completely.  This has floored him. Had it been a one off,  I could put it down to him being drunk.  But the harassment and the lies...no.

This is a mess. B
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MariaE

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2013, 06:53:26 AM »
I'd leave it. Chances are that MIL does believe you on some level, but admitting to it would mean having to face some unpleasant truths about her own relationship. It's easier to play ostrich.

I know you didn't ask for them, but *hugs* - what an awful situation.
 
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Venus193

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2013, 07:30:40 AM »
I agree.  The only alternative would be to have your DH talk to his mother, but only you and he can determine whether that would be effective.

Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2013, 07:36:48 AM »
 :( MIL was not kind to me last night. I'm just so upset and...angry with him. He's ruined everything.  I feel awful. 
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sammycat

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2013, 07:48:27 AM »
You haven't done anything to feel awful about. This is not your fault. (HUGS)

Personally, this would be a cut direct situation for me. Not so much for the boyfriend making the pass, but MIL basically calling me a liar over something so serious and her other actions in the aftermath.

aussie_chick

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2013, 08:29:08 AM »
Agree with Sammycat completely. You have done nothing wrong.
I'm not sure there is a need for etiquette when dealing with unwelcome advances - particularly those from people who are in relationships with someone else and who know you're in a relationship!
I'd be clear on him not being welcome in your home again and perhaps avoid MIL too given her treatment of you.
Agree with previous poster than on some level she probably does believe you but it's hard for her to deal with given the length of their relationship. Still no reason/excuse to treat you poorly.

Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2013, 11:12:29 AM »
Some decisions have been made by me. Never again will I allow hin to be alone with me. And strictly no wine around him. I don't care whether they drink but I need a clear head. DH agrees totally.  And should he ever touch me again,  MIL will be told immediately and no further contact with them. Im furious. He's an idiot.
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Hillia

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2013, 11:53:37 AM »
If he manages to be near you again and try something inappropriate, make a Huge Fuss.  'K  What are you doing?  Stop touching me RIGHT NOW'  'K!  Why do you keep asking me that - I've told you I'm not interested!'  He's counting on you to not make a fuss so that he can deny everything.

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Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2013, 12:03:32 PM »
You can bet on that Hilia.  I'm hoping things with MIL will calm down but not betting on it.

SIL and BiL dislike him too. It makes me wonder whether he's done anything like this before.  He swore to me that he's never been unfaithful before but I don't buy that.  He's creepy. 
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2013, 12:10:46 PM »
He would never be allowed into my home again.

Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #10 on: May 27, 2013, 12:16:15 PM »
He would never be allowed into my home again.

I'm very tempted not to have them over again. Thinking things over.
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JacklynHyde

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #11 on: May 27, 2013, 12:27:50 PM »
Considering your MIL is siding with her partner, at least for now, the decision to refrain from contact may be hers and not yours.  I'm so sorry it has come to this.

Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #12 on: May 27, 2013, 12:31:26 PM »
There is nothing more I can do for now. ..just wait it out.  It is sad, I love MIL. :-( and DS loves his Grandma. He's the reason I'm being very careful.
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LeveeWoman

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #13 on: May 27, 2013, 12:33:56 PM »
He would never be allowed into my home again.

I'm very tempted not to have them over again. Thinking things over.

He tried to get you into bed every time your mother-in-law left the room! On top of this, he lied about it.

You don't have to announce it if you choose to never have them at your home again. Just don't invite them.

Hollanda

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Re: Situation. ..
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2013, 12:46:57 PM »
Ewww my skin crawls when I think about it.  FGS, he's MIL's BOYFRIEND!! He came to our wedding. DH has noticed him behaving oddly around me for a while now.

I felt sorry for MIL when he lied to her. But for her to just believe him shocked me. DH had just gone to bed.  I was following. She just shut me off, with "I have nothing to say to you. " That hurt.Then they just left before I even got up! ! DH said they played with DS and then left. That strikes me as rude and cowardly.  They couldn't even face me. After inviting themselves over in the first place.

Oh this isn't going to be easy.

I wanted so much to just put it down to him being drunk and making a stupid mistake.  Not an excuse but better than the reality.
Knowledge is knowing tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.