An old friend of mine got passes to a conference in my city and went on Facebook soliciting a free place to stay. No one but me offered.
After he accepted this offer, I realized that the day he intended to leave was also the day I was leaving for several days, and maybe if he extended his stay for a few days, I wouldn't have to pay for a petsitter. BACKGROUND: the houseguest is unemployed, so this would not involve taking time off work. Also, I live in the middle of San Francisco, a popular destination city with lots to do.
I asked about this, and the houseguest said he'd already booked his train tickets and it would be expensive to change. I asked how much it would be to change, since I might be willing to pay that. The houseguest then got cranky, saying that "all this back and forth on the interwebz is driving me crazy" and demanding I call him. "telephone >> interwebz."
I was kind of taken aback that two messages, both very friendly in tone and one offering to pay for an expense, was "all this back and forth on the interwebz", enough to drive someone crazy. I dropped the request about the petsitting. The houseguest did what I would call "mansplaining", giving me unsolicited advice about people it would be more appropriate for me to ask for petsitting. (One was a very unstable woman who is so verbally abusive towards me that I have blocked her email, another was a woman I met ONCE three years ago and never saw again-- and he knows this!, and the third was another woman who is going through a divorce, has small children, and is starting her own business AND who lives about 25 minutes drive away at the best of traffic times. All people it would be insane for me to ask to do me favors).
After this, I was feeling irritable and less welcoming. Now today is the day that the houseguest arrives, and I have done some tidying. I arranged my schedule to wait for him to come and then do other stuff I have to do. I come home from driving my daughter to school to get a message that he has arranged for another friend to meet him (when and where I was expecting to meet him) and that they are "going out for breakies" and I can join them. I do not have the time to go out "for breakies" today, and also I'm on a very limited budget and can't afford to go out all the time. It also irked me greatly that he would assume I have nothing but time and he can change the prior plans (me meet him on his arrival, drive him to my house) to having someone else come get him and go for a leisurely breakfast in a restaurant.
Am I being too cranky? I'm regretting offering to have him stay here. I sent a note about the "breakies" saying "No, I was waiting for you to get here and then I have somewhere to go. This throws my schedule off. Please don't assume that I have nothing but time to accommodate whatever you want with no notice." Now he says he won't go for breakfast but he's still having this friend drive him here, who will want to come in. I offered to hide a key out, as I feel guilty now about him not going for breakfast with his friend, but on the other hand, I don't like being treated like I have nothing but time. I actually have long-standing plans to go hiking with a friend this morning; we go walking for exercise up steep hills every single Tues. morning (other days do not work because of her work schedule).
Feedback appreciated. Do I need to adjust my attitude? Also, how much do I need to feed a houseguest? I felt generous when I made the initial offering but now feel annoyed and resentful.. and he's not even here yet.