I am not, by any means backing up the father, but you FIL sounds like my dad. Change is hard, letting go of the house and control over redoing anything takes away the memories of the past. It took my dad about forever and a day into his remarriage to start changing things in the house (kitchen, bathroom, painting). He didn't come right out and say it, but comments were well, things are going to be so different, which to me meant "it looks so different from when your mom and I moved in." It took all of us telling him how hideous the kitchen looked and the color of the walls worked in the 70's, not so much now. My step mother did her best not to make too many changes but it must have been hard, once us kids were all out of the house to keep living in the shadow of my long deceased mother. And the fact that he still sees your husband as a child means he has not moved on from when they lived as a family in the house. Instead of just saying "MY house, deal with it.", maybe you and he, without your husband as it will take out the memories factor, have a quiet chat about why he hates all the changes? You should still go ahead and make the changes, but try to understand his feelings also. As far as the organ..the church was so wrong to call him that they would NOT be getting it. Give him a deadline to take action as to where it is going to go, with the understanding it will no longer be in your house, and if he can't make that decision, do what you have to with it.