Author Topic: Have you ever lied to your children?  (Read 13581 times)

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Jules1980

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #15 on: May 29, 2013, 10:46:02 PM »
I have recently been telling DD that I wasn't scared to have her or DS so she won't be scared if we ever decide to have another.  Truthfully I was terrified somethign was going to go wrong or be worng.  We also told her that Santa Claus was a friend of our Uncles and that's why her picture with him was taken there.  Now she has realized that it's Uncle in a santa suit but she thinks he works for Santa taking pictures with kids so that Santa can be at the north pole.  We didn't tell her that one. She decided that herself.

Oh and for my not so proud one.  I fight with DD to get her to drink water.  So I told her I had an app on my phone that could tell if her kidneys were dirty or not.  (She thinks you drink water to wash your kidneys out.  I haven't corrected her because I thought that was an easy age appropriate explaination.  Thanks, Doc McStuffins.) She now will drink a bottle if the app says her kidney are dirty.

Deetee

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #16 on: May 29, 2013, 10:52:12 PM »
I have given age appropriate answers and let her ask more questions. But sometimes I have let her keep her version of the truth (she's 4 right now)

For example, she became fascinated with death for a few months and I replied truthfully that everyone dies, that it is forever, that the person etc.. goes away forever and you never see them again, that children sometimes die (that was hard to tell her), but once she decided that she could stop people from dying by giving them hugs, I just couldn't correct her on that. I figured she had hit a emotional overload and she was coping.

I also told her that her friend couldn't visit because the friend's dad was sick and couldn't visit. I didn't tell her he was suffering from mental illness and wouldn't leave his house. Sick was enough of the truth for her.

twiggy

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #17 on: May 29, 2013, 11:01:38 PM »
DS loved to eat all kind of veggies until he went to preschool. Then he came home and started saying "broccoli is gross; yuck, I don't like carrots. Green beans are disgusting." so we started being giants devouring the forest, carrots are shredded and sometimes I deny they're in the stir fry, and green beans are alien sticks.

OTOH, he genuinely doesn't like potatoes in any form. I don't lie to him or make him eat potatoes, but I make a point of saying yams instead of sweet potatoes. He loves yams, but at Thanksgiving when my Dad offered DS some Sweet Potatoes they were suddenly disgusting.  ::)
In the United States today, there is a pervasive tendency to treat children as adults, and adults as children.  The options of children are thus steadily expanded, while those of adults are progressively constricted.  The result is unruly children and childish adults.  ~Thomas Szasz

hyzenthlay

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #18 on: May 29, 2013, 11:16:17 PM »
I try never to lie to my kids, and I try to keep my fibbing to a minimum.

Generally I would rather face an uncomfortable truth with them then lie. We didn't even do Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy. We never had any harsh truths when they were young, and now they are old enough to face reality, so I don't think I'll ever have a reason I'd consider important enough to feel a lie was the better option.

But when they were young I certainly did limit the details when the asked those questions no parent really wants to deal with  ;)

zyrs

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #19 on: May 29, 2013, 11:18:12 PM »
I do not have children, but I did lie to my little sister for a while.

The family had gone to visit a relative we had never met before.  My sister had a blanket.

The relative decided that she would take it upon herself to take the blanket away and toss it while my sister was asleep.  I started telling my sister that the blanket had gone to the beach, started surfing and had become like the teenagers in the beach movies - traveling around and following the waves.  She told me a few years later she had figured it out but let me continue because it obviously made me feel better.

kareng57

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2013, 11:51:21 PM »
No I don't think I ever have. I don't like lying.

I don't like lying either, but I think the little things like angelic mailmen and onions=shiny hair are harmless because one is comforting to a hurting little girl and the other one is one the kid will laugh about when they are older over the silliness of it .  And I entertained thoughts of replacing a hamster but the one we had had very interesting markings (had to get the pretty one!) and I knew I couldn't pull it off.

I never said that they harmed anyone. I still don't agree with it.

I want my DS to always be honest with me. How can I expect that if I am not always honest with him?


Our kids were only 3 and 4 when we suddenly had to decide on euthanasia for the family cat. He'd been kind of lethargic for several weeks, and when the vet did exploratory surgery she found advanced cancer.  She called us during the procedure, and we made the decision (which I realize will not be popular here) to end his life there and then.  Our figuring was that extending his life including pain would only have benefited us, not him.

We felt that our kids were too young to explain euthanasia.  We simply told them them that Leo was sicker than we realized and that he died at the vet's.

If anyone here thinks that we were evil to do so - so be it.

*inviteseller

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2013, 11:59:43 PM »
The worst was the thermostat lie because I tried explaining to the at the time 11 yr old that turning it up to 75 after I left for work, then forgetting to turn it down before she got her bus a 1/2 hr later was costing me a lot of money.  She understood bills, but honestly, until you pay them, you don't get the concept, so I told her that turning it up and down would cause the furnace to break..and she stopped!  I am honest about the major things in life - both of my girls were age appropriately talked to about my dad's deteriorating health.  I will not sugar coat the truth, but if it soothes them to believe something or if you have to scam to get them to eat something or do a chore, I don't judge. 

and kareng..I have made that decision too and I also told the little ones it was natural causes.  My older DD now knows and has never judged me.

random numbers

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #22 on: May 30, 2013, 12:33:25 AM »
Please, if your adult children ever ask about these lies, and if it isn't an invasion of your privacy, tell them the truth?

I can't get a straight answer about a dog that suddenly left to "live on a farm" over 30 years ago. I think one of my parents must have accidentally run it over or something, and I know accidents happen. I don't blame anyone, I just would like to know.

sammycat

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #23 on: May 30, 2013, 12:35:00 AM »
Our kids were only 3 and 4 when we suddenly had to decide on euthanasia for the family cat. He'd been kind of lethargic for several weeks, and when the vet did exploratory surgery she found advanced cancer.  She called us during the procedure, and we made the decision (which I realize will not be popular here) to end his life there and then.  Our figuring was that extending his life including pain would only have benefited us, not him.

We felt that our kids were too young to explain euthanasia.  We simply told them them that Leo was sicker than we realized and that he died at the vet's.

If anyone here thinks that we were evil to do so - so be it.

I'd have done the same thing in both instances (cat and explaining it to the kids).

MariaE

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2013, 12:41:39 AM »
Our kids were only 3 and 4 when we suddenly had to decide on euthanasia for the family cat. He'd been kind of lethargic for several weeks, and when the vet did exploratory surgery she found advanced cancer.  She called us during the procedure, and we made the decision (which I realize will not be popular here) to end his life there and then.  Our figuring was that extending his life including pain would only have benefited us, not him.

We felt that our kids were too young to explain euthanasia.  We simply told them them that Leo was sicker than we realized and that he died at the vet's.

If anyone here thinks that we were evil to do so - so be it.

I'd have done the same thing in both instances (cat and explaining it to the kids).

I agree. I don't think this is lying as much as omitting details. Leo was sicker than you realized and he did die at the vet. It was an age-appropriate explanation.
 
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Maude

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2013, 01:15:27 AM »

Please, if your adult children ever ask about these lies, and if it isn't an invasion of your privacy, tell them the truth?

I can't get a straight answer about a dog that suddenly left to "live on a farm" over 30 years ago. I think one of my parents must have accidentally run it over or something, and I know accidents happen. I don't blame anyone, I just would like to know.


My story EXACTLY!

BUT...When I was 30yrs old my mother still stuck to the original  scenario.Thirty years on from THAT,she STILL will not admit that she "sugar-coated"the truth.

Jules1980

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #26 on: May 30, 2013, 01:42:13 AM »
Yes, when my DD is old enough to understand and ever wants to know, then I will tell her about anything I may have lied to her about.  She already knows what dead means.  Both of my parents are deceased and we explained it to her when she started asking why Daddy had parents but Mommy didn't so that she understands.  When she figures out the Santa thing, or the kidney monitoring app thing, I will just shrug and say, "Busted." 

By the way, I never understood the whole 'going to live on a farm' thing for deceased pets.  Of course I grew up on a farm so death was nothing new to us.

Iris

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #27 on: May 30, 2013, 04:19:00 AM »
DD1 and I laugh over a lie I told her. I was reading her a book one day when she was about 18 months old - you know the kind, every second page is the same and there's a squeaker to squeak in between pages. I had read this book, no exaggeration, at least thirty times in a row (and every second page was the same). I had sung it in the style of an opera singer, read it in a squeaky voice, read it in a gruff voice and every other voice, in a desperate bid to maintain my sanity.

After the eleventy billionth reading, as DD demanded it again I distracted her for a second and threw that wretched book under the lounge. Then said "Oh no! I can't find it! It's gone!" She had a good look for it but luckily settled down to another activity quickly. When she was older I told her the story and it's become a family joke. Whenever one of us doesn't want to discuss or deal with an object we'll hide it really obviously and then say "Oh no! It's gone!"  ;D

Please, if your adult children ever ask about these lies, and if it isn't an invasion of your privacy, tell them the truth?

I can't get a straight answer about a dog that suddenly left to "live on a farm" over 30 years ago. I think one of my parents must have accidentally run it over or something, and I know accidents happen. I don't blame anyone, I just would like to know.

We had a dog that just "went away" one day. ALL of us kids just assumed he had been put down (he was very old and frail) and mum was sugar coating the truth. Decades later we said as much to mum and she was most put out because apparently he HAD just wandered off in the night (presumably to find somewhere he was happy to die  :'(). "I spent DAYS looking for that dog!" she wailed. She was most upset that we hadn't believed her.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

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Catananche

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #28 on: May 30, 2013, 06:36:28 AM »
Yes.

- my car won't start unless everyone is buckled in
- I can see on your forehead that you are lying. (Kids ended up telling lies with their hand against their forehead)

They are now (almost) 17 and 19 and I don't think they suffered from those lies. I'll ask when they get home.

Things I have never lied about:
-how much an injection hurts
-medical procedures
-the food they eat
-death of pets (if the details are too gruesome to share I skip over that part) but my kids want to grieve the loss of a beloved pet as much as I do.

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Have you ever lied to your children?
« Reply #29 on: May 30, 2013, 07:27:18 AM »
My best friend told my kids that she had ways of being able to tell if they were misbehaving when she wasn't around, and that she had magical powers.  They didn't buy it until one day we were at the beach and asked her if she could make the waves bigger.  She playfully waved a hand and said "Wavus maximus" and to everyone's surprise, (including her) the waves got so big we had to move our chairs back as they kept coming further and further up the beach! 

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata