Author Topic: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift  (Read 2913 times)

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johelenc1

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Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« on: May 29, 2013, 09:21:13 PM »
So, I had this conversation with my mom when I received a wedding announcement from a cousin (complete with a homemade registry list asking for money - but that's another post!).

She says that receiving a wedding announcement carried the same "expectation" of a gift as receiving an invitation.  I very much disagree.  To me, announcements are a FYI - by the way, we got married, wanted you to know.  I don't have a problem with announcements at all but do not any way feel obligated to send a gift in response.  Maybe a card, but honestly, probably not (but mostly because I'm not really a card person).  I might shoot of an email or facebook message saying congratulations.  But, a gift...nope.

Now, I would say that graduation announcements are different to me.  Generally, you do not invite everyone you know to a graduation for a number of reasons.  Often there is a limit on the number of guests or tickets and also, really, no one wants to sit through those things unless you are really, really close to the person.  And, I don't know anyone who would travel for one unless it's your child, grandchild, or sibling.  But, announcements are sent to all those people who have been apart of one's life just to announce this huge accomplishment.  And, people do usually send a small cash gift in response.  This makes sense to me because there is no real expectation of attending the event.

Weddings, though, are different.  You invite people.  That's the expectation.  I think expecting gifts from people you are not willing to have witness your event or be willing to host in some way with food and drink (in whatever way that translates) is really asking too much.

So, what say you - does a wedding announcement carry the same gift expectation as an invitation.

*** Let's just accept the premise that gifts are never officially expected or an obligation.  No need to beat that horse.  But, in the real world, we know how it works:-)

Sharnita

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #1 on: May 29, 2013, 09:26:18 PM »
For either - announcements don't require a gift, although some people will choose to give/send one.  I personally think that an invitation for either menas at least a token gift.

HoneyBee42

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #2 on: May 29, 2013, 09:29:35 PM »
When I was much younger, what I was taught was that an invitation was an obligation for at least a token gift (now you know where those bloated guest lists come from!) and an announcement carries no obligation.  While I'll concede the invitation doesn't equal obligation, I will contend that the announcement means no more obligation than a congratulations said the next time you see the person(s).


gramma dishes

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #3 on: May 29, 2013, 09:33:33 PM »
I agree with Sharnita.  I don't think an announcement carries the same expectation of a gift (although in the case you're talking about, the sender seems to have that expectation).

An announcement is just that.  "Hey!  I/we accomplished something or are going to do something.  Just thought you'd want to know."  (But registry information is definitely inappropriate in this case.)

However, if you think you know the reason for an announcement rather than an invitation (example:  dying parent, so actual ceremony will be held in a hospital room rather than a church) then you might really want to send a gift anyway just because you're so happy for the couple.

Otherwise we could all just send "announcements" to everyone listed in the county phone book and rejoice at all the thousands of lovely gifts.   ;D

Promise

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2013, 09:34:27 PM »
My husband and I pastor a church and get invited to multiple graduation parties per year. We truly can not afford gifts in our budget. Some weeks we choose between how much we spend on groceries or gas. But since we pastor the church we are somewhat obligated to go. If we had money that we spent on eating out, I would give that, but we do not have that in our budget. Each graduate will get a card but no gift. It's either a gift or our groceries.

MummySweet

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2013, 09:42:54 PM »
Absolutely not.  For what it's worth, a wedding invitation doesn't "require" a gift either, although it is customary to give one if you attend the festivities.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #6 on: May 29, 2013, 09:49:11 PM »
No, but there are people who choose to give one anyway.

We got a gift card from one of my Mums former work colleagues that I knew as well as one from distant relatives who weren't invited.

Sharnita

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #7 on: May 29, 2013, 09:54:23 PM »
My husband and I pastor a church and get invited to multiple graduation parties per year. We truly can not afford gifts in our budget. Some weeks we choose between how much we spend on groceries or gas. But since we pastor the church we are somewhat obligated to go. If we had money that we spent on eating out, I would give that, but we do not have that in our budget. Each graduate will get a card but no gift. It's either a gift or our groceries.

No idea if this would work but I have been to a couple different churches that get pictures of the entire graduating class - from baby pictures to senior pictures, including severa shots of youth activities.  Then they have a slide show honoring the grads at one of the services. If you did this perhaps you could burn copies and present it to each grad when you go to their party?

sammycat

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2013, 10:20:10 PM »
I think expecting gifts from people you are not willing to have witness your event or be willing to host in some way with food and drink (in whatever way that translates) is really asking too much.

This is where I fall. 

Graduations aren't a big deal here, and I've never, ever,  heard of anyone sending out a graduation announcement (here) - or a wedding one for that matter.  In any case, I wouldn't feel obliged to send a present in response to an announcement for any event.

mime

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #9 on: May 29, 2013, 10:28:28 PM »
Neither announcement requires a gift.

That said, I chose not to send any wedding announcements to not-invited people (despite my MIL's prodding) because I didn't want to make anyone feel obliged to send a gift.

Hmmmmm

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #10 on: May 29, 2013, 10:29:02 PM »
I do not believe either requires a gift. A card of congratulations is all Miss Manners says is required.

Calistoga

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #11 on: May 29, 2013, 10:57:12 PM »
I don't think anything requires a gift. Weddings, birthdays, graduations, these are occasions when one usually gives a gift, but it's not mandatory.


LeveeWoman

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #12 on: May 29, 2013, 11:18:43 PM »
Miss Manners' column from the other day:

Everybody who receives a graduation (or wedding or birth) announcement should respond with congratulations and good wishes. Miss Manners hopes you are not mistaking announcements for bills.



http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/style/miss-manners-a-graduation-party-thats-truly-a-class-act/2013/05/22/4d28b010-b41d-11e2-baf7-5bc2a9dc6f44_story.html

johelenc1

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2013, 11:24:02 PM »
Ahhh - Miss Manners - perfect!  I also googled specifically Miss Manners and wedding announcements and will be delighted to inform my mother that she is WRONG!!!!  brahahahahaha:-)

Promise

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Re: Does a Wedding or Graduation Annoucement "require" a gift
« Reply #14 on: June 07, 2013, 10:57:25 PM »

[/quote]

No idea if this would work but I have been to a couple different churches that get pictures of the entire graduating class - from baby pictures to senior pictures, including severa shots of youth activities.  Then they have a slide show honoring the grads at one of the services. If you did this perhaps you could burn copies and present it to each grad when you go to their party?
[/quote]

What a nice idea. Yes, we did a slideshow for our graduates. I'll bring this up to my husband for next year about burning a copy for them. All but one of the graduates had their parties last weekend which we attended.