Author Topic: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative  (Read 19367 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

TheaterDiva1

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1470
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #45 on: June 03, 2013, 05:13:48 PM »
Another approach might be to say "Yes, he is family.  DD is also family."  You might go even farther and say "By his own, voluntary actions, he forced me to choose between members of my family, and I chose my DD.  Why do you think I should choose him over her instead, given that none of this is her fault?".

The first one... DD's "faaaaaamily" too - why should her needs be less important?  That I would point out.

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4207
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #46 on: June 03, 2013, 05:22:57 PM »
It is only 2 pressuring and one is backing off with just a few murmers, but the other one is just unbelievable in his inability to see the damage, but it could be that it is my brother and the person I cut is his son.  My brother is cut from some relatives and I would not even think to say to them "awwww c'mon" because they have their reasons (pretty good in my opinion), but I think the problem is he can't figure out why he has been cut so he can't figure out why I would do it to his kid.  He is so oblivious to the fact that just because your family doesn't mean everyone should just smile and say "oh you silly!"  I just have been letting all the calls go to VM then deleting the messages.

I bet deep down he knows but refuses to admit it to himself. Whatever the case, stick with what you're doing.

Pen^2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1107
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #47 on: June 04, 2013, 11:19:44 AM »
Inviteseller, I'm so sorry that you have to cope with all this. Good for you for being a strong parent for the sake of your daughter, even if it means doing the hard thing and not yielding to unreasonable pressure.

If I were you, I would not discuss it at all. It is not open for discussion, and it takes two to tango. You've already explained yourself, but they refused to listen. So stop wasting everyone's time by trying to explain. Give no reasons, just repetitions of "this isn't your business and I won't discuss it. Please stop nagging me." If it gets worse (as it sounds like it has been from one person), I would say bluntly and honestly: "I've told you that I do not want to talk about this. I've asked you to stop. You keep ignoring me. I don't know why you keep doing this, but it's rude and honestly it's making me dread spending time with you. If that's what you want, that's fine, but otherwise, please give me just a little bit of respect here and stop. I won't ask again." A response of anything like, "but I just want what's best for you and leech, so nag nag nag" should be met with you leaving the room. Cut off most contact, enough so the message comes across. If the person has an ounce of empathy, they'll realise you were serious (since apparently telling them flat out to stop is seen as nothing more than a joke), and will say something to you. You can then rebuild things.

Clueless people aren't always harmless. A person who hurts you and your family is bad enough, but a person who wants you and your family to be hurt is just as bad. And that is what this person wants. They want to risk you and your daughter's safety and peace of mind based on a Hallmark-ideal of what a family should do despite all indications to the contrary. And anyone who wants to risk the safety of you and your daughter is dangerous, no matter their intent. And this is what we have here. Even if no offence is meant, the person is proving themselves to be just as damaging by refusing to listen to you or consider you. Unfortunately, you might have to be very firm.

JeanFromBNA

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2329
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #48 on: June 04, 2013, 03:22:30 PM »
Time for the line in the sand:  "I WILL NOT betray my daughter and be friendly with that man.  DO NOT ask again."

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2908
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #49 on: June 04, 2013, 07:33:33 PM »
Inviteseller, I'm so sorry that you have to cope with all this. Good for you for being a strong parent for the sake of your daughter, even if it means doing the hard thing and not yielding to unreasonable pressure.

If I were you, I would not discuss it at all. It is not open for discussion, and it takes two to tango. You've already explained yourself, but they refused to listen. So stop wasting everyone's time by trying to explain. Give no reasons, just repetitions of "this isn't your business and I won't discuss it. Please stop nagging me." If it gets worse (as it sounds like it has been from one person), I would say bluntly and honestly: "I've told you that I do not want to will not talk about this. I've asked you to stop. You keep ignoring me. I don't know why you keep doing this, but it's rude and honestly it's making me dread spending time with you. If that's what you want, that's fine, but otherwise, please give me just a little bit of respect here and stop. I won't ask again." A response of anything like, "but I just want what's best for you and leech, so nag nag nag" should be met with you leaving the room. Cut off most contact, enough so the message comes across. If the person has an ounce of empathy, they'll realise you were serious (since apparently telling them flat out to stop is seen as nothing more than a joke), and will say something to you. You can then rebuild things.

I suggested a couple minor alterations above.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

kudeebee

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2230
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #50 on: June 05, 2013, 02:35:56 AM »
Time for the line in the sand:  "I WILL NOT betray my daughter and be friendly with that man.  DO NOT ask again."

I like this!

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6218
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #51 on: June 05, 2013, 04:52:28 AM »
Time for the line in the sand:  "I WILL NOT betray my daughter and be friendly with that man.  DO NOT ask again."

I like this!

 Me too!

Short and to the point.

whatsanenigma

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2052
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #52 on: June 05, 2013, 08:05:07 AM »
Time for the line in the sand:  "I WILL NOT betray my daughter and be friendly with that man.  DO NOT ask again."

I like this!

 Me too!

Short and to the point.

I agree with this also.  It's kind of what I was getting at with my "DD is also family" suggestion.  So many of these conflicts, mine included (see above) seem to involve being asked to throw a kind, loyal family member under the proverbial bus for the sake of "making peace" with a family member who is a jerk, which is sad.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #53 on: June 06, 2013, 10:56:58 AM »
Oh goody!  Someone gave him my email address!  I sent it to the trash bin without opening it and set his email address to go straight to spam.  I know it was sent to me only because the title said "Please look at the pics and call me".  Nope, not happening.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #54 on: June 06, 2013, 11:16:26 AM »
I smell a traitor!!  >:(  Any idea who did it?

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #55 on: June 06, 2013, 12:58:38 PM »
I think I know and there is only 2 that would do it.  I have been ignoring for a year now and they just.don't.get.it!!!

jedikaiti

  • Swiss Army Nerd
  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2908
  • A pie in the hand is worth two in the mail.
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #56 on: June 06, 2013, 03:30:30 PM »
I think I know and there is only 2 that would do it.  I have been ignoring for a year now and they just.don't.get.it!!!

Oh good grief! Perhaps all their emails should go to spam, too.
What part of v_e = \sqrt{\frac{2GM}{r}} don't you understand? It's only rocket science!

"The problem with re-examining your brilliant ideas is that more often than not, you discover they are the intellectual equivalent of saying, 'Hold my beer and watch this!'" - Cindy Couture

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #57 on: June 06, 2013, 03:46:27 PM »
I only use my email for DD's school correspondence.  I give my email address to nobody but I do know that my relative who is pushing the issue does have it (I have had the same email address for over 8 years) so he probably said to Mr. Cut Off - here, send her pics, that will melt her heart.  Glad the baby is healthy (another relative told me when it was born they had seen a pic and a posting) but I will not compromise my principles or my kids feelings because they have no way to support this kid and are hitting up relatives (they are telling people what to buy and when they will pick it up  :o :o :o).  I don't melt at the sight of a baby (well, maybe a kitten or puppy  ;D) and this gf has 3 kids under the age of 10 so she should know it is pricey, especially when one of the adults won't/can't get a job.

Janice

  • Jr. Member
  • *
  • Posts: 47
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #58 on: June 06, 2013, 03:54:47 PM »

Well, look on the bright side...now you can just block his email address entirely and never hear from him again!

EvilJanice would be tempted to reply with something like "Wow, that's a REALLY ugly baby! Who does it belong to again?"  >:D

Be a black hole...once anything related to this person enters your orbit, it ceases to exist, so no need to acknowledge or respond. Eventually the gimme pigs will figure out that they aren't getting anything, and move on to more fertile ground.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #59 on: June 06, 2013, 04:45:28 PM »
Janice..they don't know the meaning of stop.  A normal, intelligent person would say, especially after a year..hmm, this person has blocked me on FB, reported me on FB, will not take my calls no matter how many times I change my number in an attempt to get her to answer (yes, I have a mole inside who tells me when he changes it  ;D), won't respond to my emails..maybe I should just drop it but noooooooo.  He can't get his life together but perseveres on in his attempts to get me (and a few others who also avoid) to be a big happy family.  If he would only use that energy to get his life in order...