Author Topic: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative  (Read 17858 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

sammycat

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6070
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #90 on: June 07, 2013, 10:40:56 PM »
If I told you what a Jerry Springer episode they really are and how they got together, you would never believe me

We'd be willing to try! >:D


*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #91 on: June 07, 2013, 11:14:35 PM »
OK, I warned you... ;D  Get a glass of wine and a snack cause it is long...
He is a convicted felon who only got out 2 years ago.  I tried to mentor him as he went from prison, to a half way house to being out.  He got a job and was being ok.  Then he started drinking, fighting with one of the people in the house he was so graciously welcomed into, and bragged about it.  He would come into my job, a lot, and while my co workers were friendly to him, he started to quickly become a bit of a pain so I told him he couldn't come in and hang out.  He got upset but said he understood.  He, through absolutely no fault of his, lost his job and that was a tough blow.  He started drinking heavily, which set off his seizures, he was posting vile white supremest stuff on facebook and other vile things, so for that and the fact he took a pic of my kids and put it on his page, I deleted and blocked.  He started going to school, but because of the drinking he was having more seizures and had to withdraw (I honestly think they kicked him out).

 By this time, I had fairly washed my hands of him, but if he asked, I would be honest and tell him to get his life straightened out.  The last time I saw him (before last night) was last June, a few weeks after my DD got out of a long term residential treatment facility for mental health issues.  He waited until I left work to run an errand and went in, told co workers my DD was posting naked pictures of herself on FB and trying entice men to meet up with her.  When I walked back in about 15 minutes later, he put his head down and left quickly and I was treated to the 3rd degree from co workers (at this time things were extremely tense between boss and I and this did not help).  I told them not only was it not true, I am friends with DD and see everything on her page!  I actually pulled up her page for them to see..nothing he said was true but it caused some issues because my boss kept riding me about it.  He also told this story to a few other people and I had to do damage control and it absolutely shattered my DD.  I told him that night that he was a liar and a drama queen and that we never wanted to see him again.  So other than incessant calls that I did not answer, he stayed under a rock. 

Then I hear from another relative that he is going to be a dad.  How did an unemployed, alcoholic, ex convict find love?  When a couple of friends opened their door for them, he started carrying on an affair with the wife (and mother of 3 small kids) and she then kicked her husband out in favor of Mr Cut Off!!!  Yes..she, with her kids in the house, invited this man into their house, has an affair, gets pregnant and kicks her husband to the curb!  And they threw themselves a baby shower (no one really came) and are hitting everyone up for money and gifts, including his mother, who he hasn't had much contact with but sent her a list of the stuff they could buy the unborn baby for Christmas and her 3 kids that she never met.  When she couldn't due to financial constraints, they didn't go see her like they promised.  They keep calling my sister too (and she accidentally picked the phone up without checking) and he told her all about the baaaaaaby and how they just wanted her to be their guest at the shower ..ka-ching ka-ching.  I feel so sorry for that baby, I really do because, well I am not the perfect mom, but this train wreck should not have a goldfish, let alone a baby. 

Whew...enjoy

edited because I agree it was hard to read!
« Last Edit: June 07, 2013, 11:40:03 PM by *inviteseller »

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4153
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #92 on: June 07, 2013, 11:28:06 PM »
OK, I warned you... ;D  Get a glass of wine and a snack cause it is long...
He is a convicted felon who only got out 2 years ago.  I tried to mentor him as he went from prison, to a half way house to being out.  He got a job and was being ok.  Then he started drinking, fighting with one of the people in the house he was so graciously welcomed into, and bragged about it.  He would come into my job, a lot, and while my co workers were friendly to him, he started to quickly become a bit of a pain so I told him he couldn't come in and hang out.  He got upset but said he understood.  He, through absolutely no fault of his, lost his job and that was a tough blow.  He started drinking heavily, which set off his seizures, he was posting vile white supremest stuff on facebook and other vile things, so for that and the fact he took a pic of my kids and put it on his page, I deleted and blocked.  He started going to school, but because of the drinking he was having more seizures and had to withdraw (I honestly think they kicked him out).  By this time, I had fairly washed my hands of him, but if he asked, I would be honest and tell him to get his life straightened out.  The last time I saw him (before last night) was last June, a few weeks after my DD got out of a long term residential treatment facility for mental health issues.  He waited until I left work to run an errand and went in, told co workers my DD was posting naked pictures of herself on FB and trying entice men to meet up with her.  When I walked back in about 15 minutes later, he put his head down and left quickly and I was treated to the 3rd degree from co workers (at this time things were extremely tense between boss and I and this did not help).  I told them not only was it not true, I am friends with DD and see everything on her page!  I actually pulled up her page for them to see..nothing he said was true but it caused some issues because my boss kept riding me about it.  He also told this story to a few other people and I had to do damage control and it absolutely shattered my DD.  I told him that night that he was a liar and a drama queen and that we never wanted to see him again.  So other than incessant calls that I did not answer, he stayed under a rock.  Then I hear from another relative that he is going to be a dad.  How did an unemployed, alcoholic, ex convict find love?  When a couple of friends opened their door for them, he started carrying on an affair with the wife (and mother of 3 small kids) and she then kicked her husband out in favor of Mr Cut Off!!!  Yes..she, with her kids in the house, invited this man into their house, has an affair, gets pregnant and kicks her husband to the curb!  And they threw themselves a baby shower (no one really came) and are hitting everyone up for money and gifts, including his mother, who he hasn't had much contact with but sent her a list of the stuff they could buy the unborn baby for Christmas and her 3 kids that she never met.  When she couldn't due to financial constraints, they didn't go see her like they promised.  They keep calling my sister too (and she accidentally picked the phone up without checking) and he told her all about the baaaaaaby and how they just wanted her to be their guest at the shower ..ka-ching ka-ching.  I feel so sorry for that baby, I really do because, well I am not the perfect mom, but this train wreck should not have a goldfish, let alone a baby. 

Whew...enjoy

Would you please break up this block of text?

doodlemor

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2191
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #93 on: June 07, 2013, 11:29:15 PM »
they...... are hitting everyone up for money and gifts

That is quite a story, inviteseller. 

Sadly, I wonder if the baby and the children will/would see any of this potential largess.  Do you think that the stuff will be sold for cash, and the cash used for inappropriate purchases?  Such high powered begging really raises a red flag for me, and makes me wonder exactly what all of this is really about.

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #94 on: June 07, 2013, 11:33:17 PM »
Yikes yikes yikes. 

GrammarNerd

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 569
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #95 on: June 07, 2013, 11:46:56 PM »
Whoa.  So his mom wasn't talking to him, but his dad (your brother?) is still his biggest champion?  I have to say....he does have some special form of audacity.  I had a toxic relative, but she had some issues; she invented very untrue stories about me and I washed my hands of her.  Luckily, those that mattered knew they were untrue.  I made the decision to avoid her and not reach out.  Sure, I heard about her, but unlike your relative, she stayed away from me (and played the martyr for it, but oh well).  She ended up self-destructing and is no longer alive, but she was in denial until the end. She wanted an audience, not true help, and I suspected that she stayed away from me b/c she knew I would call her on her BS.

And actually, I think that's what you should do with any relatives who keep pressuring you to reconcile.  Make it VERY uncomfortable for them to bring it up to you.  Suggest that you've been hearing that all he's doing is hitting up people for cash and supplies because he can't support/provide for his own child.  And if that's the case, the child deserves more than that.  Perhaps THEY should think about what's best for the child; if they have to continuously hit up family to provide even the basic necessities for the baby, then THEY should think about relinquishing their parental rights to another loving couple who desperately wants AND CAN PROVIDE FOR a child.  When they ask you for help, put it back on THEM, as the parents.

Now, I'm not suggesting that you say this to the guy who's cut off (continue to ignore him, call the cops, whatever), but to any flying monkeys that may try to guilt you or sing his praises.  Of course, this means that you'd have to actually engage a conversation on the subject.  But just maybe that would be the thing that would get them to stop asking you: make it VERY uncomfortable for them to bring it up further, because they now know that you're talking about a WAY different solution to them not being able to support their child.  Rather than you just handing over money, they should do the right thing and give the child a better home than what they can provide.  If they say, "Think about the baaaaaabbbbyyyy!" then you can say, "Yes, I am, and I think the child be better off with a family who can support it without having to harass relatives whom they have grievously wronged."  You could even go one step farther and offer to call an adoption case worker/social worker for them. 

Right now, you're not making it uncomfortable enough for the flying monkeys who are harassing you.  Make them uncomfortable with your responses, and I bet they'll stop the harassment/pressure.

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #96 on: June 08, 2013, 12:03:22 AM »
Not sure what they are up to.  I have never met the woman but someone who has said she was nasty and trashy.  It is embarrassing to have this in the family to be honest.  We are not snobby blue bloods, but we were raised to be above this type of behavior and Mr Cut Off's criminal past is stuff of front page news.  Surprisingly, the 2 (and only 2) supporters are being verrrry quiet to me right now.  Nothing is being said, posted, im'd..they may realize that he has a lot more to lose and have decided to back it up, or they too have had their eyes opened.  One supporter actually gave in because and only because of the baby, and the other one is just laying low and deciding that when I didn't jump with the birth announcement, I am not getting all soft.

LeveeWoman

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4153
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #97 on: June 08, 2013, 12:07:11 AM »
Please, break up that block of text, *inviteseller.

JeanFromBNA

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2273
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #98 on: June 10, 2013, 04:10:58 PM »
I am waiting for his gf to reach out next.  I have never met her, but have formed an opinion on her due to behaviors I do know and I want nothing to do with her either.

I haven't met her, and I've formed an opinion of her.  My opinion is that she doesn't make decisions that are in the best interests of her children.

Glad you have CPS' number handy.  Please keep it close.

There's always a temporary restraining order, and a paper trail helps.  Also, does he have a parole officer?

LadyJaneinMD

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2523
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #99 on: June 14, 2013, 12:13:30 PM »
OK, I warned you... ;D  Get a glass of wine and a snack cause it is long...

Wow.  What a story.  I'm reading this at work so there's no wine, and Diet Dr Pepper is totally insufficient for this tale.   You are a considerably stronger woman than I ever will be.  Keep up the good work.

Browyn

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 721
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #100 on: June 14, 2013, 12:26:21 PM »
If his GF has 3 small children doesn't she have baby stuff left over from them?  I agree that they are probably reselling the stuff. 

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #101 on: June 14, 2013, 01:22:37 PM »
I made the same comment about her having stuff left over from her 3 kids (i have been told they are all under the age of 9 or 10) but who knows.  I know yesterday I saw a post of his on my nieces wall complaining that nobody is happy for him, no one is helping them out, he tries and tries but he just fails  wahwahwah.  Well, maybe you should have thought of how hard it is to raise a baby with no job or money before you chose to do it.  Condoms are cheaper than child support!  I am not sure if he has a parole officer..he did have to report in for awhile, but I am not sure if he still does, but I think not because he would have had to be subjected to drug/alcohol testing and be required to hold down some form of a job, not sponging off a woman who is sponging off the system (supposedly all 3 of her kids get SS disability).

gramma dishes

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8090
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #102 on: June 14, 2013, 01:27:57 PM »
...   (supposedly all 3 of her kids get SS disability).

Whoa!  SS Disability?  You mean all three of her older children have identifiable and diagnosed disabilities? 
(I am assuming that in this case SS references Social Security, not Special Snowflake!)

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10308
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #103 on: June 14, 2013, 01:53:05 PM »
...   (supposedly all 3 of her kids get SS disability).

Whoa!  SS Disability?  You mean all three of her older children have identifiable and diagnosed disabilities? 
(I am assuming that in this case SS references Social Security, not Special Snowflake!)

Or she is a scammer. We see families School shopping (like doctor shopping) trying to get a diagnoses that will mean they get $$$$. They tend to storm out pretty quickly because our diag, councilor, and admin stick to the letter of the law. We have other kids that do qualify for extra help but the parents won't apply because "it is my job to raise my kids". 
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: Being pressured to celebrate with a cut off relative
« Reply #104 on: June 14, 2013, 03:28:18 PM »
Yes, social security disability.  I had to fight for 5 years for my DD's (a laundry list of options) but I am not supporting myself on it...it is for her.  I get the idea that that is how they support themselves.  I don't know what their issues are but with it so hard to get it must be something tangible (I do know for a fact they have tightened up on the ADD/ADHD issues at Social Security because it was too darn easy to get a school/dr to say little Johnny had it when all little Johnny has is parents unwilling to discipline).  I found out today my former SIL (bro's recently divorced from wife) was invited to the shower...she was the one my nephew was physically intimidating.