Author Topic: Where Did The Scar Come From?  (Read 7506 times)

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sparksals

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Where Did The Scar Come From?
« on: June 04, 2013, 01:33:42 AM »
I had major surgery just over two months ago.  I have a very noticeable scar across the front of my neck.  I assume it will dissipate in time, but right now, it is very visible. 


I can't count the number of times people have asked me how I got it.  I hate the scar enough, I know it is there without people reminding me of it and rudely asking how I got it.


I have just answered truthfully about the surgery I had (double neck fusion), but honestly, I am getting tired of answering people who rudely ask this question. 


Any suggestions for polite comebacks to shut them up?

Seraphim

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #1 on: June 04, 2013, 02:02:17 AM »
'I would rather not discuss it. Have you tried the bean dip?'

Personally, I would be answering...

'knife-fight. Bean dip?'



*inviteseller

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #2 on: June 04, 2013, 02:04:35 AM »
Evil *inviteseller would say, with a bored tone "Knife fight in a bar.  Got shanked with a beer bottle."  I try to keep her locked up though because she gets me in a lot of trouble.
I think a cool smile and a simple 'surgery' is all you need to say.  If the Nosy Nellies persist, just give them the smile that conveys "oh you poor poor etiquette challenged doofus".

peaches

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #3 on: June 04, 2013, 02:13:20 AM »
'I would rather not discuss it. Have you tried the bean dip?'

POD! Or, "I don't like to discuss it."  I have used this.

I can imagine a situation where it's obvious there's been a change (someone's on crutches or whatever) and people could sincerely be concerned. A general conversational question "How are you?" doesn't give offense (at least to me) because it can be answered "I'm fine, thanks" and you can move on.

No one is under an obligation to spill their medical history. (I'm the type who wouldn't want to.)

« Last Edit: June 04, 2013, 02:19:01 AM by peaches »

Possum

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #4 on: June 04, 2013, 02:19:47 AM »
I had major surgery just over two months ago.  I have a very noticeable scar across the front of my neck.  I assume it will dissipate in time, but right now, it is very visible. 


I can't count the number of times people have asked me how I got it.  I hate the scar enough, I know it is there without people reminding me of it and rudely asking how I got it.


I have just answered truthfully about the surgery I had (double neck fusion), but honestly, I am getting tired of answering people who rudely ask this question. 


Any suggestions for polite comebacks to shut them up?
"Bar fight."

"What scar?"

"Well, there I was, the only one who could save the plane full of orphaned babies and nuns from the terrorists..."

"I fell into some bean dip."

"Cylons."

"I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."  (Related:  "Oh, just my past as a sleeper agent catching up with me.")

"Oh, comes with the territory when you wrestle gators."

"You tell me how you got yours first!"

"I... I don't want to talk about it.  Just never let me near a mango again."

"I'm auditioning for the next Batman movie, and I'm a method actor."

"What, this old thing?  (touch scar) It's just something I threw on."

Nothing.  Just stare at them with a quizzical expression, like you don't know what they're talking about.

And my personal favorite... "Cut myself shaving.  Have you tried the bean dip?"
« Last Edit: June 04, 2013, 02:21:50 AM by Possum »

KB

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #5 on: June 04, 2013, 02:49:00 AM »
Could you become a fan of the light scarf, which has the double effect of allowing you to forget it exists and hiding it from prying eyes (and thus painful questions)?

sweetonsno

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #6 on: June 04, 2013, 03:48:54 AM »
Like previous posters, I'm a fan of humor. The fact of the matter is that people are probably going to ask. Unless you start wearing scarves or turtlenecks (not very seasonal), they'll see it.

I do enjoy the idea of pretending you don't know what they are talking about. I might also explain how I got a different scar. "Oh, this?" (pointing to the faint scar on my finger) "I cut myself in the kitchen."

I might also say, very seriously, "There can be only one."

Oh Joy

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #7 on: June 04, 2013, 05:19:59 AM »
I think a polite way to shut someone up is a bit of an oxymoron.   ;)

Can you simply say 'Just surgery.' and move on?

Best wishes.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2013, 05:21:49 AM by Oh Joy »

mathcat

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #8 on: June 04, 2013, 06:25:45 AM »
I too have a scar that people ask about.  By now though I can honestly just say "it's old."  No one presses any further.

For now, something like "it's just a scar" would indicate that the person asking was heard but that you don't plan on answering the question.

I do understand finding people rude to ask about the scar.  The question makes sense from a good friend but I know that too often I am asked by people who don't really know me or who completely do not know me.
« Last Edit: June 04, 2013, 06:31:43 AM by mathcat »

Catananche

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #9 on: June 04, 2013, 06:38:33 AM »
If you don't want to talk about it, just say so. If someone persists repeat "I don't want to talk about it" and change the subject.

Probably not a good idea:

-Where/How did I get it? Why? Do you want one too?

-I tried eating with knife and fork <shudder> never again!

iridaceae

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #10 on: June 04, 2013, 06:40:22 AM »
My standard suggestion for scar/wound responses is "I tried to bathe a cat" . If you can manage a look of sheer horror while saying it so much the better.

nayberry

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2013, 06:44:14 AM »
I had major surgery just over two months ago.  I have a very noticeable scar across the front of my neck.  I assume it will dissipate in time, but right now, it is very visible. 


I can't count the number of times people have asked me how I got it.  I hate the scar enough, I know it is there without people reminding me of it and rudely asking how I got it.


I have just answered truthfully about the surgery I had (double neck fusion), but honestly, I am getting tired of answering people who rudely ask this question. 


Any suggestions for polite comebacks to shut them up?
"Bar fight."

"What scar?"

"Well, there I was, the only one who could save the plane full of orphaned babies and nuns from the terrorists..."

"I fell into some bean dip."

"Cylons."

"I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you."  (Related:  "Oh, just my past as a sleeper agent catching up with me.")

"Oh, comes with the territory when you wrestle gators."

"You tell me how you got yours first!"

"I... I don't want to talk about it.  Just never let me near a mango again."

"I'm auditioning for the next Batman movie, and I'm a method actor."

"What, this old thing?  (touch scar) It's just something I threw on."

Nothing.  Just stare at them with a quizzical expression, like you don't know what they're talking about.

And my personal favorite... "Cut myself shaving.  Have you tried the bean dip?"


also my personal favourite  "don't mention the war!" if you can follow it up with a silly walk even better ;)

Jones

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #12 on: June 04, 2013, 08:22:02 AM »
I too have throat scaring. I hope sharing my experience helps you a bit, OP...

I got mine from an extensive accident at age 15, a rather delicate point of life when it comes to personal looks, let me assure you! First, I'd like to say that yes it does fade a lot eventually.  Second, most people genuinely don't mean anything by it, and will often offer their own stories or condolences for your experience. I condensed my story into a one liner and said it often enough it wasn't painful anymore. For anyone who pushed about "what a shame about your looks" (yes they did and yes I thought it hogwash even then) I'd cheerfully mention that they never better see me in a bikini as the damage was fairly extensive. Then excuse myself. ( Happy story, most of it is hidden by baby stretch marks now.)

Out of all the prying strangers, one became exceedingly disgusted, you could see the look on her face change as she realized the scarring was real. She asked me if I could cover with a scarf (no, I was in a work uniform), or makeup (no, the scars were new enough all makeup attempts resulted in pain). I joked I was going to tattoo barbed wire on my throat when I turned 18. She shut her mouth and never came through my grocery line again. I did see her speaking animatedly to a supervisor and gesturing at me, but the supe never said anything to me and I knew the store didn't hire us for our looks so I guess her complaint was found without merit.

I did start wearing a lot more turtlenecks to school though.

Amava

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #13 on: June 04, 2013, 09:06:13 AM »
Out of all the prying strangers, one became exceedingly disgusted, you could see the look on her face change as she realized the scarring was real.

As she realised it was real? What the heck did she /think/ it was, bodypainted  decoration?

Re the whole topic:
I sort of like the humoristic responses, though if I'm in a cranky/serious mood I might go with "Did you really just ask for details from my medical history? That is rather private!"

For everyone who has scars or who wants to become less awkward and avoid accidental rudeness regarding other people's scars: may I recommend a website/community that has many stories of how people deal(t) with their disfigurements? It's mostly about facial disfigurement but all the advice can also be useful for other scars, in my opinion. It has a lot of good advice on how to deal with your own scars and also how (not) to react to other people's scars.
It's called Changing Faces. https://www.changingfaces.org.uk/Home

Slartibartfast

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #14 on: June 04, 2013, 09:12:39 AM »
"Where'd you get that scar?"

"Pirates."

"No seriously - where'd you get it?"

"I'd rather not talk about it, thanks."


Honestly, I think humor is best here, because if you're female and you go straight to "I don't want to talk about it," there are people out there who will assume you'd welcome their input on how to get out of your abusive marriage/relationship  ::)  (Not that partner abuse is a laughing matter, of course, but some people seem to think their advice is the one thing that would help a complete stranger change her life around . . .)