Author Topic: Where Did The Scar Come From?  (Read 9578 times)

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #60 on: June 04, 2013, 11:09:53 PM »
Yes, it is definitely rude to ask a complete stranger where they got their scar. I can't imagine the mentality of people who do this.

When younger DD wears a tank type top or something scoop necked, you can see the top of her heart surgery scar.  It amazed me the amount of busy bodies that would get a look on their face and say (to a 2 yr old!) what happened???!!!  I would just mumble surgery and walk away...I didn't want her to get upset by people saying things.  Now (at the age of 6) she will gladly tell you aaaaaaalllllllll about that surgery (she can't remember it, just that she was in the hospital and had lots of balloons) but she just goes on and on about how they cut into her chest..so veryvery TMI but it makes people run away, sorry they ever asked.   >:D

I love this! Sparksals, perhaps next time you get asked, you should go into elaborate detail about the surgery!

Iris

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #61 on: June 05, 2013, 05:03:34 AM »
I love scars. Always have. I feel as though they are part of someone's journey through life actually written on their bodies. I know that's weird, but I thought they were cool even as a small child. Interesting, because I don't like tattoos.

Having said that, I have never, ever, ever asked someone how they got their scar (except for DH). How on earth would that possibly be my business? It's *their* journey, not mine. I think if someone is clueless enough to ask in the first place then they are probably too clueless to pick up on any cues that you are uncomfortable with the question.

So in the end I think your goal should be to come up with the reply that makes YOU feel the most comfortable. If that's a joke, then fine, if it's bean dip, also fine, if it's a direct "That's really not your business" then I think that's fine too.

Personally I would have a repertoire of silly responses and use them according to whim, but that's me. You have some great suggestions on here.
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sparksals

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #62 on: June 05, 2013, 05:06:58 PM »
Thanks everyone.  I think I'm going to try the 'someone slit my throat' response.   Will report back.   Watch now, it won't happen. Lol

TootsNYC

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #63 on: June 05, 2013, 06:29:45 PM »
There's always the puzzled, "what scar?" But that gets into a longer exchange.

Feel free to use several!

DoubleTrouble

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #64 on: June 05, 2013, 07:33:42 PM »
Thanks everyone.  I think I'm going to try the 'someone slit my throat' response.   Will report back.   Watch now, it won't happen. Lol

That's usually what happens. I've got some great comeback lines for when people can't wrap their minds around the fact that boy/girl twins can't be identical but I never get asked any more!

KenveeB

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #65 on: June 05, 2013, 08:27:42 PM »
Thanks everyone.  I think I'm going to try the 'someone slit my throat' response.   Will report back.   Watch now, it won't happen. Lol

Good luck! That sounds like a good response. :)

I had a precancerous growth removed from my cheek when I was a kid, just before I started school. They did an amazing job with it, and the scar has hardly been visible most of my life. Most people didn't even realize it was there, especially when I was wearing makeup. Oddly enough, 30 years later the scar has started to become more visible. I don't know if it's because I've lost weight lately or something else, but I notice it all the time now! I've had a few people comment on it lately, and I just say, "Oh, I had surgery as a kid."

Mental Magpie

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #66 on: June 11, 2013, 01:47:02 PM »
I love scars. Always have. I feel as though they are part of someone's journey through life actually written on their bodies. I know that's weird, but I thought they were cool even as a small child. Interesting, because I don't like tattoos.

Having said that, I have never, ever, ever asked someone how they got their scar (except for DH). How on earth would that possibly be my business? It's *their* journey, not mine. I think if someone is clueless enough to ask in the first place then they are probably too clueless to pick up on any cues that you are uncomfortable with the question.

So in the end I think your goal should be to come up with the reply that makes YOU feel the most comfortable. If that's a joke, then fine, if it's bean dip, also fine, if it's a direct "That's really not your business" then I think that's fine too.

Personally I would have a repertoire of silly responses and use them according to whim, but that's me. You have some great suggestions on here.

I'm with you, actually; I find scars fascinating and will listen, enthralled, to the stories if the person chooses to tell me.  I wrote a short prose once about how scars are like a picture book on the skin.  I don't know what it is, but I like them.



I have cutting scars on my right wrist.  You would be surprised (or maybe not) at how many people say, "Oh, weren't getting enough attention?" or the likes (it was said as if I would only do such a thing because I wanted attention, like how people say gay is a choice and gay people are only doing it to get attention ::))  I don't know if people think they're being smart or funny or what, but I always just give them the most pitying look.  Not only does it confuse them but it helps feed the confusion when I say something flippant like, "That monkey really, really did not like his tutu."

ETA: sparksals, do what you think will work for you.  I think you have received a lot of great advise.
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Fleur

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #67 on: June 11, 2013, 02:02:36 PM »


Sorry you're going through this rudeness, Sparksals! I also hope that the operation was a success.

Chip2

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #68 on: June 11, 2013, 05:20:18 PM »
I have a highly visible scar running from from my wristbone along the side and back of my hand past the base of my thumb. It gets a the occasional eyebrow, but the fun part is honestly answering questions about it by saying, "Just got this playing chess...."

I leave the details to their imaginations.

sparksals

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #69 on: June 12, 2013, 05:58:00 PM »
Of course, no one has asked since I have the "Someone slit my throat' response.  My girlfriend's liked it when I told them about it last night. 

mbbored

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #70 on: June 12, 2013, 06:30:39 PM »
Of course, no one has asked since I have the "Someone slit my throat' response.  My girlfriend's liked it when I told them about it last night.

Isn't that the way it goes! I hope nobody bugs you about it. In the mean time, let me tell you about the scar on my leg I got when I saved a little boy from a shark...

mime

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #71 on: June 12, 2013, 07:23:47 PM »
When younger DD wears a tank type top or something scoop necked, you can see the top of her heart surgery scar.  It amazed me the amount of busy bodies that would get a look on their face and say (to a 2 yr old!) what happened???!!!  I would just mumble surgery and walk away...I didn't want her to get upset by people saying things.  Now (at the age of 6) she will gladly tell you aaaaaaalllllllll about that surgery (she can't remember it, just that she was in the hospital and had lots of balloons) but she just goes on and on about how they cut into her chest..so veryvery TMI but it makes people run away, sorry they ever asked.   >:D

I love that she responds so well! My son lost the end of 2 fingers when he was 4 and I have worried that he will have to respond to overstepping questions. So far, he takes it in stride, and his fingers are probably not noticable enough for people to start asking questions. But at home, he said that he likes one hand and hates the other.  :(

I have wondered just from my own observations if kids get more questions than adults, as if it were less rude to question a child or a teen about a scar? I remember all of the comments when I was 8 years old and in a bike accident that resulted in all the skin torn off one side of my face. Amazingly, I healed with no lasting scars, but adults pointing and staring and coming back for another look or to show someone else, and asking what happened was upsetting.


HyenaInPetticoats

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #72 on: June 12, 2013, 07:41:01 PM »

I have very slightly darker pigmentation on the left of my chin. I have been asked several times if I've tried applying fake tan, the worst one i've had is someone insisting my face is grubby, and asking if I washed it that morning. I tried telling the person, um, no, my skin colour is jsut patchy, but they kept insisting it must be dirt  :o :o :o

Winterlight

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #73 on: June 12, 2013, 08:04:40 PM »

I might also say, very seriously, "There can be only one."

Perfect!

I also like "Heidelberg dueling scar." Or, "I was at the Red Wedding- and lived."
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To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
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citadelle

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #74 on: June 12, 2013, 08:05:39 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.