Author Topic: Where Did The Scar Come From?  (Read 10123 times)

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Mental Magpie

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #75 on: June 12, 2013, 08:17:16 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.

What a kid!
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sparksals

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #76 on: June 12, 2013, 09:19:40 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.


He sure did!  I may have to steal his response!

citadelle

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #77 on: June 12, 2013, 09:42:25 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.


He sure did!  I may have to steal his response!

I am sure he'd be thrilled if you did! I learn from the kids every day.  :)

veronaz

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #78 on: June 12, 2013, 10:17:21 PM »
I had a blast readning this thread.  ;D

Possum, you are BAD.  >:D

My favorites:
Quote
"What scar?"

""You tell me how you got yours first!"


Isometric

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #79 on: June 12, 2013, 11:56:24 PM »
I have one too.

I love it when people think they're smoothly segueing into asking about it, but to me it sounds more like

"I just love potatoes. Oh hey, speaking of potatoes, how'd you get that scar?"


Biker Granny

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #80 on: June 13, 2013, 11:07:04 AM »
I love the answers....
I'd have to answer.....Well....I asked this person how they got their scar and they took offense to it. >:D

Minmom3

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #81 on: June 13, 2013, 12:09:16 PM »

I have very slightly darker pigmentation on the left of my chin. I have been asked several times if I've tried applying fake tan, the worst one i've had is someone insisting my face is grubby, and asking if I washed it that morning. I tried telling the person, um, no, my skin colour is jsut patchy, but they kept insisting it must be dirt  :o :o :o

All my children have birth marks of one kind or another.  Not port wine stains, just small areas of darker pigmentation.  But they were not born with them, they showed up a few years down the line.  #1 has one on the front of her left thigh, and it's teeny spots, not a smooth tan(er) spot.  It took me a few WEEKS of bathing the child to realize that it wasn't dirt on her leg that I was unable to wash off, it was a birth mark.  I cannot beGIN to convey just how stupid I felt when I realized that...   :-[  Like, TERMINALLY stupid.  My own child, and it takes me that much time to realize such a thing?!?!?   I was a lot less stupid when additional birth marks showed up on #1, and then on the Reds.

Then, there's the facial pigmentation blotching.  My mother had that, although I think it's evened out over the decades, but it was noticeable in her 30's and 40's.  I read, when I was pregnant, that pregnancy can cause that blotchy pigmentation on the face, and that sunbathing while pregnant can make it permanent.  (most likely the cause of my mother's facial blotching)  So, I vowed that I wasn't sunbathing at all while pregnant...  I never GOT the blotching at all, so actually didn't have to worry about making it permanent.  Could you put a bit of power or foundation on and even out the coloring that way?  I know my mother's variation didn't show through her makeup, and she did wear makeup every day until she hit her early 80's.  Don't think it was to cover the blotching, I think that was a handy bonus, but she was the kind of woman who NEVER went out without her 'face on'.
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sparksals

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #82 on: June 15, 2013, 11:54:21 AM »
I have started getting that blotching pigmentation on my face.  Freckles getting bigger and general age spots.  My cousin and I have a big, round freckle on our right cheek bone.  Same spot, same size, same colour.  It is just part of our skin colouring that grew as we aged.  Strange, eh?


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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #83 on: June 15, 2013, 08:24:35 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.
A friend's daughter has had several heart surgeries. She got a transplant sometime before she was three (right after they adopted her, they got VERY lucky with the heart because she was far down on the list but was there when the heart donor's parents decided to pull the plug and none of the other kids' parents could get them there in time. My friend was actually in the waiting room with the donor's mother and didn't realize it until the surgery was over.  :'( )

Her scars are... numerous and hard to miss. I don't think she has ever had stitches put in that did not get torn at least once, usually more than that. Some problem with her skin or something. The point is, her scars start just under the holow of her neck and veer to the left, onto her back, to her navel, its pretty ikky. She is scared she's never going to "look normal" and nopw that her sister is "developing" she has this new set of fears of what she will "develop" Her parent's have a fund in case they need to get her plastic surgery to keep her sanity, its that bad. She REALLY hates to be asked about them. Naturally she does get asked by strangers every few weeks or so. So she finally decided if SHE has to be uncomfortable, so do they. (She's now 8-9 or so.)

So she glares and says (paraphrased, since it involves more detail when she's angrier, and less when she's not.) "Its my transplant. Where I got my new heart. From a little boy whose car was hit by a drunk driver, and whose brain died before the ambulance even got there. My parents are very glad I have this heart, but I bet his aren't. He'd be just my age now, his birthday was two weeks before mine. So everytime I blow out the candles I'm blowing out the ones HE should be blowing out." She can go on... and on... and on. Until the person desprately wishes they never asked and if they try to excuse themselves she gets an offended face and calls after them "Well YOU asked! If you didn't want an answer YOU should've kept your tongue!" Its... weird. She is not a happy child. She just isn't.

Weird Fact: My friend is still in touch with the donor's parents. Without realizing it, they live about six miles from each other. So they have dinner occasionally.
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Ms Marple

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #84 on: June 16, 2013, 04:47:35 AM »
I have an 1 inch scar on my left cheekbone from an encounter with barbed wire since I was 3 years old. It has nicely faded. If someone asks about it, my standard reply is 'Pirates! I have a scar, my teddybear lost his ear during that fight, but we still won.'

citadelle

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #85 on: June 16, 2013, 01:00:48 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.
A friend's daughter has had several heart surgeries. She got a transplant sometime before she was three (right after they adopted her, they got VERY lucky with the heart because she was far down on the list but was there when the heart donor's parents decided to pull the plug and none of the other kids' parents could get them there in time. My friend was actually in the waiting room with the donor's mother and didn't realize it until the surgery was over.  :'( )

Her scars are... numerous and hard to miss. I don't think she has ever had stitches put in that did not get torn at least once, usually more than that. Some problem with her skin or something. The point is, her scars start just under the holow of her neck and veer to the left, onto her back, to her navel, its pretty ikky. She is scared she's never going to "look normal" and nopw that her sister is "developing" she has this new set of fears of what she will "develop" Her parent's have a fund in case they need to get her plastic surgery to keep her sanity, its that bad. She REALLY hates to be asked about them. Naturally she does get asked by strangers every few weeks or so. So she finally decided if SHE has to be uncomfortable, so do they. (She's now 8-9 or so.)

So she glares and says (paraphrased, since it involves more detail when she's angrier, and less when she's not.) "Its my transplant. Where I got my new heart. From a little boy whose car was hit by a drunk driver, and whose brain died before the ambulance even got there. My parents are very glad I have this heart, but I bet his aren't. He'd be just my age now, his birthday was two weeks before mine. So everytime I blow out the candles I'm blowing out the ones HE should be blowing out." She can go on... and on... and on. Until the person desprately wishes they never asked and if they try to excuse themselves she gets an offended face and calls after them "Well YOU asked! If you didn't want an answer YOU should've kept your tongue!" Its... weird. She is not a happy child. She just isn't.

Weird Fact: My friend is still in touch with the donor's parents. Without realizing it, they live about six miles from each other. So they have dinner occasionally.

It sounds like this girl may need to talk to someone about her feelings regarding her surgery. Poor kid.

Jones

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #86 on: June 16, 2013, 01:07:56 PM »
Kimblee, I want to hug everyone in that family, especially that little girl. I have a 7 year old daughter and could easily see her act the same way were she in a similar experience.

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #87 on: June 16, 2013, 03:02:55 PM »
OK, here is a story from the other side. We went to a water park on the last day of school. One of my 7th graders, a boy who I have been very close to throughout the year, had a huge scar on his chest and one on his back. It looked like heart surgery.

Since I had never before seen him without a shirt, I was shocked. I have known this kid well, helped him write speeches, he hangs out in my classroom before school starts, etc. I am definitely his favorite teacher.  I know I should not have said anything, but I said, "You have a big owie." He responded, "Ninja fight. You should see the other guy!"

He totally ehelled me. And good for him.
A friend's daughter has had several heart surgeries. She got a transplant sometime before she was three (right after they adopted her, they got VERY lucky with the heart because she was far down on the list but was there when the heart donor's parents decided to pull the plug and none of the other kids' parents could get them there in time. My friend was actually in the waiting room with the donor's mother and didn't realize it until the surgery was over.  :'( )

Her scars are... numerous and hard to miss. I don't think she has ever had stitches put in that did not get torn at least once, usually more than that. Some problem with her skin or something. The point is, her scars start just under the holow of her neck and veer to the left, onto her back, to her navel, its pretty ikky. She is scared she's never going to "look normal" and nopw that her sister is "developing" she has this new set of fears of what she will "develop" Her parent's have a fund in case they need to get her plastic surgery to keep her sanity, its that bad. She REALLY hates to be asked about them. Naturally she does get asked by strangers every few weeks or so. So she finally decided if SHE has to be uncomfortable, so do they. (She's now 8-9 or so.)

So she glares and says (paraphrased, since it involves more detail when she's angrier, and less when she's not.) "Its my transplant. Where I got my new heart. From a little boy whose car was hit by a drunk driver, and whose brain died before the ambulance even got there. My parents are very glad I have this heart, but I bet his aren't. He'd be just my age now, his birthday was two weeks before mine. So everytime I blow out the candles I'm blowing out the ones HE should be blowing out." She can go on... and on... and on. Until the person desprately wishes they never asked and if they try to excuse themselves she gets an offended face and calls after them "Well YOU asked! If you didn't want an answer YOU should've kept your tongue!" Its... weird. She is not a happy child. She just isn't.

Weird Fact: My friend is still in touch with the donor's parents. Without realizing it, they live about six miles from each other. So they have dinner occasionally.

It sounds like this girl may need to talk to someone about her feelings regarding her surgery. Poor kid.

Yeah. She's been through three "someones" but she hasn't clicked with a therapist yet. She says they judge her. She also goes to group therapies for PTSD. And on a good day she is just the picture of joy and happiness, she rides her bike with her brother and sister, she goes fishing with her granddad, she seems 'normal' but then it just crumbles. She just can't stand people bringing her attention back to the scars, or maybe its the reminder of why they're there.

Lately there's been a lot of hope though. She's been seeing the same therapist for six weeks and no refusals to go. And they adopted a 4th child, a baby boy whose arrival seems to have multiplied her good days. Even though she was the first "adoption" (they had friend's SO's daughter from another relationship) she's always been the youngest. The 2nd adoption was a boy who is a year or so older than her. The big sister role seems cut for her nicely, as are the higher cut "I'm the big sister" tshirts that match the little guy's onsies. (They have five sets. Yes, all of our friends think alike when it comes to baby gifts. They also have two sets in toddler sizes.)

So she's got her good times. And is teaching her little chunk of the world why you din't ask beyond the phrase "Please don't ask. i don't like to think about it." one hapless target at a time.(And if she's feeling good, and hasn't had her good vibes totally ruined, she does sometimes use something as simple as "I was saved by a heart transplant. At three. Please, think of where a 3 year old's heart may come from." And then just stares at them.)

Man I threadjacked. But I just wanted to assure folks that while she has some hard times (and certainly would not be harmed by some hugs. The mental kind are 100% guaranteed not to mess with any stitches.) she isn't ALWAYS such a miserable little thing. Sometimes she's just a laughing, sweet, sometimes morbid kid who wants someone to explain to her whether they can use "third hand" organs. (as in one that has been transplanted before. She's not suicidal or anything, she just wants to know and her heart doctor said he'd find out but didn't follow through.)
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whim

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Re: Where Did The Scar Come From?
« Reply #88 on: June 16, 2013, 03:56:57 PM »
I had open heart surgery 6 years ago when I was 30. It took 3-4 years for the scar to fade. Truthfully, I even forgot I had the scar at times. I had so much going on at that time that made even open heart surgery seem minor. (My bio dad, grandmother and my mom all passed within 9 months of each other and all unexpected.) So when someone would ask about it, I would honestly say "what scar?"  Or "which one?" 

I actually don't mind answering questions if I have the time. I wear scrubs for my work and I'm not bothered by it enough to try and hide it.  Its not very interesting, so I might answer "I had surgery. No biggie." And move the conversation along. Tho a few months ago, some guy I barely knew  asked how I got it. I answered "cut myself shaving!" And walked away. The look on his face was priceless since the scar is obviously on my chest. (Plus he works in the medical field and it is an obvious heart surgery scar)