General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.

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Alias:
A bit of a funny email recently, thought I’d get opinions on it.  I’m putting this in ‘day’s work’ rather than wedding because the problem is about the co-workers, not the wedding. It could be any event.

Background:
I work for a large company, around 2000 employees. A friend from school, Candy, works here as well.  She works in Finance, I work in Sales, so we don’t actually have anything to do with each other in a business capacity.  Candy met one of my co-workers from Sales (someone I don’t work directly with, and didn’t know at the time) and they since started going out and are getting married.  They also don’t have anything to do with each other within the business.  There is no rule, written or unwritten, about inter office romances - there are many and they are accepted.

Candy has kept the relationship very quiet around the office.  Her co-workers know she’s in a relationship, his first name, and now that she’s getting married.  They do not know he works in another department of the company.  A few people in my area have twigged the relationship and made comments about the groom ‘marrying up’ (the worst I know of is ‘she might come to her senses before the wedding’, basically people have a higher opinion of Candy than her fiancé. They both know this.)  Some people know I know Candy and am invited to the wedding as a friend. No other co-workers are invited from either side.

Today I got an email from Candy:
‘I just wanted to ask that you please don’t know any photos of myself and [fiancé] to people in work! I don’t mind you showing a photo of me, but I really don’t want people to see me and [fiancé].  Maybe you could bluff and say you didn’t get any of us together, or you don’t have your camera with you, or whatever. And maybe avoid putting photos on facebook if you’re friend with people from work!  Sorry to sound Bridezilla, I just don’t need the hassle!’

So is this a reasonable request?  Is she reasonable to think she can continue to hide her relationship (and marriage!) from the entire company?  Or should she just suck it up, take the slagging, and move on?

Shoo:
I can't imagine why you'd be showing photos of Candy's wedding anyway, but I don't think her request is unreasonable  at all.  She wants to keep her private life private, and that's her business, nobody else's.  It doesn't sound like she's trying to hide her marriage from the company, just from the busy bodies who want to gossip about her.  I don't blame her a bit.

Kiwichick:
I don't think her request is unreasonable, her possible expectation that she can keep her marriage secret is another matter entirely :)

Alias:

--- Quote from: Shoo on June 04, 2013, 10:55:57 AM ---I can't imagine why you'd be showing photos of Candy's wedding anyway, but I don't think her request is unreasonable  at all.  She wants to keep her private life private, and that's her business, nobody else's.  It doesn't sound like she's trying to hide her marriage from the company, just from the busy bodies who want to gossip about her.  I don't blame her a bit.

--- End quote ---

That's probably part of why I thought it so odd - it never occurred to me to show my coworker pics of a wedding I'm at (even when they know the groom!) or put them on facebook.

As for keeping it hidden, AFAIK she still has her contact details as her parents house so that they don't have the same address on file.  She won't change her name to his because they 'work together'.  I do think she is trying to keep it hidden.

NyaChan:

--- Quote from: Shoo on June 04, 2013, 10:55:57 AM ---I can't imagine why you'd be showing photos of Candy's wedding anyway, but I don't think her request is unreasonable  at all.  She wants to keep her private life private, and that's her business, nobody else's.  It doesn't sound like she's trying to hide her marriage from the company, just from the busy bodies who want to gossip about her.  I don't blame her a bit.

--- End quote ---

This.  It isn't unreasonable to ask a friend to help protect her from people who are gossiping from her.  I'm not seeing that they are hiding their marriage at all.  They aren't pretending not to be dating or getting married - they simply aren't talking about it in the workplace which is IMO entirely appropriate.  I don't know why you would show the people who have been unkind to Cindy and her fiance these pictures anyways, though really, even if they weren't unkind, why show them pictures of something they were not invited to? 

Saw your additional information - I can see why she would think to mention something.  These days people post pictures of everything online and can so easily pull up photos on their phones, that I can understand why she'd want to be careful about it.  Also, I don't think it is all that unusual for a husband and wife to want to be treated as separate professionals in the workplace rather than have it be known that they are a couple.  I only found out that at least 2 sets of my professors were married to one another my last year of school, and even then it was only because there were rumors of a student affair in one marriage and an invite to the home of the other couple for a party.

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