Author Topic: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.  (Read 9840 times)

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Alias

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not.
« Reply #30 on: June 25, 2013, 05:02:31 AM »
I'm updating this rather hesitantly with a related question...

The wedding happened. It was lovely.  I got asked by two people about it.  The first I told them yes, it happened and it was lovely.  No mention of sharing pictures, all good.
The second person was a bit more troublesome.

He asked did 'groom' get married recently, is that why he's been off? I said yes. He told me he learned about the wedding on the radio (dedication of a song to the bride and groom the day before the wedding) and that he's rather hurt that he wasn't at least told about it if not invited, since he regularly plays tennis with the groom. I did my best not to get involved, but explained that I wasn't a guest of the groom, I have connections (no mention of work) to the bride.

So do I tell the bride and groom that there is some bad will brewing about their secrecy?  They are still on honeymoon but I could email their work accounts for when they return to the office.

Perfect Circle

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #31 on: June 25, 2013, 05:10:58 AM »
I would stay completely out of the whole situation and not tell the couple - otherwise you end up being the middle man and you do not want to be in that position.


Maybe he's caught in the legend
maybe he's caught in the mood
Maybe these maps and legends
Have been misunderstood

The map that you painted didn't seem real
He just sings whatever he's seen
Point to the legend, point to the east
Point to the yellow, red, and green

YummyMummy66

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #32 on: June 25, 2013, 08:04:16 AM »
In this case, I would say something if asked.

If the bride comes to you and reminds you about not sharing pictures again, I would reply, "Candy, I told you I would not do that, but if you wanted to keep this wedding so private and did not want anyone to know, why did you dedicate a song on the radio???    Sorry, but people know and are now talking about it".  If she asks further, "You know what?  I don't want to be involved anymore.  This was your decision.  You can deal with it.  I am not going to go back and forth on who said what, when, where, how, etc.".

dawbs

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #33 on: June 25, 2013, 08:29:12 AM »
Ya know...it's kinda jerky and gossipy to tell you how hurt he is by the lack of news/invite.  someone doing that is sucking you in more than the bride and groom are.

MrTango

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #34 on: June 25, 2013, 08:41:27 AM »
In this case, I would say something if asked.

If the bride comes to you and reminds you about not sharing pictures again, I would reply, "Candy, I told you I would not do that, but if you wanted to keep this wedding so private and did not want anyone to know, why did you dedicate a song on the radio???    Sorry, but people know and are now talking about it".  If she asks further, "You know what?  I don't want to be involved anymore.  This was your decision.  You can deal with it.  I am not going to go back and forth on who said what, when, where, how, etc.".

Personally, I'd say nothing, even if asked.

If the bride came to me to remind me about not sharing pictures, I'd tell her that I have not shared and will not share any pictures.

Beyond that, I'd say nothing.

lowspark

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #35 on: June 25, 2013, 09:14:44 AM »
In this case, I would say something if asked.

If the bride comes to you and reminds you about not sharing pictures again, I would reply, "Candy, I told you I would not do that, but if you wanted to keep this wedding so private and did not want anyone to know, why did you dedicate a song on the radio???    Sorry, but people know and are now talking about it".  If she asks further, "You know what?  I don't want to be involved anymore.  This was your decision.  You can deal with it.  I am not going to go back and forth on who said what, when, where, how, etc.".

Personally, I'd say nothing, even if asked.

If the bride came to me to remind me about not sharing pictures, I'd tell her that I have not shared and will not share any pictures.

Beyond that, I'd say nothing.

POD.

Morrigan

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #36 on: June 25, 2013, 09:20:25 AM »
In this case, I would say something if asked.

If the bride comes to you and reminds you about not sharing pictures again, I would reply, "Candy, I told you I would not do that, but if you wanted to keep this wedding so private and did not want anyone to know, why did you dedicate a song on the radio???    Sorry, but people know and are now talking about it".  If she asks further, "You know what?  I don't want to be involved anymore.  This was your decision.  You can deal with it.  I am not going to go back and forth on who said what, when, where, how, etc.".

Personally, I'd say nothing, even if asked.

If the bride came to me to remind me about not sharing pictures, I'd tell her that I have not shared and will not share any pictures.

Beyond that, I'd say nothing.

POD.

Another parking my POD.

And: it's on page 1 for me.  ;)  Some posters have their posts set up to max per page (which is 40 or 50), so the pages aren't consistant.

TootsNYC

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #37 on: June 25, 2013, 10:55:21 AM »
"Candy, I told you I would not do that, but if you wanted to keep this wedding so private and did not want anyone to know, why did you dedicate a song on the radio???    Sorry, but people know and are now talking about it".

I don't think they created the dedication--someone ELSE did it.

That's usually how it works, esp. since the dedication was to the bride and groom (as a unit) and not "from the bride TO the groom."

I wouldn't say anything. That's just telling tales. The guy who is offended might never be offended ENOUGH to say anything to the groom, and it might completely blow over--not least because Offended Guy might *want* to let it blow over.

Or he might even be deluding himself a bit about how close he is to the groom.

Don't create an awkward situation for the groom. The relationship between the groom and Offended Guy is their to manage--don't try to manage it for them.

Ya know...it's kinda jerky and gossipy to tell you how hurt he is by the lack of news/invite.  someone doing that is sucking you in more than the bride and groom are.

Yep! And it's not polite to help them play their game. People who gossip are bad enough; the WORST people are the people who repeat gossip to the person in question.

Just leave it. This is their life, not yours. Theirs may have more intriguing drama, but it's not your drama. Your only role is to not talk about it much and to not show pictures of someone else's wedding.

bah12

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not.
« Reply #38 on: June 25, 2013, 11:10:44 AM »
I'm updating this rather hesitantly with a related question...

The wedding happened. It was lovely.  I got asked by two people about it.  The first I told them yes, it happened and it was lovely.  No mention of sharing pictures, all good.
The second person was a bit more troublesome.

He asked did 'groom' get married recently, is that why he's been off? I said yes. He told me he learned about the wedding on the radio (dedication of a song to the bride and groom the day before the wedding) and that he's rather hurt that he wasn't at least told about it if not invited, since he regularly plays tennis with the groom. I did my best not to get involved, but explained that I wasn't a guest of the groom, I have connections (no mention of work) to the bride.

So do I tell the bride and groom that there is some bad will brewing about their secrecy?  They are still on honeymoon but I could email their work accounts for when they return to the office.

No.  You shouldn't say anything.  Again, I have to say that I don't blame the bride and groom for not wanting to talk about their wedding at work considering the comments that coworkers have felt the need to say regarding their personal life.  If coworker #2 is so hurt that he wasn't told about the wedding, then he can confront the groom himself.  This isn't your place...and neither is it your place to suggest to the bride that she should be more open about her personal life at work.  They have every right to do what they are doing in regards to talking about their wedding and relationship (or in this case, not).  It isn't wrong, regardless of how much your gossippy coworkers don't like it. 

NyaChan

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #39 on: June 25, 2013, 12:24:10 PM »
You know, at this point, it almost seems like you are expecting or seeking drama.  So what if this guy came up and asked you some questions?  This is not a big deal and does not involve you.  If this whole secret thing blows up in their faces, that shouldn't be your problem.  There is no need to leave them an email for them to come back to and read about how someone mentioned that they were upset that they didn't get invited and heard about it on the radio.
This situation just calls a quote to mind so I'll put it here: 

"Borrow trouble for yourself, if that's your nature, but don't lend it to your neighbors."  -Rudyard Kipling

Alias

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #40 on: June 25, 2013, 04:24:23 PM »
Thanks, you're all right.  This has nothing to do with me, so I'm going to forget the conversation.  I'm going to continue on as I have been... not offering any information, but not lying for them either.

Sheila Take a Bow

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #41 on: June 25, 2013, 04:31:55 PM »
Thanks, you're all right.  This has nothing to do with me, so I'm going to forget the conversation.  I'm going to continue on as I have been... not offering any information, but not lying for them either.

It wouldn't be lying for them if you answered questions with, "I'm sorry, but I'm not comfortable discussing my coworker's private life with you."  That would certainly be more discreet and when people realize you're not willing to provide them any information, they'll stop asking questions.

Marbles

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #42 on: June 25, 2013, 06:05:37 PM »
Perhaps "I'm not close enough to them to know the details of that" is the way to go. It lets whoever you are talking to know that it isn't something you know or want to speculate about.

lowspark

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #43 on: June 26, 2013, 08:01:22 AM »
Perhaps "I'm not close enough to them to know the details of that" is the way to go. It lets whoever you are talking to know that it isn't something you know or want to speculate about.

I like that. It's a really good answer.

LadyClaire

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #44 on: June 26, 2013, 09:43:25 AM »
I kept my wedding very, very quiet at work. People on my campus knew, but the people on the campus I'd left earlier in the year did not know that I got married for a very long time. I kept it quiet so the word wouldn't get back to my father. We had worked for the same campus for a long time. He did something illegal and got fired, and I transferred to a different campus to avoid the gossip that everyone was eagerly engaging in. He was a very toxic person and it was the last straw, so I cut off all contact with him. He wasn't invited to my wedding and I didn't want him to find out about it until after it was over and done with.

Of course, word eventually trickled back to the old campus, and people ran wild with the gossip that I'd gotten married, and that my father hadn't been present at the wedding. When I finally got my wedding pictures, I didn't post them on facebook or circulate them at work because again, I didn't want people taking them and sending them to my Dad.

I'm sure your co-worker has far less dramatic reasons for wanting to keep her marriage secret, but still..she probably has good reasons and I'd just accept her request and stay quiet if anyone else asks you about it.