Author Topic: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.  (Read 9392 times)

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lmyrs

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #45 on: July 02, 2013, 06:46:00 PM »
You really need to end the idea in your head that refusing to engage in any conversation about this is "lying for them". There's a difference and you need to realize it. Saying that it's not your business or that the gossiper needs to talk directly to the couple is not lying. In fact, it is the truth.

Stormtreader

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #46 on: July 03, 2013, 11:38:56 AM »
I like the phrase "I really couldn't say", it implies you dont know but isnt a lie.

chicajojobe

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #47 on: July 03, 2013, 08:32:22 PM »
I agree it almost seems like you're creating a self-fulfilling prophecy when it comes to drama around this.

Or, based on your co-worker complaining to you about not being invited to someone else's wedding, maybe your office really is that gossipy and that's precisely why Candy and her husband don't want people knowing about their relationship.

Either way, you didn't even have to go into as much detail as saying that you have connections to the bride. You could have just said "I wouldn't know anything about that" or a non-committal "I don't know." It's not lying. Candy didn't specifically go into detail about why that particular man was not invited to the wedding, right? So you DON'T know anything about why he wasn't invited eventhough he feels he's close enough to the groom to have been.
You probably could have even said nothing at all. He wasn't looking for an explanation from you, he just wanted an ear to listen to him trash the groom behind his back.

blarg314

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #48 on: July 03, 2013, 09:26:59 PM »
You really need to end the idea in your head that refusing to engage in any conversation about this is "lying for them". There's a difference and you need to realize it. Saying that it's not your business or that the gossiper needs to talk directly to the couple is not lying. In fact, it is the truth.

I think this is a very good point.

"No, they didn't get married" is a lie. "You'll have to ask Candy about that" is not. "Yes, they did. I was at the wedding" means that you aren't willing to keep the information quiet, and should warn Candy about that.

Personally, I think Candy's quest is doomed to failure. I can understand why she doesn't want to open themselves up to the kind of ridicule they are likely to get at the office, but given the circumstances and the gossipy nature of the office, I don't think there is any chance.

But the key is that you don't want to be one of the gossip vectors. If people go to Candy and say that Alias told them she and BF got married last weekend, then she will (rightly) know that you are someone who can't be trusted to keep information confidential when asked. And there's a good chance that she will be angry at you, or will drop you from her list of trusted people.

Of course, saying "You'll have to ask Candy about that" basically tells people that there is something to hide (part of the reason I don't think that Candy is going to be able to keep her wedding quiet), but you're not the one who is spilling the beans.


TootsNYC

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Re: Keeping work and home seperate when they're not. New prob pg3.
« Reply #49 on: July 05, 2013, 07:30:06 PM »
Or, when they say "did Candy get married to Bill?" you can say, "Look, don't ask me questions about Candy. I'm not the gossip source here. Let's get back to work."

You are absolutely *not* required to answer just every single question everybody ever asks of you.

You don't even have to say, "I refuse to answer." You can completely ignore it--pretend as if they didn't say anything. You can say, "I'm busy, do you mind?" You can say, "Why are you so interested in this? I don't understand what it has to do with you. Excuse me I have to get back to work."