Author Topic: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?  (Read 7122 times)

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Bethalize

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #30 on: June 06, 2013, 02:26:26 PM »
"The Rules" was written for women like Susie.  :o

Venus193

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #31 on: June 09, 2013, 01:45:12 PM »
So now, I feel like a 5 yr old and want to just dig my heals in and say "No, you don't get to put me in wait & see status just because your BF puts YOU in wait & see status."


You feel like a 5 year old for this not because its immature of you, but because everyone else learned by 5 years old that your friend's behavior is obnoxious.

I think its not only perfectly ok, but high time, you say to your friend "no I won't wait and see. Either you want to make plans with me, or you want to make plans with your boyfriend. Either is fine but I'm not a back-up plan. I deserve to be given priority for plans once in a while. If you can't come I'll invite someone else, but I'm sure as heck not putting my plans on hold for your boyfriend."

I mean sure, once in a while people can't commit to advance plans, and sure its reasonable for anyone to say "hey let me check on that date/time and get back to you" (and then respond in a reasonable time) but its not ok to never make advance plans and expect other people to just wait to the last minute all the time. And if she is going to choose to do that, she needs to be the one who suffers/looses out, not anyone else.

Well, there's always, "Suzie, are you really happy with being a booty call? Is that what you want from a relationship?"

I agree with both of these.

Susie's BF does not respect her and she is being a doormat.  She is also pushing away friends with her lack of respect for their healthy boundaries. 

If it comes to this:

Quote
...the sad possibility that she may accuse you of "being jealous" of her relationship... I've seen this sort of thing happen before.

then she is a sorry case and I would just walk away.

TootsNYC

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #32 on: June 09, 2013, 03:08:20 PM »
"The Rules" was written for women like Susie.  :o

Yeah, right?

I know someone who honestly needs "The Rules." Most of the women I know don't, but this particular one...

Amava

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #33 on: June 09, 2013, 03:15:05 PM »
"The Rules" was written for women like Susie.  :o

Yeah, right?

I know someone who honestly needs "The Rules." Most of the women I know don't, but this particular one...

I don't know what that is... a book? A site?
Sounds interesting so help me out here?

Miss Unleaded

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #34 on: June 10, 2013, 06:44:06 AM »
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules

Some of them are common sense ('Don't Date a Married Man') others are ridiculous IMO ('Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date'). Many of them I broke myself ('Stop dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day') but still managed to get a husband  ;)

Amava

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #35 on: June 10, 2013, 07:48:35 AM »
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rules

Some of them are common sense ('Don't Date a Married Man') others are ridiculous IMO ('Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date'). Many of them I broke myself ('Stop dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day') but still managed to get a husband  ;)
Thanks so much for sharing! That was an... interesting read.   :o That's all I'm going to say about it lest I completely derail the thread.

Bethalize

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #36 on: June 10, 2013, 02:16:18 PM »
Thanks so much for sharing! That was an... interesting read.   :o That's all I'm going to say about it lest I completely derail the thread.

As one poster said to me when I asked the US people their views: "If you have no confidence, no boundaries, no interests and in fact no life outside of wanting a husband this will help you fake it until you make it." I'm paraphrasing a little, but that was the main point.

quietgirl

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #37 on: June 10, 2013, 02:21:25 PM »
I'm thinking a better book would be "He's Just Not That Into You".   ;)

Iris

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #38 on: June 11, 2013, 03:13:21 AM »
I'm thinking a better book would be "He's Just Not That Into You".   ;)

Yes. This. 'The Rules' might teach her how to play stupid (imo) games to get his attention but HJNTIY is probably what she actually needs to hear.
"Can't do anything with children, can you?" the woman said.

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KB

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Re: Am I being rude or setting boundaries?
« Reply #39 on: June 11, 2013, 08:24:33 AM »
I'm thinking a better book would be "He's Just Not That Into You".   ;)

I read a comment the other day that said something along the lines of the fact that that book was worthless and should be ignored because it "denied men and women their proper place [sic]."

I must admit I snorted and closed the browser window.