General Etiquette > Family and Children

Inviting half of a social "unit," when their "other half" is rude/disrespectful

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This pertains to my sister's upcoming second wedding - and the half of the couple she has invited, is her eldest son.  The "other half" that is not invited, is his girlfriend/fiancee/mother of my sister's grandchild.  However, I do believe that the situation applies to other areas than weddings.  So I'd like to see how my fellow EHellions feel.  The only thing that makes this "different," is the fact that one of the members of the couple in question, is direct family.

So...what do you do?  My sister would love to have her son there.  His younger brother will be attending (not sure if he's bringing anyone).  Unfortunately, the eldest son's "partner" has been so rude, disrespectful and downright nasty to my sister, that she is unwelcome.  This is not without substantiation.  BUT...

Son has refused to attend his mother's second wedding, without his girlfriend.  "Either she comes too, or I don't - AND you will never see your granddaughter again, until you apologize - and maybe not even then."

I understand both sides of this - especially after being here for as many years as I have.  Should my sister have done her best to ignore the rude girlfriend, so that she could have her eldest son at her special event (even though the girlfriend would make it a point to cause a problem)?  OR...should she just not have invited either of them?

My own daughter did not get an invitation to this shindig, which kind of irked me as well.  However, my sister didn't feel that she would be able to take time away from work, to make the cross-country trip to attend.  She was right, my daughter cannot take the time off on that date - but an invitation would have been nice!  She felt rather snubbed by her aunt - and I wanted to reach through the phone and throttle her aunt too - on behalf of EHellions everywhere. 

In some ways (okay, a lot of'em) this smacks of "It's myyyy dayyyyy."  In some cases, I can understand the thought process.  In others...the mind simply boggles. 

Since I currently don't have to worry about a work schedule, because I am unemployed again at the moment, I will be attending this "event."  It will be the first time in 9 years, that I've been able to go back to visit family - and almost all of them will be in attendance - including our parents, who are still living.  So I'm looking forward to that.  I'm NOT looking forward to any drama with my sister and her eldest son.



I think that for somebody who is punishing another for rudeness, your sister is rude herself.  It also seems pretty risky if she wants to see her grandchild again.

Outdoor Girl:
While I fully understand her motivations, I think your sister was wrong.  If this was a girlfriend of a month or two, it would have been fine to invite just her son.  But then, younger son should have been given a single invite, as well, and it sounds like he was given a +1.

But this woman is the mother of her grandchild and is potentially going to marry her son so yes, she should have been invited.  I'm not sure if inviting fDIL now is going to fix this...

Of course, son's little ultimatimum is wrong, as well.

I think this is a situation where you simply stay out of it.

I'm confused, though, why is event in quotes?

I agree that staying out of it is smart! And they are both being overly dramatic, but your sister, who doesn't have etiquette on her side,  is being far worse. She needs to back off, but not because you tell her to.


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