Who chooses the birthday cake flavor? #18, 75

[TomatoBunny]

It's Adam's birthday. His sister, Jackie wants to get him a cake to celebrate his birthday. It's not a party, it's just a cake for Adam, Jackie and their parents. Adam initially tried to say he didn't want a cake, but Jackie kept insisting until he relented.

Then Jackie asks what kind of cake Adam wants, but stipulates it can't be his favorite flavor, chocolate, because she hates chocolate and she wants to be able to eat the cake to celebrate with Adam too. Adam is not thrilled at the 'no chocolate' ban on his cake. Adam asks about pie, to get more options, but apparently Jackie also doesn't like pie, so she nixed that too. So Adam picks a non-chocolate cake that he likes well enough... which Jackie never produces. Apparently the cake was a lie. [/Portal joke]   

I started wondering what flavor the cake really should be;
Since it's Adam's birthday and so the cake is for him, should it be chocolate for his preference? Or even pie, if that's what he wants?
or
Since there's only 4 people to eat the cake, should it be a flavor/dessert all 4 people like so everyone can celebrate Adam's birthday?

If it were a bigger party, I feel that getting two cakes/dessert options would be an option. Individual sized desserts, cupcakes or cookies could also be substituted, but Jackie was pretty insistent that it should be cake, because you should have caaaaaaaake on your birthday.

[Amava]

I think the birthday person gets to choose, but if it's such a problem get cupcakes in assorted flavours.

Jackie should not try to make someone else's birthday about what she wants and prefers.

[NyaChan]

The birthday person should get what they want.  If everyone else hates it, I'd get a smaller cute cake for the guest of honor and then a separate dessert for the rest that the birthday person could also share in.  But really, if the whole point is to honor the person whose birthday it is, and it is just a matter of personal taste, I'd keep my lip zipped and go with whatever the birthday person wanted.  If I don't get exactly what I want for dessert for one night, it won't kill me.

[Outdoor Girl]

Birthday person gets to choose, IMO.  If you, as the purchaser, don't like the birthday person's choice, you can get two smaller cakes or an assortment of cupcakes so everyone gets something they like.  But to be told on my birthday that I can't have chocolate cake?  Not happening.  Even if I have to go out and buy my own dingdangity cake.   

[jedikaiti]

Honoree's choice, all the way. If he'd prefer a pie, that's fine. If he prefers no sweets, that's fine.

To insist that it must be a cake, and not even in the honoree's preferred flavor is nonsense and quite rude. How would she like it if he insisted that for her birthday they must have chocolate cake?

[Lynn2000]

I think the birthday person gets to choose, but I could imagine some reasonable limits. Like if one of the four people is actually allergic to chocolate, maybe a second-favorite flavor (not involving chocolate) could be a compromise. Or, if someone is actually making the cake, there might be some limitations based on their cooking ability or budget. But if you get into too much negotiation, it stops being a nice, fun thing, you know?

Since Jackie's limitations were so specific, I don't think she should have offered "to get Adam a cake" and then asked what he wanted, except it couldn't be chocolate or pie, etc.. I think she should have offered "to get Adam a carrot cake" or something specific like that. Then if he really hated carrot cake, he could say, "Oh, thanks, but no, that's okay." If you start out with, "I want to get you a cake! What kind do you want?" and then put a lot of restrictions on that, which are based on the personal preferences of the purchaser, it kind of sours the offer, I think. The way the OP is phrased, it sounds like Jackie was making Adam's birthday cake all about what she wanted, and that's not in the spirit of the gift, I don't think.

[Kaypeep]

I think it should be the GOH's choice, but GOH should be mindful of other guests sharing the cake if there could be an extreme issue (ie: GOH loves strawberry shortcake but his mom is allergic to strawberries and will be attending the bday cake sharing.)  In a case where there's a problem like that I'd go with cupcakes or some other alternate dessert option.

On a related note, this thread reminds me of a conversation with my SO recently.

Kaypeep:  Honey, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?
SO:  Pie.
Kaypeep:  What kind of pie?
SO:  Pizza
 

[magicdomino]

I think the birthday person gets to choose, but I could imagine some reasonable limits. Like if one of the four people is actually allergic to chocolate, maybe a second-favorite flavor (not involving chocolate) could be a compromise. Or, if someone is actually making the cake, there might be some limitations based on their cooking ability or budget. But if you get into too much negotiation, it stops being a nice, fun thing, you know?

This.  If someone with a severe peanut allergy is attending, it would be better if Birthday Person skipped the peanut butter frosting.  Birthday Person should also keep in mind Cake Provider's skills and resources; if Cake Provider is an mediocre cook, Birthday Person should ask for a flavor available in a mix.  Other than that, Birthday Person chooses the cake.  I've made cakes that I don't like for people I do like.  Usually, there is something I can nibble on.

[Cat-Fu]

Birthday person chooses. If other attendees don't like the cake, then they can choose not to eat it. I make german chocolate cake every now and then for my DH's birthday, my second least favorite cake. I just "eat"  a tiny slice on his birthday (meaning, shred the cake and eat the caramel frosting) and then make him eat the rest.

[Sharnita]

I agree with "birthday person with some limits". Allergies, availablity and other issues might mean that birthday person doesn't get first choice.

[lowspark]

I think there's two different answers here. If Jackie wants to invite Adam (and whoever else) over for his birthday, and then surprise him with a cake, then it's perfectly acceptable for her to pick a flavor as long as she is sure it is at least something he likes, if not his favorite.

But! The minute she asks him what kind he wants, then she needs to make/buy that kind. And yeah, get cupcakes or a couple different small cakes or whatever if she wants to.

[turnip]

Anecdote time!  For about 20 my cousin has gotten a German Chocolate Cake on his birthday.   About 10 years ago he revealed that he hated German Chocolate cake and had been grinning and bearing it for a decade.  Well the family all found that absolutely hilarious so the tradition never ended - but now he is not expected to eat a slice!

( His birthday is in late November and is always celebrated the day after Thanksgiving.   Invariably there are piles of leftover thanksgiving deserts for him to choose from.  It is just one of those quirky family in-jokes that year after year we eat his cake for him.  I promise he also finds it funny.  )
 

[#borecore]

Birthday person gets to choose.  If you don't want input,  plan a surprise instead.

[TeamBhakta]

I'm getting flashbacks to a friend's birthday in college. His friend "Sarah" had decided they'd have a joint birthday party at a lodge bar. She said "I'll get a chocolate cake for our party." I politely pointed out our friend didn't eat chocolate at all. So she told me with an attitude, "Fine, then I'll get a marble cable.  So he can have vanilla and I can have chocolate."  That party ended up with nobody showing up, the birthday girl getting too smashed and teary to drive home and I don't remember a cake of any kind coming out that whole night. 

[WillyNilly]

The birthday person should get to choose the cake they like (although like I others, I think within reason - if other/important guests have easy to avoid allergies, that flavor/ingredient shoudl be avoided).

...On a related note, this thread reminds me of a conversation with my SO recently.

Kaypeep:  Honey, what kind of cake do you want for your birthday?
SO:  Pie.
Kaypeep:  What kind of pie?
SO:  Pizza
 

OT but this reminded me of a stand up routine I saw once. The comedian was talking about his first night at college and his new roommate, a guy from NYC. The roommate said "hey first night at college we should celebrate! Lets split a pie!" Comedian said "sure sounds good," thinking it a bit weird, but ok, yum, pie. Roommate says "what kind do you like?" Comedian replies "apple". The comedian then told the audience that night he and his roommate dined on a half pepperoni half apple pizza.