Author Topic: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor? #18, 75  (Read 11455 times)

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TeamBhakta

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #60 on: June 14, 2013, 06:10:32 PM »
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Because cake isn't to honour the person having a birthday. It's the focus of the singing, it holds the candles etc. It's a traditional part of celebrating the event, and is supposed to be shared by all the participants.

So when you give someone a cake saying "Congrats on your retirement", are you not honoring them / their special moment then either ?

camlan

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #61 on: June 14, 2013, 06:19:14 PM »
Jackie's biggest faux pas was that she promised a cake and didn't deliver. That's just mean.

As for the flavor of the cake, my feeling is that if you can't have your favorite flavor cake on your birthday, when exactly can you have it?

If you are celebrating your birthday with family and friends, aren't these the same people you'd likely be sharing all your cakes with? That person with the strawberry allergy, that person who doesn't like chocolate--how often are you going to have the choice of the cake flavor when they aren't around to eat it?

I suppose you could bake/buy a cake just for yourself, but most cakes are pretty large for one person to eat.

In fact, because I live alone, pretty much the only time I get cake is at someone else's celebration--when I'm eating their favorite flavor cake--or on my birthday, where you can be sure that if I have any say in the cake, it will be chocolate with buttercream frosting. If someone surprises me with a cake that isn't chocolate, I'll be grateful, but not as happy as I would be if the cake were chocolate. As for example, last year, when my sister kindly gave me a cake--an orange-flavored cake, because she doesn't like chocolate cake. It was a very nice cake, but it didn't feel like my birthday cake, because it wasn't chocolate. Not that Sis will ever hear that from me, of course.
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PastryGoddess

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #62 on: June 14, 2013, 06:21:39 PM »
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Because cake isn't to honour the person having a birthday. It's the focus of the singing, it holds the candles etc. It's a traditional part of celebrating the event, and is supposed to be shared by all the participants.

wha..?? ??? I guess we are going to have to agree to disagree on that then.


Also, to the person who commented about baking the cake.  OP updated and said that Jackie was going to purchase the cake pre-made.  Birthday boy usually baked his own cake for his birthday

CakeEater

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #63 on: June 14, 2013, 06:47:56 PM »
Quote
Because cake isn't to honour the person having a birthday. It's the focus of the singing, it holds the candles etc. It's a traditional part of celebrating the event, and is supposed to be shared by all the participants.

So when you give someone a cake saying "Congrats on your retirement", are you not honoring them / their special moment then either ?

Well, it's a convenient place to write that message, because everyone will see it. But I guess I see the whole event as the celebration of the event, achievement, birthday etc, and the cake flavour as being not an especially integral aspect of the honouring. The cake I see more as a way everyone can share in the celebration.

If people are taking time out of their lives to attend a celebration in my honour, the least I can do is make sure they can enjoy the experience as much as possible. Especially if it's one out of the four attendees.

ladyknight1

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #64 on: June 14, 2013, 11:32:54 PM »
I disagree and think the circular argument is getting us e-hellions nowhere fast.

A birthday should be about the person who is celebrating, and the dessert of their choice should be involved.

Ereine

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #65 on: June 15, 2013, 01:38:54 AM »
If I'm organising the party and baking the cake I would probably consider the guests' preferences (in reality I don't as I don't know anyone who's picky about it, though when I was a child I didn't usually have cake at my parties as one of my friends didn't like it, so we had a pile of ice cream and candy and cookies) but if someone offered to get me cake I would ask for what I like the most and be disappointed if they didn't, especially if they had insisted on getting me the cake. There seems to be a distinction, between asking people to come celebrate me and being offered a celebration. If I'm doing the asking I will try to make it as pleasant and easy as possible for everyone but I guess that if someone else was doing it I'd be more selfish.

Elisabunny

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #66 on: June 15, 2013, 01:02:34 PM »
I used to date a guy who didn't like cake, so I can tell you that fruit pies with a top crust hold candles very well.  Ex-boyfriend didn't like cream pies, so I don't know if merangue or whippled cream can hold candles.

In my family the birthday person chooses the meal and the dessert. I always choose Lemon Meringue pie because I dislike cake. The meringue holds candles just fine. DD & DS always choose a cake from Baskin Robbins, and DH always asks me to make a cake.

Whipped cream holds candles just fine also. 
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jaxsue

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #67 on: June 15, 2013, 01:44:57 PM »
Definitely the honoree gets to choose.

My older DS loves those big chocolate chip cookies with icing on top. Every birthday, that's what he wants. I can't stand them, personally, but it doesn't matter. It's for him. I don't need the calories, anyway!   :-\

The only bad thing is that my birthday is 4 days later. Since he was small (he's 25 now), we had so much leftover birthday cookie that getting a cake for my day just didn't make sense. So, as a result, I haven't had a birthday cake for the last 20+ yrs!

Winterlight

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #68 on: June 15, 2013, 02:01:56 PM »
I feel like making a case that isn't the honoree's choice is kind of like saying, "Here's your present, but not everybody else likes what you wanted, so I got you something similar that everyone else likes."  If you don't want to make what the birthday person wants, don't make or buy the cake.

In the past year or so, I've made or bought cakes for a couple of friends and my girlfriend has made a couple more.  All were honoree's choice, although I didn't like two and my girlfriend didn't like two others.  They weren't for us; they were gifts for our friends.

Agreed. Jackie should either have sucked it up and gotten him what he asked for, or not offered in the first place. And, since he did suggest two compromises, one of which she agreed to, the fact that she then failed to deliver was doubly rude.
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EMuir

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #69 on: June 15, 2013, 02:15:07 PM »
I think it's fine for someone to decline eating dessert if they don't like it, and they should politely say that they're full.  On their birthday they should get their favorite dessert!  Unless it's really out there in flavor, it's not rude to want your favorite dessert one day a year!

missanpan

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #70 on: June 15, 2013, 04:28:07 PM »


Well, it's a convenient place to write that message, because everyone will see it. But I guess I see the whole event as the celebration of the event, achievement, birthday etc, and the cake flavour as being not an especially integral aspect of the honouring. The cake I see more as a way everyone can share in the celebration.

If people are taking time out of their lives to attend a celebration in my honour, the least I can do is make sure they can enjoy the experience as much as possible. Especially if it's one out of the four attendees.
[/quote]

I can see where you're coming from. Tomorrow is Father's Day in the U.S. I have a german chocolate cake for my father. Now I really don't like german chocolate cake. My father, if he knew that I didn't like german chocolate cake, would tell me not to get it. Like you, he would feel better if everyone enjoyed themselves.

However, I would never tell him that I don't like german chocolate cake (knowing he would tell me not to get one) or that he can't have one. This is his special day and I am going to honor him with what he likes. It's not about me. In the OP's scenario, Jackie appears to be quite an SS. First, she insists on a birthday cake, even though he preferred not to have one. Then she insisted on no chocolate cake because she doesn't like it. Then she doesn't even get him a cake at all. It seems she made it all about her.

Also, in regards to the comment about the birthday boy can go and buy himself his favorite cake any day of the year. The same could be said about the unbirthday person.

It's nice if everyone enjoys birthday boy's celebration. But shouldn't the focus be on the birthday boy on that one day? Naturally, excluding SS attitudes and behavior of said birthday boy. That shouldn't be tolerated simply because it's his birthday.


KenveeB

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #71 on: June 15, 2013, 08:05:38 PM »
My older DS loves those big chocolate chip cookies with icing on top. Every birthday, that's what he wants. I can't stand them, personally, but it doesn't matter. It's for him. I don't need the calories, anyway!   :-\

<sigh> I love those cakes. I really want one for my birthday cake, but I've never ended up with one. I rarely have a birthday cake, and they're usually a surprise so I don't get any input in what they are. I've mentioned that they're my favorite kind of cake a few times, and I hope one day someone will pick up the hint. :)

rose red

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #72 on: June 15, 2013, 09:28:22 PM »
Sounds like birthday boy is willing to compromise, but Jackie is not.  He suggested pie and then a non-chocolate cake, but nope.  She is not willing to let birthday boy have what he wants on his day.  She could have cupcakes or a two flavor cake, but nope, it's her way or the highway.  She sounds selfish and I hope she experience the same on her birthday.

Jaelle

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #73 on: June 17, 2013, 09:38:59 PM »
I agree with most that the honoree gets to pick, within reason.

Slight side story: My MIL has a thing that There Must Be Cake For Birthdays. It is a law set down in the fabric of her universe.  ::)  There must be cake, there must be candles, it must have "Happy Birthday, (Guest of Honor)!" written on it in icing, there must be singing.

Now, I much prefer really good ice cream to cake, and request a trip to a wonderful local ice cream parlor for my birthday. This drives MIL batty. She's been known to show up with a grocery store cake (which then doesn't get eaten) anyway. To her, it just has to be this way. I don't get it.

It's led to a few awkward situations, especially since my side of the family much prefers non-traditional desserts for birthdays, for the most part.
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Minmom3

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Re: Who chooses the birthday cake flavor?
« Reply #74 on: June 17, 2013, 10:04:42 PM »
The birthday a few years before my Grandmother died, she asked me what I wanted, desert-wise, for my birthday.  She and her husband had gone to a fairly famous bakery in town a few months before and gotten various delicacies for a party, and I'd had a wonderful Napoleon.  LOVED it!  Asked for them for my birthday.  Gram got them.  Deliriously good!  Mom thought I was nuts, but they were SO GOOD!!!!  4 of them (Me, Mom, Gram and her husband) didn't cost her any more than a cake would have for me, and I was thrilled that she asked and went to a little extra trouble for me. 

Asking somebody what they want and getting it for them can be a very loving thing to do.  Asking and then bailing is the opposite.
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