I've been to all kinds of, shall we call them 'honoring the dead' events. They vary so much!
The "norm" in my area is there is a "wake" at a funeral home. There are usually 2 wake times (occasionally 3, 1 afternoon, 2 evening), usually the same day - the afternoon wake (about 1-4 pm) and the evening wake (about 6-9 pm). These are what anyone coming to pay their respects would come to. Family, friends, co-workers, neighbors, etc. Attendance can range for 10 people to 200 people. The casket (or urn) is usually at the front of the room. sometimes its open. People can go up and pay their respects. Throughout the room are flowers, and usually photos of the departed. One sitting might have a bit of a service, or some speakers, but its not required or anything, I'd say its 50/50 to have a service or speakers at a wake. Only close family and close friends would attend both wakes for the whole time. Mostly they are 'drop in' type events. They are not cheerful events, but they aren't overly solemn either - its all milling about and chatting.
During the "break" between wake sittings the close family and friends usually go out to eat or go to a family member's home for a meal. This is not by any means a 'public' meal, this only for the folks who are close enough they'd be there all day.
The next day is the funeral. It might be in a house of worship, or it might be graveside. Funerals themselves are usually only attended by the close family and friends - basically the same group who did the full day of two wakes. 25 people at a funeral is a lot, even if 600 passed through the wake(s). After the funeral, if everyone is close, they might all go for a meal together, or the funeral group will split up into groups to go out (or just go home).
The other norm is a shiva, which is similar to the wake, except its in a family member's home and essentially is a potluck (although many people send catered food, instead of bringing home made). Its people milling about and chatting. It is not the funeral, but it is the event most people would attend to pay their respects. The funeral is a more private affair.
I have attended other 'honoring the dead' events, where there is no wake, its only the church funeral, or memorial events where its sometime after the passing. But the wake which is the most common to me, does not include a meal that is open to all. Even a shiva will have plenty of food, but its not a meal one is invited to, its simply food available as people walk around and chat.