General Etiquette > Life...in general

One more wedding question - "In lieu of gifts, please donate"

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cwm:

--- Quote from: TootsNYC on June 11, 2013, 03:27:45 PM ---The only thing is, a donation to MY favorite charity is not a gift to THEM.

--- End quote ---

Yes, but look at it this way. Perhaps they don't want any gifts, they've got enough "stuff" in their lives. But they want to make an impact in the world. They know some of their friends support XYZ charity, some support ABC, and some support QRS. They don't have any particularly strong stance themselves, so long as good gets done in their name. If you donate to whatever charity YOU feel strongly about, it's honoring their wishes that good gets done in the world, while still not going into the minefield of dictating charities to donate to.

That being said, I still think it's terrible etiquette. I wouldn't do it. But I can see why someone else might.

gellchom:

--- Quote from: cwm on June 11, 2013, 03:56:29 PM ---
--- Quote from: TootsNYC on June 11, 2013, 03:27:45 PM ---The only thing is, a donation to MY favorite charity is not a gift to THEM.

--- End quote ---

Yes, but look at it this way. Perhaps they don't want any gifts, they've got enough "stuff" in their lives. But they want to make an impact in the world. They know some of their friends support XYZ charity, some support ABC, and some support QRS. They don't have any particularly strong stance themselves, so long as good gets done in their name. If you donate to whatever charity YOU feel strongly about, it's honoring their wishes that good gets done in the world, while still not going into the minefield of dictating charities to donate to.


--- End quote ---

Well put.  That is how I feel.  Anyway, that's why it's "in lieu" of a gift.  But to me it does feel like a gift to me, that good is being done in my honor.  Charitable donations are very common as gifts, or I guess as commemorations if not exactly gifts, in my community.  I can't remember anyone ever making one to a cause I wouldn't support.  In fact, I have sometimes been touched at the choices people made that reflect thoughtfulness about what would mean something to us.  And at least once I've learned about a very worthy and interesting new charity that way.

Usually even if you don't know their favorite cause, you can think of something like their child's school or camp, an animal welfare fund for your pet lover friend, a research fund for an ailment you know someone in their family suffers from, etc.  If you really have no clue, a local food pantry or arts organization is usually a pretty safe bet.  Even if they aren't crazy about that particular organization for some reason, it's unlikely to be offensive.  They will understand your good intentions.

Or you could always send them a check with a note asking them to donate it to the charity of their choice.

Cami:

--- Quote from: YummyMummy66 on June 09, 2013, 11:55:28 AM ---I would get them a card regardless congratulating them on their wedding.

If you wish to donate to the charity of their choice, when you make your donation, you state it is for so and so.  They will usually receive a letter in the mail from that charity sharing the donation.  I don't know if they share the amount, but they do let them know there was a donation.  Of course, then you are constantly getting notices from said charity!

My husband donated for a charity for a funeral, per request in lieu of flowers for a co-worker.  We received a copy of the letter sent to his co-worker. (His father passed).  Now, we are always receiving items from said charity.

If it is not a charity of your choice, I would either get the couple a gift or give them a cash gift.

--- End quote ---
That happened to us as well. And once you've given to an organization, they have the legal right to keep pestering you for as long as they want. We no longer give charitable contributions for weddings/funerals for that reason.

If a HC wants charitable contributions, I just give them money. They can make the donation themselves.

Isometric:
Yes, still get a card! What a thoughtful couple.

I really have no problem with no gifts please/charity donations/honeymoon registries etc. My main priority is getting the b&g what they would like to start their married life together.

Of all the weddings I've been to, only one has had no registry info in it. Just the way it's done where I live I think. (Or in my circles anyway.)

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