General Etiquette > Life...in general

One more wedding question - "In lieu of gifts, please donate"

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katycoo:

--- Quote from: JeseC on June 09, 2013, 10:16:41 AM ---
--- Quote from: guihong on June 09, 2013, 10:14:04 AM ---Get a nice card and give your congratulations to the happy couple (incidentally, asking for donations is an etiquette faux pas).  Donate to the cause or not, as you wish.

--- End quote ---

I do have to say - what wouldn't be a faux pas in the situation where the couple doesn't want gifts?  Do you just have to accept them no matter what?  I've seen "word-of-mouth" proposed, but given that the invites are spread across most of the U.S. and several foreign countries somehow I doubt that would work.

--- End quote ---

You get what you get. If you wanted to give a physical gift I'd buy from somewhere local to the couple and have it delivered.

peaches:

--- Quote from: guihong on June 09, 2013, 10:14:04 AM ---Get a nice card and give your congratulations to the happy couple (incidentally, asking for donations is an etiquette faux pas).  Donate to the cause or not, as you wish.

--- End quote ---

POD

peaches:

--- Quote from: JeseC on June 09, 2013, 10:16:41 AM ---
I do have to say - what wouldn't be a faux pas in the situation where the couple doesn't want gifts?  Do you just have to accept them no matter what?  I've seen "word-of-mouth" proposed, but given that the invites are spread across most of the U.S. and several foreign countries somehow I doubt that would work.

--- End quote ---

When a couple says they would prefer charitable donations to X or Y, they aren't saying "no gifts". In fact, they are suggesting a particular gift, and in the invitation. That's not appropriate IMO.

If they do that, you can follow their suggestion or not (just as you can choose a gift from a registry if the couple has one, or not).

Whenever couples try to control gift-giving, they are getting into tricky territory. The gracious thing to do is to accept the gifts that are given.
 

m2kbug:
When a charitable donation is asked, are you supposed to donate in the HC's name?  I think it's fine to mention a HC's preferred charity (by word of mouth), but probably inappropriate to tell or expect where people are to put their money.  If you're donating in the couple's name, and you choose a charity they are displeased with, I could see that being a problem as well.

Outdoor Girl:
I think etiquette needs to change on 'No gifts, please'.  I don't find anything offensive about that, at all.  Not even the assumption that it would otherwise be a gift giving occasion.

Asking for charitable donations is another matter, though.  If they had a wedding website with a registry list and they put 'Donations to X or Y charities' on the registry, that would be OK.  It is the modern day equivalent to word of mouth, IMO.  And where it gets really sticky is if charities X and Y are not charities a guest is willing to support.  Does the guest then donate to a charity of their own choice that the happy couple may not support?  Or does the guest decline to donate and only give a card?  Or does the guest go against the wishes of the happy couple and buy them a physical gift?  I think I would just give them a cash gift and if they chose to donate it to their charity, so be it.

guihong has it right for what the OP should do, I think.

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