Author Topic: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there  (Read 12213 times)

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TootsNYC

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #30 on: June 10, 2013, 10:23:37 AM »
Walk up to the person doing the tickling, and say:  "Dude, not cool to push it.  He said stop.  You need to respect that."  (Use a hand on shoulder to emphasise, if you feel okay doing that.)

Then escalate as needed.

I lije this too.

I think 'you are torturing that child!' and "STOP!" are actually going to make it less effective.

Shoo

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #31 on: June 10, 2013, 10:24:57 AM »
1. "Hey! Stop!"
2. Get up, physically insert self between child and adult until child has safely gotten away.

This is what I would do.  I would put myself between the child and the adult.

TootsNYC

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #32 on: June 10, 2013, 10:32:36 AM »
I don't think that  most adults who tickle children are perverts or child abusers, they just don't realize that just because the child is laughing doesn't mean they aren't uncomfortable with it.
If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."

I disagree with this a bit. It might be true in some instances.

But I also think that a high percentage of people who tickle a child who has said "stop" and has tried to get away are actually on a bit of a power trip.

Not necessarily most, but I think it's often part of the motivation, especially when it's going on long enough for an onlooker to be uncomfortable. Not necessarily in the most horrible definition of "power trip," but it's there even if only a small degree.

Calistoga

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #33 on: June 10, 2013, 10:42:32 AM »
The tickling thing for me always depends on both body language and verbal cues. If a kid is slapping at your hands and saying "Stop, stop!", even if they are laughing their tiny heads off, you need to stop. If they say "Don't!" every time you touch them, you need to stop. If they say "Stop!!!" but run up and tickle you back, then they're probably fine with the game, but since they keep saying "Stop" you need to tell them to stop tickling you as well so they understand that the game doesn't continue because they seem uncomfortable with it. Kids need to know that "STOP!" means stop, no matter who says it.


Reminds me of a situation with one of my nieces. Her mom kept doing this weird fingers-in-the-face thing and my niece told her to stop because...well, she didn't want fingers in her face. Mom snapped "YOU DON'T TELL ME TO STOP!" at her!

cass2591

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #34 on: June 10, 2013, 11:15:34 AM »
Unfortunately the hyperbole about child abuse and molestation reappears rather than giving suggestions to the OP as to what she could say to the adults should she observe this behavior again.

Look, I strongly believe the adult should have stopped at the first no. I was extremely ticklish and I hated it. I think the parents should have stepped in because they should know when tickling has gone too far, and clearly it did with this kid.

If you can give advice pertaining to the OP's last paragraph, by all means post.. But please, enough of the fear mongering.
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RegionMom

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #35 on: June 10, 2013, 12:11:47 PM »
Not trying to get this thread closed, but I was not fear-mongering; I was sharing what happened to me at age 13/14.

There were several of us at a relative's house, and three of us were tickle fighting, which led to hugging tightly, trying to get away (testing my strength)and wrestling.  It went on more than once, over several visits, and it finally became just the one older relative and me, alone, in a back room. 

And that was my first sexual experience.  Not rape, but definitely molestation.  I have only told two people before now-best friend, and DH.  Now, e-hell knows.

And it all began, in public, with family, in the open, with more than one person being tickled. 

If ONE person had asked, "hey, are you ok with that?  Time to cut it out, that's enough!  or, Dude, she said no more, please stop!"

Then maybe I would have not felt alone and confused and wondering what was he doing and why.  And, no, I never reported.  He is an older man now, and I considered telling his wife, but since I participated, I felt guilty.

It all started with a tickle.

Respect the NO.

Sorry, I have no advice.

 
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #36 on: June 10, 2013, 12:16:10 PM »
If it's a small enough child, and one you are close to, I'd probably go swoop them up and say something like, "Don't worry, I'll save you!".. and run off with them in a joking way. If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."

I like this approach, OP, if you would be comfortable with these options.
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NyaChan

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #37 on: June 10, 2013, 12:16:45 PM »
I still think that using a vocal objection coupled with physical movement to show both the adult and the child that you are willing to stop them physically would have a satisfactory result.  I would also suggest leading the child away to avoid any awkwardness or future talk about stopping the tickling.

Moray

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #38 on: June 10, 2013, 12:25:46 PM »
If it's a small enough child, and one you are close to, I'd probably go swoop them up and say something like, "Don't worry, I'll save you!".. and run off with them in a joking way. If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."

I like this approach, OP, if you would be comfortable with these options.

I like this, too.
Utah

cass2591

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #39 on: June 10, 2013, 04:53:44 PM »
Not trying to get this thread closed, but I was not fear-mongering; I was sharing what happened to me at age 13/14.

There were several of us at a relative's house, and three of us were tickle fighting, which led to hugging tightly, trying to get away (testing my strength)and wrestling.  It went on more than once, over several visits, and it finally became just the one older relative and me, alone, in a back room. 

And that was my first sexual experience.  Not rape, but definitely molestation.  I have only told two people before now-best friend, and DH.  Now, e-hell knows.

And it all began, in public, with family, in the open, with more than one person being tickled. 

If ONE person had asked, "hey, are you ok with that?  Time to cut it out, that's enough!  or, Dude, she said no more, please stop!"

Then maybe I would have not felt alone and confused and wondering what was he doing and why.  And, no, I never reported.  He is an older man now, and I considered telling his wife, but since I participated, I felt guilty.

It all started with a tickle.

Respect the NO.

Sorry, I have no advice.


I'm sorry that happened but the admonition applies to everyone.
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hobish

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #40 on: June 10, 2013, 05:19:23 PM »
If it's a small enough child, and one you are close to, I'd probably go swoop them up and say something like, "Don't worry, I'll save you!".. and run off with them in a joking way. If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."

I like this approach, OP, if you would be comfortable with these options.

I like this, too.

I like that, too.

…and I am sure everyone who is recommending telling the adult they are torturing a child and teaching the kid to not respect boundaries would also take the next necessary step and teach the kid that No means No and Stop means Stop. You would, of course, let them know that screeching “Stop, No, Stop” and letting Aunt Ticklish get yelled at for not listening, and then hopping up for more tickle time is inappropriate, right?

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magician5

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #41 on: June 10, 2013, 06:07:37 PM »
Entirely aside from abusers - the few instances I remember from my childhood led me to reason that "I can't trust anyone to help me, so I guess the only one I can trust is myself." Which sounds like it might (in some movie) be the watchword for a heroically self-reliant adult, but for me it let me lead myself straight into trouble.

Somewhere in my career I chanced upon a surprisingly effective line to stop objectionable activity quickly: assume that you're in charge and say "we're not going to do that." Maybe it works, at least for me, because it doesn't challenge the wrongdoer to prove you wrong.
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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #42 on: June 11, 2013, 12:48:57 PM »
Entirely aside from abusers - the few instances I remember from my childhood led me to reason that "I can't trust anyone to help me, so I guess the only one I can trust is myself." Which sounds like it might (in some movie) be the watchword for a heroically self-reliant adult, but for me it let me lead myself straight into trouble.

Somewhere in my career I chanced upon a surprisingly effective line to stop objectionable activity quickly: assume that you're in charge and say "we're not going to do that." Maybe it works, at least for me, because it doesn't challenge the wrongdoer to prove you wrong.

Wow I really like that. Usually telling instead of asking would be considered rude, but this is an awesome exception! This is the difference between being bossy/SS and having boundaries and a polite spine. The tickling being stopped shouldn't be up for debate so one shouldn't ask the tickler to stop - they tell them in no uncertain terms because the child cannot and needs and advocate. Even if the parent (for some insane reason) was okay with it, the child wasn't and they have a right to bodily autonomy. That a child's feelings and wishes about their own body can be subsumed by an(y) adult is a disturbing precedent, and I can understand why it triggered so much concern about and association with abuse from PPs. People should not have their personal space and physical body forcibly infringed upon, and IMHO anyone who witnesses this has the ethical high ground in challenging the person who crosses these boundaries. As others have said, etiquette be darned in this instance. >:(
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GrammarNerd

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #43 on: June 11, 2013, 01:14:50 PM »
Or, though this is more p/a: Try to remove the child and/or put a warning hand on the tickler's shoulder.  "Hey, tickler, can you not do that? Someone tickled me when I was a kid and just would not stop.  It wasn't fun for me at all.  Just seeing that brings back a lot of bad memories for me. Thanks." 

Just leave it there.  Little white lie?  Maybe.  But you are uncomfortable, so that part is true. You're kind of diffusing the situation without placing blame, except on yourself, for being uncomfortable.  That's what they say about expressing feelings to someone about bad behavior, right....use "I" statements? 

It's still a way of getting the person to stop in a low-key way, but not embarrassing anyone or calling them out in front of a bunch of people.  And the kid can get away.  Plus, you're letting the person know gently that being tickled isn't always fun.

Zilla

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Re: "Get your hands off that child!" when the parent is right there
« Reply #44 on: June 11, 2013, 02:13:15 PM »
If it's a small enough child, and one you are close to, I'd probably go swoop them up and say something like, "Don't worry, I'll save you!".. and run off with them in a joking way. If it's not someone I'm close to, or a larger child, I'd probably say something like, "Tickler, I don't think Child is really enjoying that. I know he's laughing but he's asked you to stop."

I like this approach, OP, if you would be comfortable with these options.

I like this, too.
Me too.  And regardless of the child's age, I would pull aside the person and mention that to please stop when the child asks.